The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

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btajim - mcfc
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by btajim - mcfc »

I’m Welsh born to a Welsh father (dead) and English mother. Wales is the one for me so I celebrate each and every goal Wales score in the football to my dad. I point at the sky each and every time. I lost him at 13, and whilst we were never the closest, it’s my way of dealing with it all. Hopefully he’s looking down at his only son with pride.
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by mushy »

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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by rigoberts song »

Thanks for posting Tim I'm going to get that out in my magazine
We need to be mindful the dreaded Xmas is around the corner when we're all supposed to be happy.
You guys got me through it last year. I've got company this time but lots of people are going to be struggling we need to be mindful of this and pull together more than ever.
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Post by btajim - mcfc »

One of my old friends back in Manchester is very ill with the big C. So unwell in fact that he can’t even accept visitors in hospital. I had been planning on this weekend but I’ve sent him a video message via Facebook instead as a second best. He replied quickly to say thanks which was all I needed.

Taking time out of your own life to do something so simple for someone is easy.
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by btajim - mcfc »

I rang my mum earlier like I do every Sunday. I had quite a strict upbringing, which I had resented her for, but she was only doing what she felt was right because numerous lads from my generation got in some major trouble.

She confessed my ill health scare (serious bowel issue) destroyed her and she was beside herself with worry. One ileostomy and I recovered. “I felt like my world was going to end” she said. Most people greeted it with a stunned silence. I myself often don’t know what to say.

I’ve made mistakes but I mostly regret not getting help with my mental health at 25. I look at my reasonable content life now as a 42 year old and cringe at some of the stupid things I did back then.
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Post by Combs »

PF. wrote: Fri Nov 18, 2022 1:50 pm I was told that things would get easier and to be honest, it went in one ear and out the other. The fact is though, combs, it does get it easier. Trust me.

There will be days when it will tough and there will be triggers that I'm not sure will ever go away. There'll be a few tears when West Ham win an important game or you're standing watching a final like I was with England in the summer just gone. "He should be with me" is a regular one for me. It sounds strange, but I take this as my 'melancholic' side trying to drag me down- and whilst I acknowledge the feeling, I will not allow myself to be dragged into enforced self-pity.

You're going to go through a multitude of emotions brother. You're going to have dreams that seem real. You're going to look for answers and for signs. But the fact is, there is nothing you can do about what has happened, all you can do now is look forward.

Go out and live your life to the fullest mate. It's the only way.
Sorry for the delay in replying PF, but I wanted to see if time changed anything. Your words are spot on mate and thanks for writing them. It's been a couple of weeks now and I'm less emotional, but just very low at times especially with the World Cup on. I recognise it, have a little reflection and then tell myself that nothing is going to change.

My family suggested I didn't come back to the UK because my son's 13th birthday is next week, but I can tell that really they want me to. So I'm heading back on Sat for a week to say a farewell to my little brother on Monday. I couldn't book to arrive at Gatwick as the route back to my folks would take me past the location and I can't do it yet. Baby steps and all that.
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by rigoberts song »

Came on to post abt my mental crash but saw Combs post and wanted to say sorry for your loss. Well done for posting it takes bravery.my best mate went the same way a few years ago I know it's not the same thing as losing a brother.
Sending strength we're all here for you .
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by Samba »

rigoberts song wrote: Tue Nov 29, 2022 4:58 am Came on to post abt my mental crash but saw Combs post and wanted to say sorry for your loss. Well done for posting it takes bravery.my best mate went the same way a few years ago I know it's not the same thing as losing a brother.
Sending strength we're all here for you .
How are you, rs?
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by rigoberts song »

:hi Samba Thks for asking
Bit of a bad one Monday
My ex rang me to to say the family golden retriever who had cancer had deteriorated badly overnight had to be put down .really lovely dog too but old.
Then she said would I respect hers and my daughters wishes by not being there that killed me and I broke down In tears.
Got on the motorway to head up and daughter rang me
She was nice. first time in nearly 2 years I've spoke to her despite trying.
We reached agreement vet would do the job and I would have some quality time with her (daughter) after.
felt sad but happy to be building bridges at last.
Got to the family home at 4 Monday. dog was still warm but dead gave her a final stroke and kissed her goodbye.
Then broke down and cried Daughter said get a ****ing grip are you going now then?
I said no and a big row ensued she started calling me a loser and other horrid things .my ex didn't stick up for me so I left .wish I'd not done the deal with my daughter and gone over to wish dog goodbye before the deed.
So been feeling
A an idiot for falling for it
B gutted that the dogs gone and so has the chance of bridge building with daughter.
However a regular poster on here and an around Great guy has supported me. .you know who you are. thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Thanks for reading all.sorry to wallow
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by btajim - mcfc »

Another one of my friends passed away today. He was a huge Blue and a regular in my pre and post match pub. His name was Lee and he was nothing but an absolute gentleman. A very kind and warm person.

I’m yet to find out what has happened but it appears to be in hospital after a short illness. Our paths hadn’t crossed in a while because I no longer go to football but I saw a recent photo and he’d ballooned in size. Was using a stick too.

I found out on Facebook of all places on my lunch break. Huge shock.
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by rigoberts song »

Sorry for your loss Jim all city fans are good guys
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Post by btajim - mcfc »

Thanks. Reading all the posts people have made in response was very comforting.

I’m of an age now where friends of my own generation are passing. Having been very ill myself this year, it’s a reminder to many things.
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by Samba »

rigoberts song wrote: Wed Nov 30, 2022 7:59 pm So been feeling
A an idiot for falling for it
B gutted that the dogs gone and so has the chance of bridge building with daughter.
However a regular poster on here and an around Great guy has supported me. .you know who you are. thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Thanks for reading all.sorry to wallow
Must have been so upsetting for you, rs. You're not wallowing.
Having agreed to spend some quality time with you, I just don't understand your daughter's reaction.
Btw, you're not a loser or anything else horrible she said.
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Post by Samba »

btajim - mcfc wrote: Wed Nov 30, 2022 10:47 pmI’m of an age now where friends of my own generation are passing. Having been very ill myself this year, it’s a reminder to many things.
Sorry to hear of the loss of your friend, Jim. It's never easy & of course, the older that we get, the more likely that it happens.
And yes, usually reminds us of our own mortality.
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Post by btajim - mcfc »

It had become the first year in a while that nobody went. City meant the world to him so I can see lots of blue at his funeral.
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by Tenbury »

Rigoberts,
Sounds like you're having a really lousy time. Things are obviously really raw for both you and your family. If your daughter's sharing a house with her Mum, she's bound to side with her(TBF, if the roles were reversed it might be different). Just give her time, and a bit of space, my kids live /have lived with me, and from 9 - 19+ they 've frequently called me all sorts of sh*t, but it's mostly just rites of passage, and they probably regret it later. Try, if you can, to rise above the squabble stuff, make sure you remember birthdays/Christmas/etc, and don't make any demands.
Give it time, with a bit of luck she'll come round.

Best Wishes.
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Post by wolf359 »

Dragging myself to the works Christmas doo tonight. Something I would have never have done before this job. I said I wouldn't go but have been talked into it. It is a free bar and most of them will be getting tanked up. I won't be drinking (336 days dry) and don't tolerate 'merry' people very well.

You'd wonder why I am going to get dressed, get on a train in the cold to go and do something I instinctively don't want to do but I consider this progress to be honest. The 'team' is big at my place of employment and I sort of need to get keep 'in' but part of me does want to go I do like the people I work with (at least I can escape at any time and get the train back.)

In all seriousness I've not posted on this thread for an age, I've not needed to. The people I work with are the nearest thing to friends I have ever had, we talk almost as much outside work (about non-work) than we do in work hours (whats-app group mainly.)

Christmas parties are not a fun time for the socially awkward, anti-social for me this will be new territory. Have fun all.
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by mushy »

wolf359 wrote: Fri Dec 02, 2022 2:49 pm

Christmas parties are not a fun time for the socially awkward, anti-social for me this will be new territory. Have fun all.
Christmas parties can be a particularly trying time for all sorts of reasons.
Well done for making an effort though.
I've perfected the art of slipping away unnoticed if I'm not enjoying it. Most people won't notice as they will be in full party mode,.and if anyone does ask then just say you weren't feeling great. No more detail required.
I bet nobody does though.
Apart from that I'm glad you're feeling a bit better about things in general.
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by btajim - mcfc »

We’ve eventually become a team at my work but it took a good year. The girls go to anywhere from best friends to bitchy whilst I just keep my head down at work and graft. I think I’ve won their respect by being an efficient worker who does what’s required of him. They were also pleased to see me back after hospital / surgery / recovery that kept me off for six weeks.

Interestingly, we’re yet to socialise as a team and I’ve been there 16 months. One suggested they don’t know me as a person and I admitted they’d find me a different character outside of work. I keep the two separate for a variety of reasons and am too busy to talk in the office.

I’ll go if everyone goes but I’ve my own friends. I don’t want to be close with my colleagues.
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by fjthegrey »

You lay in bed at the end of the day and analyse it's events, in a general sense. The abundant failures, the minor successes, the indifferences. There is a broad feeling that much of it was wasted. The inexhaustive list of jobs/tasks you had grew larger, the moments of leisure were distracted and improperly savoured, you didn't contribute to improving anything. It was forgettable and you've spent your time negligently. It wasn't a success by many measurables.

Then comes the genuine and heartfelt resolution that tomorrow will be better. You mentally collate a list of tasks in your mind which feel easily attainable, you scoff at having not completed the tasks before, given how simple and easy they will be to accomplish. You're energised to do more, to succeed where you had previously failed, to spend tomorrow night celebrating abundant successes. Your intent is authentic. You almost wish you didn't need to sleep so you could get up and get to work on your list of tasks immediately. You fall asleep with clarity and fortitude.

Then you wake up and everything is exactly the same as it was the day before. You're lucky if you even attempt to tackle one thing on the list you drew up the previous evening, let alone complete it. You procrastinate, you're half hearted and passive, it flows by as though you barely existed. And then you're in bed again that evening, piecing together an explanation for more failures and fewer successes, convincing yourself again that tomorrow will be better, you will be better.

I simply cannot be the only person who does this?
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