The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

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Samba
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by Samba » Wed Jan 15, 2020 3:40 am

Well, you will have naughty dreams about Karren Brady..
Seriously Whitey, things weren't great just after Christmas, were they?
Try to keep calm, mate. Your mrs sounds like she's spoiling for a fight & looking for things to blow up about.
When you've both got a bit of time, make a cup of tea or whatever & try to have a bit of a sit down chat with her.
Her pressure & stress at work could well be making her a bit irrational but remind her gently, you're actually on the same team.
Is she menopausal or pre? That could be driving her a bit batty. Maybe she needs a doc checkup?
Good luck, mate.

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White Goodman
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by White Goodman » Wed Jan 15, 2020 6:07 am

Cheers mate.

I am more bemused lately than anything else but it's no fun. I've taken the decision to try and ignore it .

The alternative is to engage with her in this mood . Last time I did that I suggested she needed professional help and obviously that went down like a lead balloon.

And yes she's 47 , so maybe but this is standard (ish) behaviour

Damned if I do , damned if I don't at the moment.

Still here though, so looking on the bright side .....

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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by Tenbury » Wed Jan 15, 2020 7:57 am

My kids' mother is currently going through the longest menopause in the history of womanhood.
I'm tempted to say it's like WW3, but in truth it's more like WW1.. Completely disorganised and utter chaos.
Her short term memory is totally shot, and at times she loses any sense of rationality she ever had. The kids have learnt to just leave the room when it kicks off,fortunately they are pretty resilient( they've had to be over the years having dealt with an old man whose bipolar isn't always contained). For the same reason it's pretty hard for me to be at all judgemental, but for the sake of everyone, especially her, I wish to God it would pass.

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sendô
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by sendô » Wed Jan 15, 2020 8:18 am

White Goodman wrote:
Tue Jan 14, 2020 10:36 pm
Apparently the other night, I said someone's name in my sleep, don't recall a dream or anything else.
Come on. Own up.

It was someone on here, wasn't it?

My money's on samba.

mushy
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by mushy » Wed Jan 15, 2020 10:59 am

White Goodman wrote:
Wed Jan 15, 2020 6:07 am
Cheers mate.

I am more bemused lately than anything else but it's no fun. I've taken the decision to try and ignore it .

The alternative is to engage with her in this mood . Last time I did that I suggested she needed professional help and obviously that went down like a lead balloon.

And yes she's 47 , so maybe but this is standard (ish) behaviour

Damned if I do , damned if I don't at the moment.

Still here though, so looking on the bright side .....
Sounds like Mrs Goodman is trying to come to terms with a few things, such as the change.
Nobody should underestimate the devastating effect this can have on a womans life.
This is of course no help to you whatsoever Whitey, you are suffering as well.
All I can say is that the pretty, gorgeous woman you fell in love with and married is still in there somewhere and she will come back.
Its just a matter of when and how really, I would say be patient but I guess patience is pretty thin on the ground right now.
Good luck to you both.

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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by mushy » Wed Jan 15, 2020 11:12 am

wolf359 wrote:
Sun Jan 12, 2020 11:53 pm


I'm alone, I have no friends, I'm 41 and I've had enough of this planet. Stop the world I want to get off
just to state. I DON'T WANT TO DIE (i'm not suicidal) . I'm just not sure I want to live.

Isolation and loneliness are a constant cause of depression (especially in men for some reason).
You say you have no friends, can I ask if that is a choice or do you prefer keeping yourself to yourself?
Sometimes just sitting down and having someone to listen to all your woes can be enough to kick start something that may change your life. I can recommend it.
Failing that you can come and do a mini pub crawl with myself and Indy, we are long overdue one.
Are you local?
Good luck to you wolf, there are plenty on here who have your back.

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wolf359
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by wolf359 » Wed Jan 15, 2020 12:14 pm

mushy wrote:
Wed Jan 15, 2020 11:12 am
Isolation and loneliness are a constant cause of depression (especially in men for some reason).
You say you have no friends, can I ask if that is a choice or do you prefer keeping yourself to yourself?
Sometimes just sitting down and having someone to listen to all your woes can be enough to kick start something that may change your life. I can recommend it.
Failing that you can come and do a mini pub crawl with myself and Indy, we are long overdue one.
Are you local?
Good luck to you wolf, there are plenty on here who have your back.
I'm not local, stuck in the grim north (Wigan area). I'm a loaner if the truth be told, I have low tolerance of other people and by the time I've done 9-10 hours at work I just want 'me' time. However 'me' time all the time is not the most healthy way to live. Heck, I spend most of my free time playing World of Warcraft, a game/world with many faults but community is not one of them (there are huge groups of people that play/talk/meet 'irl' (in real life). marriages are pretty common. Even then I tend to play 'solo' and have no friends in game (I block all requests) .

I've never had many friends, I've never had a 'best friend' type of relationship, I've was always been a second (or third) thought when it came to arranging things in the past. It has been years since I've been out socially (on a non-family/child related event).

I want to be on my own but not alone I suppose is what I am trying to say. It is all a bit confusing

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White Goodman
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by White Goodman » Wed Jan 15, 2020 1:21 pm

sendô wrote:
Wed Jan 15, 2020 8:18 am
Come on. Own up.

It was someone on here, wasn't it?

My money's on samba.
She hasn't told me what I said yet. Most likely DC if I'm being honest

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EastBrisHammer
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by EastBrisHammer » Wed Jan 15, 2020 2:27 pm

wolf359 wrote:
Wed Jan 15, 2020 12:14 pm
I'm not local, stuck in the grim north (Wigan area). I'm a loaner if the truth be told, I have low tolerance of other people and by the time I've done 9-10 hours at work I just want 'me' time. However 'me' time all the time is not the most healthy way to live. Heck, I spend most of my free time playing World of Warcraft, a game/world with many faults but community is not one of them (there are huge groups of people that play/talk/meet 'irl' (in real life). marriages are pretty common. Even then I tend to play 'solo' and have no friends in game (I block all requests) .

I've never had many friends, I've never had a 'best friend' type of relationship, I've was always been a second (or third) thought when it came to arranging things in the past. It has been years since I've been out socially (on a non-family/child related event).

I want to be on my own but not alone I suppose is what I am trying to say. It is all a bit confusing
I used to play WoW for a year or so and even though I enjoyed it, it made me feel a bit ill if I played it for too many hours at a time. I was never playing it as much as many of my friends but I still played it too much. I gave it up and swore off MMOs since then.

Personally, I think you need to mix it up a little. It becomes very easy to come home from a long day at work and just log into a game or binge on a TV box set but its not very satisfying long term. Think about what other hobbies that might interest you. I know a few people who have moved on from WoW and played table top games such as Warhammer, Dungeons and Dragons, or board games, and they have found it very rewarding. One of them was a loner but it has definitely improved his outlook on life. I'm not saying this is the solution, but varying your time between different activities can definitely help. I find exercise is not brilliant for me but going for a long walk or a gentle run certainly breaks my routine during the week. Don't take on many social/hobby commitments just try a few things you can dip into until you find something you like. Have you looked into trying new and different things? Are there old hobbies or activities that have lapsed that you might want to pick up again?

Forming good friendships can be very difficult to do and much of it comes from being exposed to different groups of people. Workplaces are often not the social places they used to be and meeting people otherwise can be difficult unless you are part of a group or club. A lot people hang onto their childhood friends as they act as a safety blanket but for many people that is not an option for varying reasons. Many friendships and relationships do come from the least expected places so you never know what will happen in the future. You say you block requests on WoW...is there any reason you do this? Lethargy? You cannot be bothered with the social interaction? I think that probably stems from your routine.

Anyway, I imagine none of that has been of any help, and it is only based on personal experience and on that of people I know.

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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by fjthegrey » Wed Jan 15, 2020 2:38 pm

Sorry to say it but I personally think you're a lost cause Wolfy.

Wigan.

I mean, you poor ****er.

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wolf359
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by wolf359 » Wed Jan 15, 2020 2:58 pm

fjthegrey wrote:
Wed Jan 15, 2020 2:38 pm
Sorry to say it but I personally think you're a lost cause Wolfy.

Wigan.

I mean, you poor ****er.
It is the very edge I have a Manchester post code if that redeems me at all :wink:

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Mega Ron
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by Mega Ron » Wed Jan 15, 2020 4:16 pm

Nice pies there as well.

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Samba
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by Samba » Wed Jan 15, 2020 7:59 pm

sendô wrote:
Wed Jan 15, 2020 8:18 am
Come on. Own up.

It was someone on here, wasn't it?

My money's on samba.
:lol:
If it was, I fear his problems are far worse than I thought..

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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by Chris_ » Wed Jan 15, 2020 8:08 pm

Sorry if this is not the right place. I suffer from severe anxiety whenever my kids (5 and 1 year old) are sick. My youngest has a chest and ear inflection (confirmed by the gp today) with a high fever and I’m all over the shop with worry. Whenever we take his temperature and it’s high I instantly have to go to loo, within seconds. The anxiety this time round is unbearable, too the point I just want to open the front door and run. I’ve never known anything like this. The whole sense of being responsible for another life just seems to swallow me up.

Sorry I just needed to type that out.

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Samba
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by Samba » Wed Jan 15, 2020 8:23 pm

Chris_ wrote:
Wed Jan 15, 2020 8:08 pm
Sorry if this is not the right place. I suffer from severe anxiety whenever my kids (5 and 1 year old) are sick. My youngest has a chest and ear inflection (confirmed by the gp today) with a high fever and I’m all over the shop with worry. Whenever we take his temperature and it’s high I instantly have to go to loo, within seconds. The anxiety this time round is unbearable, too the point I just want to open the front door and run. I’ve never known anything like this. The whole sense of being responsible for another life just seems to swallow me up.

Sorry I just needed to type that out.
Of course it's the right place, Chris. It's the VERY place.
Sorry to hear about your anxiety, mate. I totally get that overwhelming feeling about being responsible for little 'uns or anyone, come to that.
It's sounds like your perfectly natural, 'fight or flight' reactions are overreacting a bit. However, I've got a feeling that there is very much help out for you, so, take a deep breathe, first of all.
One thing immediately to remember, is that your kids are very much not going to remain 5 and 1 forever, even if you wanted them to! They will grow up & become adults & then be able to look after themselves. Basically, what I'm saying is, is that these worrisome days will not be forever.
I would also think, no, I don't think, I know that what you're feeling is SO common sometimes. If anything, it shows how much you love them & how much you care. The ONLY problem is that your fear is overreacting, a bit. This can come from our own deep rooted, early life upbringing issues but it is especially open to being helped, probably by some kind of (talking) therapy. Best first off, speaking with a GP. You sound like a great, caring dad, btw.
So great that you posted mate.

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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by btajim - mcfc » Thu Jan 16, 2020 9:04 am

wolf359 wrote:
Wed Jan 15, 2020 2:58 pm
It is the very edge I have a Manchester post code if that redeems me at all :wink:
Do you not find northern people friendly and approachable? There might be some initial mis-trust because you're not local (I'm assuming) but I used to get that in London.

I moved back to Manchester in 2016 knowing precisely no people. I'd lost touch with most of my childhood friends. On my first night out, I deliberately went in to a recommended local in a football shirt and sat at a table to watch a Euros match. Within minutes, I heard a "Claire... Who's that over there?" to the landlady and she said she didn't know. I pretended not to hear. As I went to top up my glass at the bar, said Manc bloke turned round to ask a question to me and I never returned to the table all night. They were queueing up to be introduced to me. Common ground found as many working class men like football. It really did help as I moved to what can be a tough, unforgiving city alone.

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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by wolf359 » Thu Jan 16, 2020 9:48 am

btajim - mcfc wrote:
Thu Jan 16, 2020 9:04 am
Do you not find northern people friendly and approachable? There might be some initial mis-trust because you're not local (I'm assuming) but I used to get that in London.

I've lived up here for almost 30 years (all my adult life) though I do originate from the South . I'm part of the furniture now.

I'm never gone to a pub/bar alone, couldn't imagine doing so.

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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by EastBrisHammer » Thu Jan 16, 2020 10:22 am

wolf359 wrote:
Thu Jan 16, 2020 9:48 am
I'm never gone to a pub/bar alone, couldn't imagine doing so.
I used to go to this pub in Bishop's Stortford where this man would stand next to the fruit machine by himself every Friday and Saturday night. Imaginatively we named him Mr Fruity. He did this for months on end. Then one day, my mate goes, "Bloody Hell! Mr Fruity has got a friend." Every time we saw him after that he seemed to be hanging around with this other bloke, and then suddenly he had another mate and there were three of them. I would certainly give him 10/10 for perseverance.

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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by btajim - mcfc » Thu Jan 16, 2020 1:00 pm

wolf359 wrote:
Thu Jan 16, 2020 9:48 am
I've lived up here for almost 30 years (all my adult life) though I do originate from the South . I'm part of the furniture now.

I'm never gone to a pub/bar alone, couldn't imagine doing so.
In the right area they're a hub of a community. I watch Wales too and our group, who I met travelling solo to Georgia, always look to bring people in. You can never have enough friends, IMO.

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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by PrawnSandwich » Thu Jan 16, 2020 1:49 pm

Wolfy,
Don't ever think your kids don't need you.
One year just passed the anniversary of my life going tits up and the New Year has kicked off with a leaking boiler and a cracked chimney in my house (where my wife lives) that has damaged next door, my wiper motor has packed up on my car and it's pissing with rain, work is a ****ing nightmare, pretty skint desperate and for payday - so 2020 is going about as well as 2019 so far, but last night after reading my son a bedtime story having been stressed as f*** all evening he said to me 'Daddy I wish you had never left mummy (I f**king didn't mate but I get your point, I moved out), I wish you could see her everyday, I wish you still lived with us so you could see me and [sister's name] and I wish you could play with us and read to us every day because I miss you so much when I don't see you.'

Try as I might I couldn't hold back tears, because that's all I have fought so hard for this past year is to not lose them and for them to know that I love them and will never not be there for them.

It's hard man but you have more strength than you give yourself credit for.
It won't always be like this.


Chris, I am the same with my two (4.5 years and 21 months).
Them being ill causes me physical pain with headaches and stomach aches and twists me up inside.
But they do improve as they get older.
Focus on the larger picture not the moment.
It is the same as agonising over them not eating three square meals a day when you stress they are not eating their lunch/dinner.
Over the course of a few days, a week they will tell you.
Pressure of work and time off compound these feelings and in turn make you feel guilty and on a normal level you want them to be well but you can't do everything.
You need to tell yourself that it is okay to the best you can and accept your own limitations.
Doctors/GPs etc are very understanding and anxiety as a parent is certainly not uncommon.


As always I wish everyone here every continued strength and support - I caught up with your situation Whitey and hope it calms down at home.

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