I've been angsting over this one for two weeks and I've finally got it.
The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Moderators: Gnome, last.caress, Wilko1304, Rio, bristolhammerfc, the pink palermo, chalks
- last.caress
- Star Raid-er
- Posts: 16729
- Joined: Thu Nov 23, 2006 11:38 pm
- Location: Eyes that shine, burnin' red. Dreams of you all through my head.
- Has liked: 1224 likes
- Total likes: 1645 likes
- Contact:
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
- OFT
- Posts: 21543
- Joined: Mon Apr 04, 2005 11:59 pm
- Location: Sleepin’ in a bayou on a old rotten cot
- Has liked: 2995 likes
- Total likes: 1758 likes
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
I've given up on it .last.caress wrote: ↑Thu Jul 07, 2022 6:10 pm I've been angsting over this one for two weeks and I've finally got it.
- pablo jaye
- Posts: 11229
- Joined: Fri Mar 11, 2005 6:08 pm
- Location: Somewhere massive!
- Has liked: 2563 likes
- Total likes: 926 likes
- Shabu
- Posts: 11941
- Joined: Thu Jul 23, 2020 6:38 am
- Location: San Diego, CA
- Has liked: 4166 likes
- Total likes: 2019 likes
- OFT
- Posts: 21543
- Joined: Mon Apr 04, 2005 11:59 pm
- Location: Sleepin’ in a bayou on a old rotten cot
- Has liked: 2995 likes
- Total likes: 1758 likes
- pablo jaye
- Posts: 11229
- Joined: Fri Mar 11, 2005 6:08 pm
- Location: Somewhere massive!
- Has liked: 2563 likes
- Total likes: 926 likes
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Just started reading a book called “Swimming The English Channel” by Francis Near
- OFT
- Posts: 21543
- Joined: Mon Apr 04, 2005 11:59 pm
- Location: Sleepin’ in a bayou on a old rotten cot
- Has liked: 2995 likes
- Total likes: 1758 likes
-
- Posts: 3139
- Joined: Thu Jan 10, 2013 10:37 pm
- Has liked: 2781 likes
- Total likes: 607 likes
-
- Posts: 3139
- Joined: Thu Jan 10, 2013 10:37 pm
- Has liked: 2781 likes
- Total likes: 607 likes
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
A guy who suffered back pain was advised by his doctor to stand for 3 hours a day for two weeks.
Two weeks later the guy visited his doctor who asked him if he had stood for 3 hours every single day as instructed.
The guy said no, he was only able to stand for 2 hours a day.
The doctor said he understood.
Two weeks later the guy visited his doctor who asked him if he had stood for 3 hours every single day as instructed.
The guy said no, he was only able to stand for 2 hours a day.
The doctor said he understood.
- vietnammer
- Bucky the beaver
- Posts: 31673
- Joined: Sun Dec 08, 2002 2:31 am
- Location: Those little golden birdies look at them
- Has liked: 621 likes
- Total likes: 580 likes
- OFT
- Posts: 21543
- Joined: Mon Apr 04, 2005 11:59 pm
- Location: Sleepin’ in a bayou on a old rotten cot
- Has liked: 2995 likes
- Total likes: 1758 likes
- pablo jaye
- Posts: 11229
- Joined: Fri Mar 11, 2005 6:08 pm
- Location: Somewhere massive!
- Has liked: 2563 likes
- Total likes: 926 likes
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
I took a girl out for an exotic meal one night. I had the pelican curry. It was pretty good, but the bill was enormous.
-
- Posts: 3139
- Joined: Thu Jan 10, 2013 10:37 pm
- Has liked: 2781 likes
- Total likes: 607 likes
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Bloke walked into my local pub wearing a black shirt and black shorts and was holding a whistle.
I said to my mate “I think it's about to kick off in here”
I said to my mate “I think it's about to kick off in here”
- Rio
- Ronnie Biggs was here
- Posts: 25987
- Joined: Wed Dec 04, 2002 1:29 pm
- Location: Reykjavik comma Iceland full stop
- Has liked: 159 likes
- Total likes: 1080 likes
- Contact:
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
I executed a mini bus full of female impersonators on the way to the F1 at Silverstone last week. All part of the Drag Reductiom System
-
- Posts: 3139
- Joined: Thu Jan 10, 2013 10:37 pm
- Has liked: 2781 likes
- Total likes: 607 likes
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
A geordie lass went to the hairdresser and asked for a perm.
The hairdresser replied,
“I wandered lernly as a clood”
The hairdresser replied,
“I wandered lernly as a clood”
- Joyeux Marteau
- Posts: 996
- Joined: Thu Aug 10, 2017 10:19 pm
- Location: ‘Nam, Gloucestershire
- Has liked: 83 likes
- Total likes: 72 likes
- ageing hammer
- Posts: 25445
- Joined: Thu Jan 03, 2008 9:04 am
- Location: Cockney Hammer's stunt double
- Has liked: 484 likes
- Total likes: 1474 likes
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
I had a job circumsizing elephants.
The pay was small but the tips were enormous...
The pay was small but the tips were enormous...
- hammer etc
- Posts: 2797
- Joined: Tue Mar 28, 2006 5:37 pm
- Has liked: 5 likes
- Total likes: 106 likes
- ageing hammer
- Posts: 25445
- Joined: Thu Jan 03, 2008 9:04 am
- Location: Cockney Hammer's stunt double
- Has liked: 484 likes
- Total likes: 1474 likes
- Dover KUMB fan
- Posts: 3242
- Joined: Fri Nov 27, 2009 8:33 am
- Total likes: 42 likes
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
A long gag, but stick with it….
A good looking guy goes in for an interview for a job as a TV news broadcaster. The interview went quite well with just one problem, he kept winking at the camera.
The interviewer said, "Although you have a lot of the qualities we're looking for, the fact that you keep winking is a real problem. I'm afraid we won't able to hire you unless you get it under control."
"Oh, that's no problem," said the man. "If I take a couple of aspirin I stop winking for a couple of hours. More than enough time to get the broadcast done."
"Alright, show me," said the interviewer.
So the man reached into his pockets for the aspirin.
First he put his hand in his right pocket, and as he took it out he pulled out loads of condoms of every variety, but no pills. Next he dug into his left pocket, and again pulled out an embarrassing amount of condoms in all shapes and colours before finally finding the packet of aspirin. He then took the aspirin and the second take went without a single hitch.
The interviewer was very impressed and said, "That's amazing and I'd hire you on the spot. However we have very strong Christian Ethics at this station and we're not in the habit of hiring sleep-around types that will jump into bed with anyone at the drop of a hat.”
"Excuse me" exclaimed the man, "I'm a happily married man, and NOT a sleep-around type of guy!"
"Well how do you explain all the condoms, then?" asked the interviewer.
The man sighed and replied, "Have you ever tried going into a pharmacy and asking for a packet of aspirin whilst winking all the time….
A good looking guy goes in for an interview for a job as a TV news broadcaster. The interview went quite well with just one problem, he kept winking at the camera.
The interviewer said, "Although you have a lot of the qualities we're looking for, the fact that you keep winking is a real problem. I'm afraid we won't able to hire you unless you get it under control."
"Oh, that's no problem," said the man. "If I take a couple of aspirin I stop winking for a couple of hours. More than enough time to get the broadcast done."
"Alright, show me," said the interviewer.
So the man reached into his pockets for the aspirin.
First he put his hand in his right pocket, and as he took it out he pulled out loads of condoms of every variety, but no pills. Next he dug into his left pocket, and again pulled out an embarrassing amount of condoms in all shapes and colours before finally finding the packet of aspirin. He then took the aspirin and the second take went without a single hitch.
The interviewer was very impressed and said, "That's amazing and I'd hire you on the spot. However we have very strong Christian Ethics at this station and we're not in the habit of hiring sleep-around types that will jump into bed with anyone at the drop of a hat.”
"Excuse me" exclaimed the man, "I'm a happily married man, and NOT a sleep-around type of guy!"
"Well how do you explain all the condoms, then?" asked the interviewer.
The man sighed and replied, "Have you ever tried going into a pharmacy and asking for a packet of aspirin whilst winking all the time….