The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

[YorksHammer]

Just read Sendo's post, jeez, life really is fragile isn't it? I know the guy survived, but it could just be that simple.

Look after yourselves and each other, folks.

[Ozza]

I feel a bit disappointed in myself, I spend whatever time I have on here in the general discussion thread rather than coming over to the snug.....

I've suffered with depression for over 20 years which included debilitating anxiety attacks.... so I'm here for anyone who needs it....

Happy to say I'm off the meds and learnt coping mechanisms that work, after going through counselling which really allowed me to understand myself.

I also went through a mental health first aider course..

My advice

- If you are not feeling right talk to people, your closest might not be the best options as (in my case), my mrs and friends just didn't understand it, but find someone to talk to (people on here).
- Speak to your GP and get meds to balance you out if they suggest it (don't be a martyr about it)
- Stop drinking alcohol immediately
- If there isn't a reason for the issue then push to see consultants and get counselling, it was the best thing I ever did and it literally saved my life.

Anyway anyone can ping me anytime about anything, I'm a survivor of this horrible disease and I committed to myself that I would help anyone if I could.

Big love to you all

Owen

[mushy]

Great post ozza and well bloody done mate.
Have you got a couple of examples of the coping mechanisms you were taught?

[Ozza]

It’s a great question Mushy…..

I think firstly it’s about understanding the reason for it, and I mean really understand it, that for me only came through counselling.

For me once I knew that I knew that it would always be with me, but I also knew who and why i was who I am, and that’s empowering.

Once I knew the above I could feel and see the signs of when an attack was coming on, or my mood was getting low… I always describe it as a starting to fall into a deep dark well, that just got deeper…. Or a dark blanket that never wanted me to leave…

But I labelled it I made it a thing, and that thing was part of me for ever but a part that I could control, again this is empowering and liberating…

So I knew why I was why I was, I knew the signs of when it was getting bad and I knew that I could control it not it controlling me…. And then came the coping mechanisms….

- When I feel it coming, I start talking, I educated my closest about the illness, about why it comes, about how to be around me when it comes, this is important as people who have never had it just dont understand it….. so when it’s coming I start talking..

- I dont drink any alcohol, I cut back on caffeine.

- I make sure I exercise, take walks, stay active, do the things that depression wants you not to do…

- I try to find something to do that’s creative, photography is my thing and I find that creativity beats depression

- I sleep… sometimes I need things like nytol herbal, and herbal tea before bed…

- I tell it to f*** off

- I give myself a break and dont let self loathing kick in.

- And I keep talking

- I’m also very open about the illness, it is an illness, a serious one, so call it what it is, dont be ashamed of it.

- And if I need to, then I will take time off work, my family, friends and mental health are more important than anything else….

And all of the above means that it’s become less and less in my life, my 30’s to 40’s were horrendous, I got counselling once I got to 40, now 50 and probably feel **** no more than twice a year and I come out of it quickly.

Hope that helps

[Misko]

Great post, Ozza. I wish I could have my son reading it. He is 19yo and has been struggling a lot for at least 3 years. I don't really know how to describe it, but I can see many things that makes me think he is facing depression, and I don't know how to help him.

First of all, he really has extreme difficulties to take care of himself. He would wear old clothes, almost rags, if nobody says to him to change it or simply get rid of it. When he comes home, he tries to be clean, but I know him well enough that his hygiene is much below par, not washing enough or correctly. This has been an issue for ages, and I lost so much time and energy telling him to go to wash in the past (his mother and I split 15 years ago) that I'm even tired just thinking of it. There is a global issue with self loathing, and it seems that he is doing everything possible to be the most repulsive possible.

He is a good student, he's doing good at school, but he has to find a training period in a company next Aprl. He barely made any application so far, and I know it will be hard to find something now. I've been offering him help, as I work in the field of his studies. The head of recruitment of my company even took of her personal time to review his CV and have a mock phone interview. But he just doesn't do much of it. Last time he came home, I even sat down with him trying to understand if he is sabotaging it on purpose, to find a way out of school, or something. It appears he just doesn't feel able to face all the stress of the search, the interviews and ultimately to go to an uknown place in an unknown context. I can totally relate to that, I didn't have much self confidence and self esteem myself when I was his age. But this doesn't make me able to help him. I said to him he should seek for some counselling and also medical help. Actually, I already had him see my GP few months ago, just so that he has some professional to try to talk to. But it didn't go any further, he didn't make other appointments nor seek for counselling.

The other major issues is his addiction to his phone and to screens. He is never without any of them. He listens ot music non stop, even during the night. He can't be without it, he says. In my opinion, he just can't cope to be alone facing his thoughts. So he doesn't everything to be distracted from them, but this very distraction participates to make the burden of these thoughts heavier. Textbook vicious circle. He acknowledges the addiction but is not willing to do anything about it.

My wife and I are desperate about all this. His mother ain't willing to accept that the situation is bad, I've tried many time to talk about it, but she always denies the criticity of it. I feel so helpless and I seriously worry he would harm himself.

[-DL-]

As an aside, I'm loving the fact our adopted Frenchman is using the word 'ain't'.

Ozza, top posting dude.

[Ozza]

Cheers brother

[rare as rockinghorse shat]

Just popping my head in to wish everyone well.
I'm guilty of not being up to date with the thread and there's too much to catch up on everything, but I do have the general gist and hope everyone is managing to deal with what they've got going on.
At the end of the day, that's what it's all about - for me, nothing is ever 'put into perspective' by someone else's issues. It's a bit of a lazy phrase.
If things were that easy then 95% of us wouldn't have a care in the world.

As I've always said, your problems are as tough as your ability to deal with them. Some people can smile through terminal illness, whilst others contemplate ending things because they got a B in a minor exam, rather than an A.
Don't put off getting help and trying to find a solution, but be aware that advice is just advice and to be careful that you do something that is right for you.

This thread has become immensely powerful and is a reminder that people are bloody good and that there's a tonne of the 'old' West Ham left roaring and strong.

I've got a few things going on myself and a lot of it answers a lot of questions about myself, how I've been for a long time, but I'm taking the first steps to, hopefully, get it all sorted.
I'll probably pop something in here soon, maybe when there's a bit more to update on.


Sullivan & Brady out.

[ageing hammer]

Great to hear from you mate, hope it all goes well.

[Tenbury]

RARS,
All this is your fault Hope you can get things straight.
Gawd Bless ya!

[btajim - mcfc]

Great post, Ozza. I wish I could have my son reading it. He is 19yo and has been struggling a lot for at least 3 years. I don't really know how to describe it, but I can see many things that makes me think he is facing depression, and I don't know how to help him.

Any diagnosis is single handedly the most important thing for him to receive. It's going to be positive from there.

"You've got depression but it's only mild" came from a doctor in early March 2020. I must admit I've surprised myself with that just now as it's almost three years ago. I've completely rebuilt as a person and made the significant changes I needed to.

[Misko]

Any diagnosis is single handedly the most important thing for him to receive. It's going to be positive from there.

"You've got depression but it's only mild" came from a doctor in early March 2020. I must admit I've surprised myself with that just now as it's almost three years ago. I've completely rebuilt as a person and made the significant changes I needed to.

Thank you, Jim.

I really hope he will reach this stage soon...

[Joffrey]

Great post, Ozza. I wish I could have my son reading it. He is 19yo and has been struggling a lot for at least 3 years. I don't really know how to describe it, but I can see many things that makes me think he is facing depression, and I don't know how to help him.

Well it sounds like he’s got a loving, caring dad in his corner so that it is a great starting point. Not in a position to offer much advice on this but teenage years are very tough - hormones can have a big impact on adolescent’s mental health. Good to hear he is doing well at school, maybe the extra stress of finding the training post is a bit overwhelming? Does his school offer any kind of pastoral care? They might be able to offer some guidance (to either or both of you) as they are bound to have had students in a similar position. All the best mate.

[Joyeux Marteau]

I feel so helpless and I seriously worry he would harm himself.

Salut Misko,

Sorry to chop your post down so much. Are you worried your son would self harm?

I’ve gone down that road in my past so if there’s anything I can do to help, please let me know.

You seem like a great person and your son is lucky to have you in his life.

Take care!

[rigoberts song]

I'm lucky enough to have met Misko in real life he's a great guy sorry to hear about your lad .
That's a truly great post Ozza and it's a DIY toolkit to keeping the Demons at bay I use most of it myself .
Especially the walking ,hardly any booze ,minimum tea or coffee and getting out doing stuff.

[WHU Independent]

This might seem a bit wanky but I had a bit of a revelation the other day.

To cut a long story short, I worked hard for a good 3 hours, I was both mentally and physically tired - it was mainly physical work - and I was totally knackered - and in a bad mood, that i couldn't shake off. I hated the job I had to do and really didn't want to do it. I did it, but with resentment and that resentment spilled out of me.

I was also filthy dirty, so i ran a hot bath and put in some foam bath stuff I picked up cheap. I sat in the bath and the smell of the bath stuff, which was Violet, totally calmed me down. That combined with the hot bath , a head to toe was and scrub and then towel down with crisp white clean cottn towels, then chaning into a complete set of totally clean clothes ensured that I was totally calm. Gone was the bad mood, the foul temper etc - i felt so brand new top to toe, and I just COULDN'T be angry.

I think that smells, being totally clean and in clean clothes really help change your mood. It did for me and will be utilising this technique the next time I have anger management issues.

[rigoberts song]

That doesn't sound wanky at all indy this is a non judgementmental thread whatever works and the bath idea is great a nice foam bath always makes me sleep better especially after a yoga session.
If you want wanky I'll explain my cinema technique !

[YorksHammer]

A good hot bath with some lovely bath **** in it is my go to when I'm feeling low - nothing wanky about it.

Ozza, that post is excellent. I did some Cognitive Behavioural Therapy very early on in my time with serious depression (halfway through the course I realised I needed more help - but that's another story) and a lot of what is taught on that is what you've covered there. Eating healthy using the Eatwell guide with less meat and more fruit/veg, drinking healthy by cutting caffeine and booze and replacing with water, sleeping better, talking to people as you feel it coming on, taking time to yourself - CBT is focused on all of those things, and they're really good coping mechanisms.

Getting outside is a massive one for me, and I've realised it over the past couple of years especially. Recently I've been making sure get outside every day, and for more than just the drive to work or the school run recently - properly just taking time for me to have a walk. Sometimes it's only to the shop but I'll take a round about route there, other times it's walking without purpose just with my headphones in. I've also skated around my local estate a bit when I've felt up to it and it's dry, and when it gets a bit lighter in the evenings I think I'll settle back into a pattern of running that I'll hopefully keep going into the winter time as well.

Misko, with your kid - hygiene is a big thing to watch for, and one of the first things that went for me with depression setting in. I would go without washing and, yes, wear clothes to extinction. I still do the latter but that's because I'm a thrifty little git. And phone addiction - we definitely all have a bit of it, and I think more so in the younger generation than any other. Have you tried to involve them in activity with yourself? My kids are younger so maybe more receptive to stuff like this, but try getting them sat down for a board game or something with you, no matter what it is, with phones to one side. It's a great way to break that cycle, but also might give you opportunity to talk without actually focusing on the subject itself. Just an idea.

[Ozza]

This might seem a bit wanky but I had a bit of a revelation the other day.

To cut a long story short, I worked hard for a good 3 hours, I was both mentally and physically tired - it was mainly physical work - and I was totally knackered - and in a bad mood, that i couldn't shake off. I hated the job I had to do and really didn't want to do it. I did it, but with resentment and that resentment spilled out of me.

I was also filthy dirty, so i ran a hot bath and put in some foam bath stuff I picked up cheap. I sat in the bath and the smell of the bath stuff, which was Violet, totally calmed me down. That combined with the hot bath , a head to toe was and scrub and then towel down with crisp white clean cottn towels, then chaning into a complete set of totally clean clothes ensured that I was totally calm. Gone was the bad mood, the foul temper etc - i felt so brand new top to toe, and I just COULDN'T be angry.

I think that smells, being totally clean and in clean clothes really help change your mood. It did for me and will be utilising this technique the next time I have anger management issues.

Certainly not wanky at all, there is a lot to be said in regard to herbals and how they can help, be it sleep, relaxation, energy levels etc, there is certainly too much of a reliance on medication (pharmaceuticals), as well as using alcohol to medicate

Great article here about herbals in baths

https://www.chagrinvalleysoapandsalve.c ... ing-herbs/

[Ozza]

A good hot bath with some lovely bath **** in it is my go to when I'm feeling low - nothing wanky about it.

Ozza, that post is excellent. I did some Cognitive Behavioural Therapy very early on in my time with serious depression (halfway through the course I realised I needed more help - but that's another story) and a lot of what is taught on that is what you've covered there. Eating healthy using the Eatwell guide with less meat and more fruit/veg, drinking healthy by cutting caffeine and booze and replacing with water, sleeping better, talking to people as you feel it coming on, taking time to yourself - CBT is focused on all of those things, and they're really good coping mechanisms.

Getting outside is a massive one for me, and I've realised it over the past couple of years especially. Recently I've been making sure get outside every day, and for more than just the drive to work or the school run recently - properly just taking time for me to have a walk. Sometimes it's only to the shop but I'll take a round about route there, other times it's walking without purpose just with my headphones in. I've also skated around my local estate a bit when I've felt up to it and it's dry, and when it gets a bit lighter in the evenings I think I'll settle back into a pattern of running that I'll hopefully keep going into the winter time as well.

Misko, with your kid - hygiene is a big thing to watch for, and one of the first things that went for me with depression setting in. I would go without washing and, yes, wear clothes to extinction. I still do the latter but that's because I'm a thrifty little git. And phone addiction - we definitely all have a bit of it, and I think more so in the younger generation than any other. Have you tried to involve them in activity with yourself? My kids are younger so maybe more receptive to stuff like this, but try getting them sat down for a board game or something with you, no matter what it is, with phones to one side. It's a great way to break that cycle, but also might give you opportunity to talk without actually focusing on the subject itself. Just an idea.

Cheers mate, got this lovely vision of you skating around, 1980’s disco style