The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
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- ageing hammer
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Lots of towns have initials that are also abbreviations,
East Grinstead for example.
East Grinstead for example.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Return of the Jedi is not possible without the Receipt of the Jedi.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
I learned 2 things last night,
1. I’m not very good at playing the drums.
2. My neighbour has Tourettes.
1. I’m not very good at playing the drums.
2. My neighbour has Tourettes.
- Whitters
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
I was at a gym class with Mick Jagger the other day, but he got kicked out after accidently exposing his manhood during one particular physical exercise routine
It was a Jumpin' Jack Flash
It was a Jumpin' Jack Flash
- jevs
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Dog owners of BORDER COLLIES are reminded to keep there pets in doors or the confines of their property today (Friday)
This due to it being a Ban Collie Day
This due to it being a Ban Collie Day
- ageing hammer
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- ageing hammer
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
A bloke's boss in work asks him " do you believe in life after death"
The bloke says "certainly not there's no proof of it"
The boss replies " well there is now, 'cos after you left early yesterday to go to your uncles funeral he came in here looking for you"
The bloke says "certainly not there's no proof of it"
The boss replies " well there is now, 'cos after you left early yesterday to go to your uncles funeral he came in here looking for you"
- ageing hammer
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
A worker sees his boss pull up outside his job in a brand new Porsche.
He said to his boss "wow that's a top of the range model it must have cost a small fortune "
His boss replied " yep sure did, you know if you are prepared to put in 150% effort a day working 12 hour days and bring some work home at the weekend in ten years from now I could get one of these for my missus too."
He said to his boss "wow that's a top of the range model it must have cost a small fortune "
His boss replied " yep sure did, you know if you are prepared to put in 150% effort a day working 12 hour days and bring some work home at the weekend in ten years from now I could get one of these for my missus too."
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
I’ve just been to the doctor’s,he said "You have the same disease as the girl in Airplane”
I said "Oh my God - what is it?"
He said "It's a movie starring Leslie Neilsen, but that's not important right now."
I said "Oh my God - what is it?"
He said "It's a movie starring Leslie Neilsen, but that's not important right now."
- ageing hammer
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
While on the balcony the Queen was told Andrew was in bed with Covid 19.
She replied " still young but at least she's legal this time "
She replied " still young but at least she's legal this time "
- ageing hammer
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
A man sat next to me on a bus yesterday and showed me a picture of his wife and said isn't she beautiful.
I said "if you think she is beautiful you should see my wife"
He said " why is she a stunner? "
I replied " No mate she's an optician"
I said "if you think she is beautiful you should see my wife"
He said " why is she a stunner? "
I replied " No mate she's an optician"
- vietnammer
- Bucky the beaver
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
A mute Roman walks into a bar and holds up 3 fingers for 6 beers.
He gets 4
He gets 4
- Monkeybubbles
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
The ever fragrant Mrs Monkeybubbles was in the kitchen this morning, cooking breakfast, when I heard a loud crashing noise. I rushed in and found her lying on the floor, unresponsive and barely breathing. I didn't know what to do and I panicked a bit. Then I remembered that Wetherspoons do an all day breakfast for just £3.99.
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
I went to my local hardware shop this morning and asked for a bottle of methylated spirits and the bloke behind the counter said "No chance, I know what you're like, you'll be straight in the park sat on a bench swigging it down".
I said "No I wont, I’ve just finished decorating and I need to clean my brushes"
He said "Okay fair enough" and gave me a bottle, I said “can you make sure it’s a cold one please”
I said "No I wont, I’ve just finished decorating and I need to clean my brushes"
He said "Okay fair enough" and gave me a bottle, I said “can you make sure it’s a cold one please”
- Plashet Grove Pete
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
OK, this is annoying me now. Can someone please explain?vietnammer wrote: ↑Sat Jun 11, 2022 2:45 pm A mute Roman walks into a bar and holds up 3 fingers for 6 beers.
He gets 4
- sussexhammer74
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
I read it as he held up two fingers on one hand and one finger on the other. Depending on your point of view you would see the following:-
V I = 6
I V = 4
V I = 6
I V = 4
- Plashet Grove Pete
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Thank you Sussex. I think.sussexhammer74 wrote: ↑Wed Jun 15, 2022 4:53 pm I read it as he held up two fingers on one hand and one finger on the other. Depending on your point of view you would see the following:-
V I = 6
I V = 4
- chelmsfordhammer91
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
Someone put laxative in my holy water.
Now I'm starting a religious movement
Now I'm starting a religious movement
- pablo jaye
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Re: The Non Racist Crap Joke Thread
I just saw Adam Ant buying an ice cream.
He asked for a standard vanilla.
He asked for a standard vanilla.