The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

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ageing hammer
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by ageing hammer »

Delighted for you Bris well done that man :muscle: :scarfer:
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by Tenbury »

Top stuff, Briz. :newthumb:
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by Samba »

Congrats, Brizzle. Great news :newthumb:
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by rigoberts song »

Well done Bristol sock it to them one in the eye for her !
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by btajim - mcfc »

Another congratulations to Bris on the new job.

I’m absolutely exhausted after my major surgery. The stoma bag is just a part of me now but, both mentally and physically, I feel I need absolute rest at all times. It’s annoying as I like to do things.

Whilst I’ll be making some lifestyle changes, I want to get life going again to prove to myself that it hasn’t beaten me.
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by hammer etc »

Don't rush it, slow and steady wins the race. :newthumb:
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by ageing hammer »

Spare a thought for my cousin Dan. His mother ( my Aunt Betty ) died a few weeks ago, she was in her eighties so had a good life etc..

A few weeks later his sister Liz aged 57 died of cancer and her funeral was last Saturday.

The next day (Sunday) his wife died unexpectedly at home.

So in a matter of weeks Dan has lost his mother, his sister and his wife.

God knows what I am going to say to him tomorrow at the funeral, we only had his sister's one last Saturday
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by OFT »

ageing hammer wrote: Wed Sep 28, 2022 9:33 pm Spare a thought for my cousin Dan. His mother ( my Aunt Betty ) died a few weeks ago, she was in her eighties so had a good life etc..

A few weeks later his sister Liz aged 57 died of cancer and her funeral was last Saturday.

The next day (Sunday) his wife died unexpectedly at home.

So in a matter of weeks Dan has lost his mother, his sister and his wife.

God knows what I am going to say to him tomorrow at the funeral, we only had his sister's one last Saturday
Thats terrible ageing, what can you say? I've no idea what to say to you other than best wishes
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by Samba »

A terrible time for him, ageing & for you, as well. Do & say what you can, mate.
If he is of faith, he will know that their loss is only temporary; he will see them all again one day, when it's his time.
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by YorksHammer »

ageing hammer wrote: Wed Sep 28, 2022 9:33 pm Spare a thought for my cousin Dan. His mother ( my Aunt Betty ) died a few weeks ago, she was in her eighties so had a good life etc..

A few weeks later his sister Liz aged 57 died of cancer and her funeral was last Saturday.

The next day (Sunday) his wife died unexpectedly at home.

So in a matter of weeks Dan has lost his mother, his sister and his wife.

God knows what I am going to say to him tomorrow at the funeral, we only had his sister's one last Saturday
Jeez, that's brutal. I guess just be there for him, give him what he needs from you. Sometimes things don't need to be said.

My own mental health has been a bit toilet over the last week. I separated from my ex-wife a year ago this Saturday (also, ironically, our wedding anniversary) - it was mutual on both sides, the relationship had just run its course, and neither of us were making each other happy anymore. I was depressed, severely to the point of suicide ideation and nearly going through with it on more than one occasion, for a good 3 years before that because I felt the marriage and the family slipping away and that was the one thing I'd known I'd wanted my whole life, to the point that I put my whole self into it. With it slipping away I also felt myself slipping away a bit because if I wasn't a husband and full-time father when I wasn't working, I wasn't really anything. There just didn't seem to be a point in existing without it.

I've found new hobbies since that have been things I've been wanting to do for a while, and think I'm back to being happy with myself and who I am, but I've realised that any 'goal' I had in life has been trounced by the separation and I'm now completely left without any of my once aims being achievable - the long marriage, the nuclear family, paying off a mortgage (I moved out for affordability reasons, as I was the only one bringing in a salary - long story short). Just this past week has really driven it home for me, I'd been looking at moving house but now can't afford to move anywhere, really, especially with mortgages going up, and I felt like that would be the next 'thing' for me, starting a new house that I owned rather than my current rental which I've worked over the past 9/10 months to make as much a 'home' as possible.

So now I just don't know what actual 'life goals' I really have. I've never wanted to travel and still don't really, I don't especially have any will to do anything in terms of owning/part owning a business because it's just not something I have the personality to thrive in. There are small things I want to do in the near future with new hobbies but they're not big life things, just little achievements, and I keep trying to focus on those, but when I step back and look at the big 'where do you want to be in 5/10/15 years' kind of questions I've got nothing. And in all honesty, it's a struggle, because I can't try and think about the future that much except for watching my kids grow and helping them - which now I only do half the time.
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by EvilC »

ageing hammer wrote: Wed Sep 28, 2022 9:33 pm Spare a thought for my cousin Dan. His mother ( my Aunt Betty ) died a few weeks ago, she was in her eighties so had a good life etc..

A few weeks later his sister Liz aged 57 died of cancer and her funeral was last Saturday.

The next day (Sunday) his wife died unexpectedly at home.

So in a matter of weeks Dan has lost his mother, his sister and his wife.

God knows what I am going to say to him tomorrow at the funeral, we only had his sister's one last Saturday
****ing hell, that is horrendous. I've had one of my mates (suicide), one of my mates's wives (cancer), a colleague (suicide), one of my brothers (COVID) and my mum in the last couple of years and thought I'd had a run of bad luck.
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by S-H »

Blimey..

Sorry for your losses, guys.
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by Clacton-ammer »

Crikey, life is so cruel at times :( Do you say best wishes?? Not sure what words in truth, hope all can work through it as best you can.

Mate has been diagnosed with a complex form of PTSD, meds were not working, and we were losing him down a very large hole until he accepted therapy. Was tough for him at the start, but he opened up, and he is like chalk & cheese now and we are getting him back thankfully. So if you are offered therapy, please take that leap, I know it's a big leap, but it might just save your life :newthumb:

Good luck to all and your battles, truly hope you find some light at the end of the tunnel :newthumb:
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by Tenbury »

You give ageing some good advice, perhaps I could offer you a bit.
I've read and re read your post. Seems to me you've done well to turn things around in such a short space of time. Breaking up a relationship, especially when kids are involved even apart from the personal emotion side of it is logistically complicated, and, above all, bloody stressful. I think an occasional self administrated pat on the back wouldn't hurt now and again.

It maybe just me being weird, but'Life goals'?.... really?.... surely they're just some made up stuff from the other side of the pond, designed to make us feel inadequate and buy something. At the end of the day, what do we really achieve? (apart from the end of the day, which is an achievement in itself!). Speaking personally, I want my kids to be as happy and healthy as they can be, and I want them to realise (at a much younger age than I did) that there's a hell of a lot more to life than have other people judge you to have made a success of it. All around you there is beauty, and wonder (not least at the contrast between beauty and ugliness), there is kindness, generosity, humour and dignity, all stuff of huge value, but without a price.
I've no idea what the meaning of life is, and who cares anyway, I just know that the bottom line is it's pretty good and thankfully for most of us, the very best bits cost nothing.
Hope things move forward for you soon as. :newthumb:
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by btajim - mcfc »

I hit a brick wall around 2010 and enrolling on adult education classes helped me. Rather than business orientated courses, I followed my heart and did creative writing as I love the written word. I amazed myself with how seriously I took it and aced five progressive courses. As well as that, I met lots of new people making a couple of friends in the process.

I’m yet to be paid but I’m regularly published in two football fanzines and often receive good feedback from readers. One day I’d love a paid column but, even if it never happens, I’ve given myself some real satisfaction personally and something different to do outside of work. It’s the little things.
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by Turns to Stone »

Congratulations on the new role Briz.

This morning, myself and a colleague had to inform one of our 16 year-old Nigerian students (I work in a school) that his father took his own life yesterday. Twice in my career I've had to be in the room when parents were told that their children had died, but this was the first time that the words came out of my mouth. The lad is 16 and 6'4, but he looked about 5 years old sitting in that chair and listening to me.

Singularly the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my entire life.

Please hang in there, everyone.
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by chalks »

First couple of days at my new job, really enjoyed it. Hard physical work surrounded by nice decent people

Got a spring in my step for the first time in 2-3 years :bump:

Always something to kick me in the b*llocks mind you, so watch this space
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by S-H »

chalks wrote: Thu Sep 29, 2022 7:45 pm First couple of days at my new job, really enjoyed it. Hard physical work surrounded by nice decent people

Got a spring in my step for the first time in 2-3 years :bump:
Nice one mate, happy for you.
chalks wrote: Thu Sep 29, 2022 7:45 pm
Always something to kick me in the b*llocks mind you, so watch this space
Nah f*** that.
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by Eggchaser »

ageing hammer wrote: Wed Sep 28, 2022 9:33 pm Spare a thought for my cousin Dan. His mother ( my Aunt Betty ) died a few weeks ago, she was in her eighties so had a good life etc..

A few weeks later his sister Liz aged 57 died of cancer and her funeral was last Saturday.

The next day (Sunday) his wife died unexpectedly at home.

So in a matter of weeks Dan has lost his mother, his sister and his wife.

God knows what I am going to say to him tomorrow at the funeral, we only had his sister's one last Saturday
Holy **** Ageing that's unimaginable! sorry for your loss
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by Samba »

Turns to Stone wrote: Thu Sep 29, 2022 2:14 pm This morning, myself and a colleague had to inform one of our 16 year-old Nigerian students (I work in a school) that his father took his own life yesterday. Twice in my career I've had to be in the room when parents were told that their children had died, but this was the first time that the words came out of my mouth. The lad is 16 and 6'4, but he looked about 5 years old sitting in that chair and listening to me.

Singularly the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my entire life.

Please hang in there, everyone.
As unimaginably difficult as it was, I'm sure he couldn't have had a better person telling him.
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