The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Moderators: Gnome, last.caress, Wilko1304, Rio, bristolhammerfc, the pink palermo, chalks
-
- Posts: 3140
- Joined: Thu Jan 10, 2013 10:37 pm
- Has liked: 2784 likes
- Total likes: 607 likes
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
I wonder if the person who came up with the phrase 'jumping on the bandwagon' got annoyed when everyone else started using it?
- ageing hammer
- Posts: 25445
- Joined: Thu Jan 03, 2008 9:04 am
- Location: Cockney Hammer's stunt double
- Has liked: 484 likes
- Total likes: 1474 likes
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Don't forget this month we celebrate the three days when a man is always right.
The 29th , 30th and 31st of February...................
The 29th , 30th and 31st of February...................
-
- Posts: 3140
- Joined: Thu Jan 10, 2013 10:37 pm
- Has liked: 2784 likes
- Total likes: 607 likes
- Alan Pardew's Dad
- Posts: 2959
- Joined: Wed Jan 14, 2004 8:36 pm
- Location: Bristol
- Has liked: 827 likes
- Total likes: 670 likes
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
I got hospitalised after a nasty peek-a-boo accident.
They put me in the ICU.
They put me in the ICU.
- Dover KUMB fan
- Posts: 3242
- Joined: Fri Nov 27, 2009 8:33 am
- Total likes: 42 likes
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
When I was in the army, the Sergeant pulled me up & screamed "I DIDN'T SEE YOU AT CAMOUFLAGE TRAINING THIS MORNING!!"
I replied, "Thankyou very much sir"
- Hummer_I_mean_Hammer
- Posts: 11576
- Joined: Mon Jan 12, 2009 9:45 pm
- Has liked: 938 likes
- Total likes: 475 likes
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
A man walks into a supermarket and asks for a pound of tomatoes ‘sorry – we don’t have any.’
Peppers? ‘sorry – we don’t have any
Cucumber? ‘sorry – we don’t have any.’
Lettuce? ‘sorry – we don’t have any.’
The assistant says to her boss that man is mad, he says yes he is but what a memory
Peppers? ‘sorry – we don’t have any
Cucumber? ‘sorry – we don’t have any.’
Lettuce? ‘sorry – we don’t have any.’
The assistant says to her boss that man is mad, he says yes he is but what a memory
- jastons
- Posts: 12535
- Joined: Fri May 07, 2004 7:23 am
- Location: Here
- Has liked: 886 likes
- Total likes: 838 likes
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Sorry, I don't understand this one.old fart wrote: ↑Sat Feb 25, 2023 12:00 pm A man walks into a supermarket and asks for a pound of tomatoes ‘sorry – we don’t have any.’
Peppers? ‘sorry – we don’t have any
Cucumber? ‘sorry – we don’t have any.’
Lettuce? ‘sorry – we don’t have any.’
The assistant says to her boss that man is mad, he says yes he is but what a memory
- OFT
- Posts: 21544
- Joined: Mon Apr 04, 2005 11:59 pm
- Location: Sleepin’ in a bayou on a old rotten cot
- Has liked: 2998 likes
- Total likes: 1759 likes
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
There's no veg in the shops at the min.
I was happy to believe she saw Elvis coming out of Tescos until she said he had some tomatoes
- hammer etc
- Posts: 2797
- Joined: Tue Mar 28, 2006 5:37 pm
- Has liked: 5 likes
- Total likes: 106 likes
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Kid goes in to a shop and says can I have 1/2 lb of butter, a pint of milk and 1/2 a dozen eggs.
Shop keeper says we have no eggs.
Kid says can I have 1/2 lb of butter a pint of milk and 6 eggs.
Shop keeper says look what is the sound if you take the "b" away from butter.
The kid says utter.
Shop keeper says look what is the sound if you take the "m" away from milk.
The kid says ilk.
Shop keeper says look what is the sound if you take the "f" away from eggs.
The kid says there is no " " in eggs.
Shop keeper says we have no eggs.
Kid says can I have 1/2 lb of butter a pint of milk and 6 eggs.
Shop keeper says look what is the sound if you take the "b" away from butter.
The kid says utter.
Shop keeper says look what is the sound if you take the "m" away from milk.
The kid says ilk.
Shop keeper says look what is the sound if you take the "f" away from eggs.
The kid says there is no " " in eggs.
- Shabu
- Posts: 11945
- Joined: Thu Jul 23, 2020 6:38 am
- Location: San Diego, CA
- Has liked: 4164 likes
- Total likes: 2020 likes
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
I went for a Madras last night and after I finished the waiter came up and said "Curry OK?"
I replied "OK, one quick song then I have to shoot off"
I replied "OK, one quick song then I have to shoot off"
- Shabu
- Posts: 11945
- Joined: Thu Jul 23, 2020 6:38 am
- Location: San Diego, CA
- Has liked: 4164 likes
- Total likes: 2020 likes
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
I was talking to a Native American bloke today who told me he used to play Russian Roulette with a Bow & Arrow.
-
- Posts: 3140
- Joined: Thu Jan 10, 2013 10:37 pm
- Has liked: 2784 likes
- Total likes: 607 likes
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
I was out shopping in a town in Yorkshire yesterday and I asked someone where was the best place to look for towels?
They told me to go to the woods when it was dark.
They told me to go to the woods when it was dark.
- Plashet Grove Pete
- Posts: 4514
- Joined: Sun Aug 28, 2005 9:32 pm
- Location: I'm riding down Kingsley, figurin' I'll get a drink ....
- Has liked: 261 likes
- Total likes: 459 likes
-
- Posts: 3140
- Joined: Thu Jan 10, 2013 10:37 pm
- Has liked: 2784 likes
- Total likes: 607 likes
- Plashet Grove Pete
- Posts: 4514
- Joined: Sun Aug 28, 2005 9:32 pm
- Location: I'm riding down Kingsley, figurin' I'll get a drink ....
- Has liked: 261 likes
- Total likes: 459 likes
- Arnold Layne
- Posts: 2065
- Joined: Thu Dec 17, 2009 4:12 pm
- Has liked: 47 likes
- Total likes: 143 likes
- WestSamToo
- Posts: 699
- Joined: Sun May 22, 2022 6:43 am
- Has liked: 384 likes
- Total likes: 314 likes
- Samba
- Posts: 21811
- Joined: Mon Apr 03, 2017 3:36 pm
- Location: David Sullivan's least favourite fluffer.
- Has liked: 2482 likes
- Total likes: 894 likes