The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

[Hindley Hammer]

In a joint venture Spurs and Arsenal are to produce North London Beer. Not available in cans, they can only bottle it.

[ageing hammer]

A blonde doing a phone in quiz on the radio was asked " In the movie E.T. what is E.T. short for "

Blonde answers " Em.. 'cos he didn't eat his greens ? "

[Westcliffspur]

Very sad to hear of the death of Tina Turner, even though she once sold me some dodgy used paint on eBay. Turned out it was second hand emulsion.

[Westcliffspur]

In a joint venture Spurs and Arsenal are to produce North London Beer. Not available in cans, they can only bottle it.

With my team's recent appalling away record I've come to.the conclusion.that the only way we are going get 3 points at Leeds on Sunday is if Suella Braverman drives the team bus home.

[Monkeybubbles]

I used to have a job in an office, answering a phone, but it wasn't for me.

[Hammer.CA]

To make sure that Rolf Harris’s grave isn’t interfered with, he has been buried at sea.
The exact location hasn’t been revealed but apparently it’s between 2 little buoys.

[Rocketron]

With all the fuss over Flakes being too brittle to put into an ice cream cone, Cadbury have decide to send them all to France.
Their statement said " No one asks for a ninety nine in France, it takes too long."

[Hammer.CA]

Just bought a 75 inch TV to watch the Premier League next season.
I've opened the box to find there's no Leeds.

[ageing hammer]

I told a joke at a zoom meeting but nobody laughed.



Turns out I am not remotely funny.

[Alan Pardew's Dad]

My daughter asked me what it was like being a parent.

So I woke her up at 3am to tell her that my sock had just come off.

[ageing hammer]

A sign on a wall

Interested in time travel?

Meet here last Thursday at 7pm

[BalaamBoy]

I told a joke at a zoom meeting but nobody laughed.



Turns out I am not remotely funny.

Quality !

[Monkeybubbles]

My chiropractor told me a joke during my last appointment. It was about a week back.

[Hammer.CA]

Ele tri Typewriter for sale.

Perfe t working ondition.

onta t Ni k on 0 59 2584 1

heers

[wolf359]

My daughter asked me what it was like being a parent.

So I woke her up at 3am to tell her that my sock had just come off.

Tickled me far more than that should.

[ageing hammer]

Philip Schofield, Holly and Gino De Campo were walking in a woods and came to a bridge.

Holly tripped and got her head stuck in a railings.

Quick as a flash Gina pulls aside her G-string and ****'s her senseless.

He stands back and tells Philip "your turn"

Philip bursts into tears

"What's wrong" asked Gino

Philip sobs " my head won't fit through the railings"

[ThreeSixes]

I've got a nephew who is 4 years old, but he can't say "please" in Spanish. That's poor for four, isn't it!

[Hammer.CA]

I’m dating a bin lady at the moment but can’t remember whether I’m taking her out on Monday or Wednesday.

[ageing hammer]

Breaking:

Philip Schofield has been offered the role of manager at Tottenham.

Philip turned down the offer adding " I have my reputation to think about "

[Coops]

Bought a new television to watch the premier league next season.
Opened the box No Leeds