The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

[Puff Daddy]

An excited job applicant sees a job advertised asking ' Do you like sex and travel' ? He applies and the very next day, he is invited to attend an interview.

When he gets there, the interviewer says to him:

"So, you like sex and travel then, yeah?"

Very excited, he replies, Yeah !!

The interviewer then says : "Well f*** off then"

[Hammer.CA]

I was going to have a bet on McIlroy to win the Masters but it’s about a 2 mile walk to the nearest bookie, that’s a long way to tip a Rory.

[Puff Daddy]

What is a thespian?

A lesbian with lisp

[Hammer.CA]

A buddhist monk walks up to a hot dog stand. “Make me one with everything,” he asks ...
... then the monk pays for his order with a large denomination note. The hot dog vendor pockets the note and turns to the next customer.
“Hey, where's my change?” asks the Buddhist monk.
“Change comes from within,” the vendor says.

[swisstony]

I'd have a fiver on that monk being the Dali Lama, if I was a Tibetan man

[Hammer.CA]

I met my wife at a singles club, which was a big surprise because I thought she was at home watching the kids.

[Hammer.CA]

My wife was texting me all day to say that she was in casualty, I watched all 50 minutes of it last night and I didn’t see her once.
She’s still not home yet and I’m starting to get really hungry.

[Hammer.CA]

I got a Womble pepper grinder for my birthday, It's rubbish!
Everything is either, underground or overground.

[jastons]

What happens when the Pope dies ? Another one popes up .

[devonshire flu]

None of you tossers thought I'd get over my obsession with Phil Collins.


But take a look at me know!

[WappingIron]

None of you tossers thought I'd get over my obsession with Phil Collins.


But take a look at me know!

took me a while....may wanna edit the last word though

[Hammer.CA]

Using pepper spray on young offenders will only turn them into seasoned criminals.

[Monkeybubbles]

A policeman knocked on the front door last night.

He said "I'm very sorry to tell you this, but it looks like your wife's been hit by a bus".

"Yeah, I know" I replied, "but she's great with the kids".

[Tenbury]

A Dalek goes into a pub in Plymouth, the landlord says 'ain't seen you around..Where you from?'........Dalek says :...' Exeter,mate'....

[Hammer.CA]

Back in my day we rode our bikes without helmets and we turned out fine.
And you know what else? Back in my day we rode our bikes without helmets and we turned out fine......

[swisstony]

I've just watched a documentary about black holes, not my usual viewing but I got sucked in

[pablo jaye]

My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing him.
Went out. Had a few drinks. Nice guy. He's a web designer.

[WappingIron]

The Indian restaurant I work for is so secretive I had to sign a legal agreement that I wouldn’t share the flatbread recipe.

Just their standard naan disclosure agreement.

[Hammer.CA]

My bullying support group meets at 8pm tonight.

YOU’D BETTER BE THERE!

[Hammer.CA]

I've got one of those smart showers.
It tells you when some idiot is filling the kettle downstairs.