The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
A man sees a sign outside a house - 'Talking Dog For Sale.' He rings the bell, the owner appears and tells him the dog can be viewed in the back garden.
The man sees a very nice looking Labrador Retriever sitting there.
"Do you really talk?" he asks the dog.
"Yes," the Labrador replies.
After recovering from the shock of hearing the dog talk, the man asks, "So, tell me your story."
The Labrador looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I was sold to the SAS. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one imagined that a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years".
"But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at Heathrow Airport to do some undercover security work, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded several medals".
"Then I got married, had a few puppies, and now I've just retired."
The man is amazed. He goes back into the house and asks the owner how much he wants for the dog.
"Ten quid," the owner says.
"£10!!? But your dog is absolutely amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheaply?"
"Because he's a lying b*stard, he's never been out of the garden....
The man sees a very nice looking Labrador Retriever sitting there.
"Do you really talk?" he asks the dog.
"Yes," the Labrador replies.
After recovering from the shock of hearing the dog talk, the man asks, "So, tell me your story."
The Labrador looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I was sold to the SAS. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one imagined that a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years".
"But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at Heathrow Airport to do some undercover security work, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded several medals".
"Then I got married, had a few puppies, and now I've just retired."
The man is amazed. He goes back into the house and asks the owner how much he wants for the dog.
"Ten quid," the owner says.
"£10!!? But your dog is absolutely amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheaply?"
"Because he's a lying b*stard, he's never been out of the garden....
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
went in this pub for a pint, ordered a pint of Whitbread, needed to go to the loo when I came out this big black bird let rip in my pint. I said did you just fart in my Whitbread she said no I'm Tessa Sanderson
Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
I too was out for a Ruby with Phil Collins when the waiter came past and spilt a popular side dish all over us. As we sat there trying to clean ourselves up Phil turned to me and said, "It's just another day for you and me in pilau rice."
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Mrs Collins is a curry fan too. Apparently, she's a jalfrezi lover.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Must not start list of top Curry sounding hits.... must resist.... must res.... oh fckk it!
Madonna - Poppadom Preach
Elvis - Return Pasanda
Lionel Richie - Dansak on the Ceiling
Hot Gossip - I lost my heart to a StarShip Bhuna
Little Anthony & The Imperials - Tears on my Pilau
Dire Straits - Brothers in Naans....
Madonna - Poppadom Preach
Elvis - Return Pasanda
Lionel Richie - Dansak on the Ceiling
Hot Gossip - I lost my heart to a StarShip Bhuna
Little Anthony & The Imperials - Tears on my Pilau
Dire Straits - Brothers in Naans....
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
'My wife has been on holiday in Poole'
'In Dorset?'
'Yes she recommends it highly'
'In Dorset?'
'Yes she recommends it highly'
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Culture Club - Korma ChameleonBamber Gascoigne wrote: ↑Sun Aug 07, 2022 9:24 pm Must not start list of top Curry sounding hits.... must resist.... must res.... oh fckk it!
Madonna - Poppadom Preach
Elvis - Return Pasanda
Lionel Richie - Dansak on the Ceiling
Hot Gossip - I lost my heart to a StarShip Bhuna
Little Anthony & The Imperials - Tears on my Pilau
Dire Straits - Brothers in Naans....
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