The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

[Plashet Grove Pete]

Bloody hell Coops - you could have at least waited for a new page before repeating a joke!

[Alan Pardew's Dad]

After several tests, the doctor sat me down to give me the bad news that I was going deaf.

To be honest, it was tough to hear.

[Alan Pardew's Dad]

I hired a decorator and gave him a list of ten jobs that I needed doing. He only did items 1, 3, 5, 7 and 9 on the list.

Turned out he was only an odd job man.

[Tenbury]

Why does Noddy wear a bell on his hat?



Because he's a c@nt.

[Samba]

Bloody hell Coops - you could have at least waited for a new page before repeating a joke!

Shocking occurrence, Coops.
Monkeybubbles will be on his way soon...

[Monkeybubbles]

Shocking occurrence, Coops.
Monkeybubbles will be on his way soon...

I just feel pity.

[Hammer.CA]

I just feel pity.

[Hammer.CA]

I bought an ultra hd 4k smart trimmer from B&Q yesterday.

It's the latest in cutting hedge technology.

[Up the Junction]

[Hammer.CA]

I posed nude for an art class last week.
They didn’t ask me to, they were making ceramic bowls.

[Shabu]

I posed nude for an art class last week.
They didn’t ask me to, they were making ceramic bowls.

They ended up making ceramic balls

[Puff Daddy]

A holocaust survivor meets God and God's asks him, what was is like in there ?The holocaust survivor said, well it wasn't bad too bad really. God, said, really? The holocaust survivor, then said, well, I guess you had to be there, really

[Monkeybubbles]

I wanted to know how much a rainbow weighs. Turns out it's pretty light.

[Monkeybubbles]

This morning I had to help my Uncle Jack off a horse
Thank God for capital letters.

[vietnammer]

This morning I had to help my Uncle Jack off a horse
Thank God for capital letters.

You could be hoist by your own petard for that. I just can't remember when.

[Monkeybubbles]

You could be hoist by your own petard for that. I just can't remember when.

You have learnt well. My work here is done.

[Hammer.CA]

I’ve completely misunderstood what Pride Month is all about.
Is anyone interested in buying 15 lions?

[Monkeybubbles]

I remember everybody at school taking the pee out of me when I said that my dad worked in a cottage industry. They thought it meant he was into cottaging, rather than working from home in a small scale manufacturing business.

What he actually did was produce hand lettered invitation cards, embellished with an artful yet somehow charmingly naive mixture of photo collage and hand drawn imagery. When they were finished, he'd stick them up on lampposts in the local area and then dash to the loos at Brighton station, where he'd wait for sailors to come and poke him up the fou fou.

[vietnammer]

I may be dyslexic but I'm a fart smeller!

[Hammer.CA]

Little known fact about the story of Peter Pan,
Captain Hook bought his hook from a second hand store.