The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

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Shabu
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Shabu »

Bamber Gascoigne wrote: Fri Jan 07, 2022 11:58 pm My annual invite to next months "Jeremy Beadle Anniversary Wake" arrived this morning.

I had hoped that after 14 years we'd get a silver service luncheon thrown in, but no, yet again its another small finger buffet...........
I vaguely remember an old joke about Jeremy Beadle having a massive penis.

Although on the other hand it was not that big.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Joyeux Marteau »

DoubleDave wrote: Mon Jan 17, 2022 10:28 pm Djokovic being deported from Australia.
Does that count as a return of Serb?
He’s taking over as England’s cricket coach. He’s got no experience but it took Australia two weeks to get him out.
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-DL-
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by -DL- »

My wife just said I was a sex machine.

Her exact words were 'You're a ****ing tool', but I knew EXACTLY what she meant.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by -DL- »

I've just created a new fragrance aimed at the introvert and sociopath market.

I've called it Leave me - the fuh cologne.
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duncanio
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by duncanio »

duncanio wrote: Mon Jan 10, 2022 11:46 pm Cleaning windows? That's a job I could see myself doing.
**** ... that was meant to be "Cleaning mirrors? That's a job I could see myself doing."

... see it's actually a joke now.
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pablo jaye
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by pablo jaye »

The spelling of Irish names is my pet piamh
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Dover KUMB fan
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Dover KUMB fan »

My English teacher always told me that spelling doesn't matter because in the future we'll have autocorrect, and for that advice I will be eternally grapefruit.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by The Collector »

Dover KUMB fan wrote: Thu Feb 03, 2022 9:21 pm My English teacher always told me that spelling doesn't matter because in the future we'll have autocorrect, and for that advice I will be eternally grapefruit.
So, this isn’t a joke but a true story and therefore should not trouble MB.

My old shift manager was not blessed with the best ability to spell and embraced spell checking on his rare forays into the world of emails. He did once write to our HR department addressing the message “Private and Continental”. He had got “confidential” so wrong that the spell checker suggested this as probably what he meant to write and he accepted the suggestion as close enough.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Samba »

duncanio wrote: Sat Jan 29, 2022 7:22 pm **** ... that was meant to be "Cleaning mirrors? That's a job I could see myself doing."

... see it's actually a joke now.
I was still scratching my head over that windows one..
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Shy Ted »

I've just ordered a Rapid Test kit from the NHS. They sent me a DVD of Australia v England......
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Joyeux Marteau »

Shy Ted wrote: Fri Feb 04, 2022 12:21 pm I've just ordered a Rapid Test kit from the NHS. They sent me a DVD of Australia v England......
:clap:

Brilliant!
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Suffolk Iron
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Suffolk Iron »

Just heard the news that a guy I know has passed away.

He used to work in the local auctioneers.

Very sad, not sure how old he was,





25-30, 30-35, 35-40, 40-45.......
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Gazwhu66 »

pablo jaye wrote: Thu Feb 03, 2022 7:33 pm The spelling of Irish names is my pet piamh
Superb :clap:
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Monkeybubbles »

No matter how kind you are, German children are kinder.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by lewisham-mer »

A man walks up to a bar and orders 10 vodka shots.

“Wow ten shots, you celebrating?” Asks the barman?

“Yeah” replies the man “my first blow job!”

“Congratulations! But why 10?” Asks the barman.

The man replies “Well, If 10 doesn’t get rid of the taste then nothing will!”
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by daytimedave »

The roof of the Cheese shop down the road has blown off!!
De Brie is everywhere.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Hammer.CA »

I did my first nude painting this morning.
The neighbours weren't happy but the front door looks brilliant now.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Hammer.CA »

I’ve just had a call from the police saying they wanted to interview me.
I can’t even remember applying for a job with them.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by chelmsfordhammer91 »

What has two legs and bleeds.

Half a dog.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Bamber Gascoigne »

Hello Playmates!

What do you call a Music Hall Comedians dog thats got no back legs or tail?

Arthur Husky......



I thank you.
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