The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by Tenbury »

I'm just an actor on a stage. Perhaps I play several roles dependant upon what I percieve the audience requires. Yet all the time, in truth, I'm the one in the audience, and it seems it's an audience of just one.
Knowing other people can be really difficult, compromising enough to have any sort of meaningful relationship, hardly worthwhile.
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by Samba »

-DL- wrote: Mon Jun 13, 2022 9:43 am Jim,

Have you not ever stopped to think that this spoiling thing may well be coming over to them as being a bit heavy? Maybe you're giving the impression of moving to fast? Women are a different breed to what they used to be, they don't want to be spoilt and smothered, especially when it's only a month in.

Honestly, I mean this as a genuine bit of advise for 21st century dating - maybe back off a bit - let it run it's course without the spoiling and putting them first. We can sometimes set ourselves up for a fall when we pay too much attention, try too hard. Build up to the spoiling and the chivalry once you know it's going somewhere proper. I don't mean treat them mean to keep them keen - just hit the brakes a bit at the start and don't let it run away with you until they feel pressurised and back out.
Think that's very good advice, DL. :newthumb:
Basically, someone trying to be too nice or 'perfect' can itself, be off-putting.
Also, might kind of explain this supposed 'thing' about some women 'always choosing bad boys'.
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by Samba »

fjthegrey wrote: Mon Jun 13, 2022 11:10 am Does anyone else feel alone? Not lonely or even unhappy but simply alone?

I increasingly feel like there's just me. I have a fantastic relationship with my wife, a beautiful baby son, family all around me, many friends, but I just feel increasingly like there's only me. A sort of solipsistic existence. Increasingly isolated mentally without really exhibiting any obvious change in behaviour.

I can possibly put it down to my job, where I spend most of my time on my own, listening to podcasts etc. That must be doing something to my brain, creating the illusion of socialising without actually doing any.

Not sure it's healthy to feel this way anyway, like the next stage is actual loneliness.
How do you feel about this feeling alone, fj?
Are you happy, neutral or unhappy feeling like that?
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by Harlow Hammer »

FJ,

I know just how you feel.

I have a small number of friends that I don’t see on a regular basis as I did.

I have a wife and 2 kids, job which pays decent money

However, I feel alone all the time. I’m ok doing my stuff on my own but sometimes when I’m alone in the front room I often ask myself is this it, is this what I’ve got to look forward to. Am I happy at work nope, am I happy at home nope.

Work used to be the sanctuary away from home, where I enjoyed it, worked with great people. Now both places I hate to be.

Sometimes it’s hard to explain how you can feel alone with what you have but it is real.

Over the last few months I’ve tried to do things, invite the kids and wife but if they don’t want to go I go by myself. Finding things you have an interest in and enjoy for that little bit of escapism really helps.

You’ll never be alone on here, a good place to vent, have a bit of banter or get suggestion or answers (good and bad) to things you want to no
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by Cockneyboy311 »

fjthegrey wrote: Mon Jun 13, 2022 2:07 pm See, this isn't me at all. I'm not an introvert really. I can be quite loud, have no social anxiety whatsoever, happy to engage with anyone. It just all feels different to how it used to.

I really do just feel like I'm on my own. Maybe it's just a stage of life thing.
I’m certainly not an extrovert, but I wouldn’t say I’m particularly introverted either. I don’t really have social anxiety. It’s an odd one. I’m as happy to socialise and I am to watch TV by myself. I don’t feel like I need that interaction as much as others do perhaps. As I said maybe I give off those ‘lone wolf’ vibes and I don’t realise.
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by btajim - mcfc »

I’m single at 42 and often have to do things alone because there’s nobody around to see. There’s always friendly faces in the pub but just going for a drink all the time gets boring.

I fly to Malaga for three nights solo next month. I’ve had reactions of horror through to ridicule but I actually really enjoy it. Pete in the pub asked when I was next on holiday and I told him. First question “Who are you going with?”
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by wolf359 »

I’m very similar to Jim. I’m 44 have no friends in the world at all. I’m generally ok with that (very much so at the moment) . I don’t socialise and can go days without talking to anyone. I’ve not spoke a word since dropping my daughter off yesterday morning and won’t until she gets home today.

That aside I’ve worked in education of over 20 years and spend all day talking, being sociable. So I’m a bit of a mystery. I can form bonds with colleges and students but have never been able to outside of that (but often don’t want to).

It sort of amazes me in hindsight that I managed to have a over ten year relationship, get married (briefly) and produce a child.

As for holidaying alone, I’ve thought about it but have not plucked up the courage to do so. Maybe later this year I’ll take the plunge (now that I can book leave outside school holidays opens up opportunity’s)

I think some of us are just predisposed to not seeking the company if others as much as others.
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by btajim - mcfc »

I bet you’ve got more friends than you realise. A few of us were having a drink in The Denmark before West Ham Away and three different people approached me say hello. One of my City mates was “Do you know everyone?!” I genuinely didn’t feel like I did.

I haven’t got a single person to do organised stuff with like the cinema, food etc. Everyone just goes to the pub. I tried for a Tranmere Rovers match with a friend who supports them and he randomly dropped out. Ditto two of them for Blackpool. I didn’t bother after that.

Me and the young lady were going to go to South Wales for the weekend. Had her mum not fallen ill (she’s had a stroke) then it would’ve happened.
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by wolf359 »

btajim - mcfc wrote: Tue Jun 14, 2022 12:17 pm I bet you’ve got more friends than you realise.
I promise you I haven’t. There is not a single non-family member in my contacts list. I’m just not wired for friends, never have been. I left a job if 13 years last Sept and have not contacted any of the people I worked with for all that time , I’m just not good at keeping in contact with people, I don’t feel the need to. I don’t think I’m very good company either, none of them ever contact me (Id imagine I don’t give off ‘contact me’ vides either) .Bothers me at times but not at the moment.
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by fjthegrey »

Samba wrote: Mon Jun 13, 2022 11:57 pm How do you feel about this feeling alone, fj?
Are you happy, neutral or unhappy feeling like that?
I feel neutral currently but my concern is that it could easily drift into an unhappy place, perhaps without me noticing.

I doubt there's much that can be done about it anyway. It's only natural that the people in your orbit begin to thin out when your priorities become less diffuse.
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by mushy »

Cockneyboy311 wrote: Tue Jun 14, 2022 10:31 am I’m certainly not an extrovert, but I wouldn’t say I’m particularly introverted either. I don’t really have social anxiety. It’s an odd one. I’m as happy to socialise and I am to watch TV by myself. I don’t feel like I need that interaction as much as others do perhaps. As I said maybe I give off those ‘lone wolf’ vibes and I don’t realise.
Introverted extrovert maybe?
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by Samba »

I think I've felt alone for most of my life. Not all of the time but those times that I didn't, now seem that they were accidental rather than me actively doing something to not be.
Had group therapy for depression once & 'enjoyed' it/felt supported. Just been turned down for having more & ironically that's made me feel very depressed & alone. The guy reckoned that 'because I've had it before & it wasn't a cure, there's no point in me having any more'.
Nothing I said, made him change his mind. Tbh, I think he's a useless c*nt who didn't hear what I was saying & already had his own preconceived ideas.
I don't think anyone that I met in that group, felt that it was 'a cure', either.
Just feel really let down now.
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by -DL- »

Not posted on here for a while, 'cept to give advice if I can.

I'm not in a good place. I've had enough. Had enough of life. Had enough of everything to be honest. No, that doesn't mean I'm thinking silly things, far from it - but everything is just so pants right now, isn't it? Cost of living, wars, unable to go to work (again) as my hernia has now proper given way - from being a tear 4" long to now being double that - I'm just getting ****ed off with everything.

I'm at a point at home where I don't feel like I belong there, that I'm just a spare part - yet I'm not in a position where I can do anything about it either way until I'm sorted medically again, which is scheduled for August, and earning again. It just feels like I'm hanging in limbo until the new year, when hopefully this hernia has been repaired, my recovery is done, I'm back full time and have some money behind me to live again. Almost 4 years since this **** started, and it's still going - and yet I've seen people on my cancer groups whose time line from diagnosis is similar to mine and their lives have been back to normal for quite some time because they've not had the setbacks I've had.

I have to be careful to not come over woe is me, because that isn't the case or what I'm feeling - I'm just fed up with it all, health, life, everything - but it's very difficult to speak to people, because the same line gets trotted out time and time again - 'at least you're alive'. Yeah, thanks for that - like because I'm alive and other people with cancer have died, it's like that line is the fix-all and I should be happy with my lot, regardless of how difficult the set-backs have been, the checking my bank balance and ****ting a brick as to whether I have enough in their to cover the bills for the next month, the waking up multiple times during the night as it feels like my intestines are trying to bust through my belly (well, fact of that matter is, they are, but anyway) and trying to wear clothes that no longer fit because my gut looks like I'm 8 months pregnant. Word of advice boys and girls - don't say that to a cancer survivor, as I've not spoken to one yet that actually appreciates it, no matter how good the intentions are. You wouldn't say to an amputee 'at least you've got another leg' to try and make their day a bit better, yet it seems it's acceptable to say to a cancer survivor 'at least you're alive'. It's not.

I can't even remember what the point of me making this post was, but nonetheless, I've got a least a small part of it off my chest, and that's supposed to help, right?
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by last.caress »

-DL- wrote: Wed Jun 15, 2022 8:43 am Not posted on here for a while, 'cept to give advice if I can.

...
You have a PM. You needn't answer it, just read it and file it away for when and if. xxx
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Post by OFT »

Really interesting stuff these last couple of pages, I'll do my best not to balls it up.

I know lots of people and have a good few who I call 'mates' but in truth only see one lad almost on a daily basis,he has long standing issues with depression and we sort of keep an eye on each other. Even he and I don't go out to the pub together or anything like that, socialising is a thing of dread to me, even with family. Her OFTness is the complete opposite and somehow we manage to navigate life without too much distress. She never puts pressure on to go out and I sometimes surprise her and go anyway. She recently went away with her sister for a few days, did I miss her? cripes Yes, was I comfortable on my own? yep I was.
Am I lonely? dunno. Am I happy? I think so.

As I said, good stuff on here as per.
Take care all :blowkiss:
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by Cockneyboy311 »

mushy wrote: Tue Jun 14, 2022 5:39 pm Introverted extrovert maybe?
Ha, maybe.
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by Mega Ron »

Samba wrote: Tue Jun 14, 2022 11:41 pm I think I've felt alone for most of my life. Not all of the time but those times that I didn't, now seem that they were accidental rather than me actively doing something to not be.
Had group therapy for depression once & 'enjoyed' it/felt supported. Just been turned down for having more & ironically that's made me feel very depressed & alone. The guy reckoned that 'because I've had it before & it wasn't a cure, there's no point in me having any more'.
Nothing I said, made him change his mind. Tbh, I think he's a useless c*nt who didn't hear what I was saying & already had his own preconceived ideas.
I don't think anyone that I met in that group, felt that it was 'a cure', either.
Just feel really let down now.
That's really crap mate. Did you get a referral from the Dr?
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Post by Mega Ron »

Right.

So I did see a Dr who prescribed me 20mg Citolapram. I'm 3 days in now and don't really like the feeling of being a tad spaced. I also have zero appetite and my mouth is insanely dry.

Does that change?
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by Samba »

Mega Ron wrote: Wed Jun 15, 2022 1:25 pm That's really crap mate. Did you get a referral from the Dr?
From my psychiatrist. You can also self refer.
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by wolf359 »

Mega Ron wrote: Wed Jun 15, 2022 5:08 pm Right.

So I did see a Dr who prescribed me 20mg Citolapram. I'm 3 days in now and don't really like the feeling of being a tad spaced. I also have zero appetite and my mouth is insanely dry.

Does that change?
It does, have been on 20mg a few times and the spaced died off for me. I slept like a baby when taking it but it did increase my appetite and I put on a **** load of weight (especially the first time) . Thinking about it I did have a dry mount and as said below sugar free gum was a must for me. But we are all different. However it has only really worked for me since giving up the booze totally (there are others online that feel the same.) I do remember the doc saying you can drink but it will probably affect you quicker on the pills.

Good luck with it, give it time, I didn't and stupidly stopped them after 6-8 weeks (I generally felt they were not doing anything) the first 3 times of taking them, stuck with it this time and are actually coming off them shortly since I am a lot 'better'
Last edited by wolf359 on Wed Jun 15, 2022 5:34 pm, edited 4 times in total.
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