The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

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Hammer.CA
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Hammer.CA »

I wonder if the person who came up with the phrase 'jumping on the bandwagon' got annoyed when everyone else started using it?
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by ageing hammer »

Don't forget this month we celebrate the three days when a man is always right.

The 29th , 30th and 31st of February...................
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Hammer.CA »

Why is it spelled CAMOUFLAGE and not
?
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Alan Pardew's Dad »

I got hospitalised after a nasty peek-a-boo accident.

They put me in the ICU.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Dover KUMB fan »

Hammer.CA wrote: Tue Feb 21, 2023 6:24 pm Why is it spelled CAMOUFLAGE and not
?
When I was in the army, the Sergeant pulled me up & screamed "I DIDN'T SEE YOU AT CAMOUFLAGE TRAINING THIS MORNING!!"
I replied, "Thankyou very much sir"
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Hummer_I_mean_Hammer »

Asking for trouble calling a Sergeant 'Sir'...
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old fart
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by old fart »

A man walks into a supermarket and asks for a pound of tomatoes ‘sorry – we don’t have any.’

Peppers? ‘sorry – we don’t have any
Cucumber? ‘sorry – we don’t have any.’
Lettuce? ‘sorry – we don’t have any.’

The assistant says to her boss that man is mad, he says yes he is but what a memory
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by jastons »

old fart wrote: Sat Feb 25, 2023 12:00 pm A man walks into a supermarket and asks for a pound of tomatoes ‘sorry – we don’t have any.’

Peppers? ‘sorry – we don’t have any
Cucumber? ‘sorry – we don’t have any.’
Lettuce? ‘sorry – we don’t have any.’

The assistant says to her boss that man is mad, he says yes he is but what a memory
Sorry, I don't understand this one.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by OFT »

jastons wrote: Sat Feb 25, 2023 7:33 pm Sorry, I don't understand this one.
There's no veg in the shops at the min.

I was happy to believe she saw Elvis coming out of Tescos until she said he had some tomatoes
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by hammer etc »

Kid goes in to a shop and says can I have 1/2 lb of butter, a pint of milk and 1/2 a dozen eggs.
Shop keeper says we have no eggs.
Kid says can I have 1/2 lb of butter a pint of milk and 6 eggs.
Shop keeper says look what is the sound if you take the "b" away from butter.
The kid says utter.
Shop keeper says look what is the sound if you take the "m" away from milk.
The kid says ilk.
Shop keeper says look what is the sound if you take the "f" away from eggs.
The kid says there is no " " in eggs.
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Shabu
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Shabu »

I went for a Madras last night and after I finished the waiter came up and said "Curry OK?"

I replied "OK, one quick song then I have to shoot off"
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Shabu »

I was talking to a Native American bloke today who told me he used to play Russian Roulette with a Bow & Arrow.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Hammer.CA »

I was out shopping in a town in Yorkshire yesterday and I asked someone where was the best place to look for towels?
They told me to go to the woods when it was dark.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Plashet Grove Pete »

Hammer.CA wrote: Tue Feb 28, 2023 5:07 pm I was out shopping in a town in Yorkshire yesterday and I asked someone where was the best place to look for towels?
They told me to go to the woods when it was dark.
Nope ....
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Hammer.CA »

Plashet Grove Pete wrote: Tue Feb 28, 2023 5:09 pm Nope ....
Thoughts and prayers. 🤔
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Whitters »

Plashet Grove Pete wrote: Tue Feb 28, 2023 5:09 pm Nope ....
Image
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Plashet Grove Pete »

Good grief.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Arnold Layne »

7, 3, 6, 8, 5, 1, 4, 2.
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WestSamToo
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by WestSamToo »

Shabu wrote: Sun Feb 26, 2023 12:10 am I went for a Madras last night and after I finished the waiter came up and said "Curry OK?"

I replied "OK, one quick song then I have to shoot off"
I feel this joke needs to mention Birmingham somewhere in it :)
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread

Post by Samba »

Plashet Grove Pete wrote: Tue Feb 28, 2023 6:10 pm Good grief.
:crylol:
I didn't get it either..
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