The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

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Hindley Hammer
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Hindley Hammer »

In a joint venture Spurs and Arsenal are to produce North London Beer. Not available in cans, they can only bottle it.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by ageing hammer »

A blonde doing a phone in quiz on the radio was asked " In the movie E.T. what is E.T. short for "

Blonde answers " Em.. 'cos he didn't eat his greens ? "
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Westcliffspur »

Very sad to hear of the death of Tina Turner, even though she once sold me some dodgy used paint on eBay. Turned out it was second hand emulsion.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Westcliffspur »

Hindley Hammer wrote: Fri May 19, 2023 1:05 pm In a joint venture Spurs and Arsenal are to produce North London Beer. Not available in cans, they can only bottle it.
With my team's recent appalling away record I've come to.the conclusion.that the only way we are going get 3 points at Leeds on Sunday is if Suella Braverman drives the team bus home.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Monkeybubbles »

I used to have a job in an office, answering a phone, but it wasn't for me.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Hammer.CA »

To make sure that Rolf Harris’s grave isn’t interfered with, he has been buried at sea.
The exact location hasn’t been revealed but apparently it’s between 2 little buoys.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Rocketron »

With all the fuss over Flakes being too brittle to put into an ice cream cone, Cadbury have decide to send them all to France.
Their statement said " No one asks for a ninety nine in France, it takes too long."
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Hammer.CA »

Just bought a 75 inch TV to watch the Premier League next season.
I've opened the box to find there's no Leeds.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by ageing hammer »

I told a joke at a zoom meeting but nobody laughed.



Turns out I am not remotely funny.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Alan Pardew's Dad »

My daughter asked me what it was like being a parent.

So I woke her up at 3am to tell her that my sock had just come off.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by ageing hammer »

A sign on a wall

Interested in time travel?

Meet here last Thursday at 7pm
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by BalaamBoy »

ageing hammer wrote: Tue May 30, 2023 12:40 pm I told a joke at a zoom meeting but nobody laughed.



Turns out I am not remotely funny.
Quality !
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Monkeybubbles »

My chiropractor told me a joke during my last appointment. It was about a week back.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Hammer.CA »

Ele tri Typewriter for sale.

Perfe t working ondition.

onta t Ni k on 0 59 2584 1

heers
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by wolf359 »

Alan Pardew's Dad wrote: Tue May 30, 2023 6:14 pm My daughter asked me what it was like being a parent.

So I woke her up at 3am to tell her that my sock had just come off.
Tickled me far more than that should.
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ageing hammer
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by ageing hammer »

Philip Schofield, Holly and Gino De Campo were walking in a woods and came to a bridge.

Holly tripped and got her head stuck in a railings.

Quick as a flash Gina pulls aside her G-string and ****'s her senseless.

He stands back and tells Philip "your turn"

Philip bursts into tears

"What's wrong" asked Gino

Philip sobs " my head won't fit through the railings"
Last edited by ageing hammer on Thu Jun 01, 2023 8:17 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by ThreeSixes »

I've got a nephew who is 4 years old, but he can't say "please" in Spanish. That's poor for four, isn't it!
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Hammer.CA »

I’m dating a bin lady at the moment but can’t remember whether I’m taking her out on Monday or Wednesday.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by ageing hammer »

Breaking:

Philip Schofield has been offered the role of manager at Tottenham.

Philip turned down the offer adding " I have my reputation to think about "
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Coops »

Bought a new television to watch the premier league next season.
Opened the box No Leeds
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