The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Moderators: Gnome, last.caress, Wilko1304, Rio, bristolhammerfc, the pink palermo, chalks
Online
- Haarlemammer
- Posts: 973
- Joined: Wed May 27, 2015 3:44 pm
- Location: Singapore
- Has liked: 369 likes
- Total likes: 62 likes
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
It takes 5 minutes to walk from my house to the pub.
It takes 35 minutes to walk from the pub to my house.
The difference is staggering.
It takes 35 minutes to walk from the pub to my house.
The difference is staggering.
- pablo jaye
- Posts: 11223
- Joined: Fri Mar 11, 2005 6:08 pm
- Location: Somewhere massive!
- Has liked: 2563 likes
- Total likes: 924 likes
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
I'm sat opposite Mick Jagger on the train to London and he's just caught me trying to connect to his phone's WiFi hotspot... He said "Hey! You! Get off of my cloud!"
- Monkeybubbles
- Posts: 13800
- Joined: Sun Feb 02, 2014 11:00 am
- Location: Rumble, Brighton, Tonight.
- Has liked: 485 likes
- Total likes: 1953 likes
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
I'm sat opposite Dennis Weaver on the train and Mick Jagger started slapping him about for trying to connect to his phone WiFi hot-spot. I shouted "Hey! You! Get off of McCloud!".
- The Collector
- Posts: 5799
- Joined: Wed Jan 14, 2004 11:59 am
- Location: The Misty Isle
- Has liked: 4 likes
- Total likes: 12 likes
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
I saw this! And, as this was a quiet coach, Jagger whispered back “Hey, you! Stop shouting so loud!”Monkeybubbles wrote: ↑Sun May 22, 2022 8:42 pm I'm sat opposite Dennis Weaver on the train and Mick Jagger started slapping him about for trying to connect to his phone WiFi hot-spot. I shouted "Hey! You! Get off of McCloud!".
- psychoscoredthelot
- Posts: 10245
- Joined: Thu Mar 18, 2010 2:23 pm
- Location: Upminster
- Has liked: 79 likes
- Total likes: 201 likes
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
My wife has suggested we try the liverpool position tonight when we have sex later
I said i hadnt heard of it
She said its when you go on top for ages and come second
I said i hadnt heard of it
She said its when you go on top for ages and come second
- chelmsfordhammer91
- Posts: 2954
- Joined: Sat Nov 07, 2015 4:59 pm
- Location: Broomfield, Chelmsford
- Has liked: 867 likes
- Total likes: 569 likes
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Don’t challenge Death to a pillow fight. Unless you’re prepared for the reaper cushions.
-
- Posts: 846
- Joined: Thu Aug 29, 2013 9:12 pm
- Has liked: 10 likes
- Total likes: 71 likes
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
My grandfather hanged himself on Christmas Day.
Out of respect we didn't take him down until the 6th January.
Out of respect we didn't take him down until the 6th January.
- pablo jaye
- Posts: 11223
- Joined: Fri Mar 11, 2005 6:08 pm
- Location: Somewhere massive!
- Has liked: 2563 likes
- Total likes: 924 likes
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
I tried talking to Mick but he refused to speak to me unless I gave him a bag frozen peas, when I asked why, he said ‘Peas allow me to introduce myself’.The Collector wrote: ↑Mon May 23, 2022 2:46 pm I saw this! And, as this was a quiet coach, Jagger whispered back “Hey, you! Stop shouting so loud!”
- chelmsfordhammer91
- Posts: 2954
- Joined: Sat Nov 07, 2015 4:59 pm
- Location: Broomfield, Chelmsford
- Has liked: 867 likes
- Total likes: 569 likes
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
I ordered Mick Jagger to stop all this nonsense but he just sneered and said, "what a drag it is getting told."pablo jaye wrote: ↑Wed May 25, 2022 8:29 pm I tried talking to Mick but he refused to speak to me unless I gave him a bag frozen peas, when I asked why, he said ‘Peas allow me to introduce myself’.
- WestSamToo
- Posts: 698
- Joined: Sun May 22, 2022 6:43 am
- Has liked: 384 likes
- Total likes: 314 likes
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
I was serving refreshments on that train. Mick Jagger, ordered a coffee. I asked him if he wanted anything with his coffee and he said:
"BROWN SUGAR !!!"
I apologised and said we only had white. He said:
"You can't always get what you want"
- vietnammer
- Bucky the beaver
- Posts: 31656
- Joined: Sun Dec 08, 2002 2:31 am
- Location: Those little golden birdies look at them
- Has liked: 618 likes
- Total likes: 578 likes
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Stayed in the same hotel as Jagger one night. Filthy, hungry vermin-infested place. We had to go to the local bakers for something to eat.
Checked in with him later:
"Mick, have you had anything to eat?"
"Got a roll, me. Talk about grumbling mice!"
Checked in with him later:
"Mick, have you had anything to eat?"
"Got a roll, me. Talk about grumbling mice!"
- pablo jaye
- Posts: 11223
- Joined: Fri Mar 11, 2005 6:08 pm
- Location: Somewhere massive!
- Has liked: 2563 likes
- Total likes: 924 likes
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
My fruit machine has stopped working I rang the manufacturer and the lady who answered asked if I could hold.
I said No, I can’t even nudge
I said No, I can’t even nudge
-
- Posts: 3139
- Joined: Thu Jan 10, 2013 10:37 pm
- Has liked: 2781 likes
- Total likes: 607 likes
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
I have to say that I’m very concerned that I might have monkeypox.
I called my doctor today and told him I wasn’t feeling too good, he told me to swing by his surgery!
I called my doctor today and told him I wasn’t feeling too good, he told me to swing by his surgery!
- The Collector
- Posts: 5799
- Joined: Wed Jan 14, 2004 11:59 am
- Location: The Misty Isle
- Has liked: 4 likes
- Total likes: 12 likes
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Really stresses me out when this happens. In fact it has been known to cause a me a nervous breakdown on numerous occasions. I don’t recall how many times, but it must be in the high teens.WestSamToo wrote: ↑Fri May 27, 2022 11:38 am I was serving refreshments on that train. Mick Jagger, ordered a coffee. I asked him if he wanted anything with his coffee and he said:
"BROWN SUGAR !!!"
I apologised and said we only had white. He said:
"You can't always get what you want"
Online
- OFT
- Posts: 21533
- Joined: Mon Apr 04, 2005 11:59 pm
- Location: Sleepin’ in a bayou on a old rotten cot
- Has liked: 2992 likes
- Total likes: 1757 likes
- ereford ammer
- Posts: 2653
- Joined: Thu Feb 22, 2007 7:21 pm
- Location: At the next level with all the malcontents
- Has liked: 25 likes
- Total likes: 2 likes
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Qualitypsychoscoredthelot wrote: ↑Wed May 25, 2022 5:43 pm My wife has suggested we try the liverpool position tonight when we have sex later
I said i hadnt heard of it
She said its when you go on top for ages and come second
- pablo jaye
- Posts: 11223
- Joined: Fri Mar 11, 2005 6:08 pm
- Location: Somewhere massive!
- Has liked: 2563 likes
- Total likes: 924 likes
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Someone stole all my next door neighbours grass last night.
He’s out there now looking forlorn...
He’s out there now looking forlorn...