The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Moderators: Gnome, last.caress, Wilko1304, Rio, bristolhammerfc, the pink palermo, chalks
- sussexhammer74
- Posts: 2615
- Joined: Fri Jun 15, 2007 9:43 pm
- Location: Sussex
- Has liked: 259 likes
- Total likes: 236 likes
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
I've just invented a telepathic air freshener. Makes scents when you think about it...
- Greatest Cockney Rip Off
- Posts: 19295
- Joined: Tue Dec 02, 2003 12:29 am
- Location: The oil drum in the Garden of England
- Has liked: 338 likes
- Total likes: 728 likes
- Contact:
-
- Posts: 3139
- Joined: Thu Jan 10, 2013 10:37 pm
- Has liked: 2781 likes
- Total likes: 607 likes
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
A blind man stood by the station every day selling matches for 20p from a tray and every weekday a man comes out of the station each morning and puts 20p on the tray but never takes the matches.
One morning he drops 20p on the tray as usual and as he walks away the blind man shouts "Excuse me, are you the gentleman man that always puts 20p on my tray but doesn't take any matches?”
The man said "Yes, that's me".
The blind man said, "I think you should know that they’ve gone up to 30p”
One morning he drops 20p on the tray as usual and as he walks away the blind man shouts "Excuse me, are you the gentleman man that always puts 20p on my tray but doesn't take any matches?”
The man said "Yes, that's me".
The blind man said, "I think you should know that they’ve gone up to 30p”
- ageing hammer
- Posts: 25445
- Joined: Thu Jan 03, 2008 9:04 am
- Location: Cockney Hammer's stunt double
- Has liked: 484 likes
- Total likes: 1475 likes
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
I just asked the woman in the book shop if Prince Harry's book is available to download.
She said " Do you want the PDF file "
I said " No, that's his uncle "
She said " Do you want the PDF file "
I said " No, that's his uncle "
-
- Posts: 3139
- Joined: Thu Jan 10, 2013 10:37 pm
- Has liked: 2781 likes
- Total likes: 607 likes
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
How many mystery writers does it take to change a lightbulb?
2. One to change the bulb and one to give it an unexpected twist at the end.
2. One to change the bulb and one to give it an unexpected twist at the end.
- ageing hammer
- Posts: 25445
- Joined: Thu Jan 03, 2008 9:04 am
- Location: Cockney Hammer's stunt double
- Has liked: 484 likes
- Total likes: 1475 likes
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Did you hear about the blonde who tried to top herself?
She locked herself into her garage with the car running.
After three days the batteries ran out..........................
She locked herself into her garage with the car running.
After three days the batteries ran out..........................
-
- Posts: 3139
- Joined: Thu Jan 10, 2013 10:37 pm
- Has liked: 2781 likes
- Total likes: 607 likes
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
The wife and I have joined a swingers club, we all meet up in our local library.
I can’t say too much, it’s all a bit hush hush.
I can’t say too much, it’s all a bit hush hush.
- Dover KUMB fan
- Posts: 3242
- Joined: Fri Nov 27, 2009 8:33 am
- Total likes: 42 likes
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
I was delighted when the missus finally agreed to a bit of back door boogie
Kinda killed the moment when I called her Trevor.
Kinda killed the moment when I called her Trevor.
-
- Posts: 3139
- Joined: Thu Jan 10, 2013 10:37 pm
- Has liked: 2781 likes
- Total likes: 607 likes
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Have you ever seen a twenty pound note all crumpled up?" asked the wife.
"No," I said.
She gave me a sexy little smile,slowly reached into her cleavage and pulled out a crumpled twenty pound note.
"Have you ever seen a fifty pound note all crumpled up?" she asked.
"No," I said.
She gave me another sexy little smile,seductively reached into her knickers and pulled out a crumpled fifty pound note.
"Now," she said, "have you ever seen 30,000 pounds all crumpled up?"
"No," I said, intrigued.
"Well, go and take a quick look in the garage”
"No," I said.
She gave me a sexy little smile,slowly reached into her cleavage and pulled out a crumpled twenty pound note.
"Have you ever seen a fifty pound note all crumpled up?" she asked.
"No," I said.
She gave me another sexy little smile,seductively reached into her knickers and pulled out a crumpled fifty pound note.
"Now," she said, "have you ever seen 30,000 pounds all crumpled up?"
"No," I said, intrigued.
"Well, go and take a quick look in the garage”
- Monkeybubbles
- Posts: 13801
- Joined: Sun Feb 02, 2014 11:00 am
- Location: Rumble, Brighton, Tonight.
- Has liked: 485 likes
- Total likes: 1955 likes
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Eh?Dover KUMB fan wrote: ↑Mon Jan 30, 2023 10:06 am I was delighted when the missus finally agreed to a bit of back door boogie
Kinda killed the moment when I called her Trevor.
- Samba
- Posts: 21811
- Joined: Mon Apr 03, 2017 3:36 pm
- Location: David Sullivan's least favourite fluffer.
- Has liked: 2484 likes
- Total likes: 895 likes
- Arnold Layne
- Posts: 2065
- Joined: Thu Dec 17, 2009 4:12 pm
- Has liked: 47 likes
- Total likes: 143 likes
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Sorry, nope.Dover KUMB fan wrote: ↑Mon Jan 30, 2023 10:06 am I was delighted when the missus finally agreed to a bit of back door boogie
Kinda killed the moment when I called her Trevor.
Online
- vietnammer
- Bucky the beaver
- Posts: 31667
- Joined: Sun Dec 08, 2002 2:31 am
- Location: Those little golden birdies look at them
- Has liked: 621 likes
- Total likes: 579 likes
- WestSamToo
- Posts: 698
- Joined: Sun May 22, 2022 6:43 am
- Has liked: 384 likes
- Total likes: 314 likes
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
....is his wife....Ian Bishop?Dover KUMB fan wrote: ↑Mon Jan 30, 2023 10:06 am I was delighted when the missus finally agreed to a bit of back door boogie
Kinda killed the moment when I called her Trevor.
-
- Posts: 3139
- Joined: Thu Jan 10, 2013 10:37 pm
- Has liked: 2781 likes
- Total likes: 607 likes
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
My dyslexic club had a day out to visit a Maritime museum.
Half of us loved it, the other half hated it.
Half of us loved it, the other half hated it.
-
- Posts: 3139
- Joined: Thu Jan 10, 2013 10:37 pm
- Has liked: 2781 likes
- Total likes: 607 likes
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
“I’m sorry sir, we don't serve time travelers in here”
A time traveller walks into a bar.
A time traveller walks into a bar.