The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

[The Old Man of Storr]

Did it go well TOMOS? Hope it was enjoyable.

I’ve had a walk today that has again annoyed my knee. I get so confused with whether I should get moving or not, but woke up this morning ok so think I just need to ride these things out and get plenty of rest after.

Was lovely actually - left Inverness at 11.30 am got back here at just gone 6 pm -

I thought it'd be a trail leading up to an osprey's nest but it wasn't that straightforward - it was a trail leading to an RSPB hub with cameras and binoculars pointed at the osprey nest - there was a female osprey sitting on the nest , no eggs had been laid and Dad was out hunting for fish - I asked whether they got the fish from Loch Garten or the Spey - apparently the loch can be a bit reddish / murky and has pike in there so not only is it difficult for the birds to see the fish but the pike have probably eaten all the good stuff so the hunting ground is the River Spey which as the Osprey flies wasn't that far away -

There were 2 walks , one to Loch Garten the other to some other loch I've forgotten the name of - we walked to both .

Was a lovely sunny day , some folk were swimming in the loch - as we went to sit down I saw this bird come flying straight at us then landed around 3 foot away from my feet in the water - it was this lovely little duck ! Unfortunately we hadn't brought anything for it so Dan went back to the car to fetch some left over sandwiches - by the time he got back the duck had given up on us and flew off to find grub elsewhere .

There were wild orchids and bog cotton growing around the loch and had it been September I'd have been munching on blueberries as it was full of blueberry bushes .

[Paolopaul]

Was lovely actually - left Inverness at 11.30 am got back here at just gone 6 pm -

I thought it'd be a trail leading up to an osprey's nest but it wasn't that straightforward - it was a trail leading to an RSPB hub with cameras and binoculars pointed at the osprey nest - there was a female osprey sitting on the nest , no eggs had been laid and Dad was out hunting for fish - I asked whether they got the fish from Loch Garten or the Spey - apparently the loch can be a bit reddish / murky and has pike in there so not only is it difficult for the birds to see the fish but the pike have probably eaten all the good stuff so the hunting ground is the River Spey which as the Osprey flies wasn't that far away -

There were 2 walks , one to Loch Garten the other to some other loch I've forgotten the name of - we walked to both .

Was a lovely sunny day , some folk were swimming in the loch - as we went to sit down I saw this bird come flying straight at us then landed around 3 foot away from my feet in the water - it was this lovely little duck ! Unfortunately we hadn't brought anything for it so Dan went back to the car to fetch some left over sandwiches - by the time he got back the duck had given up on us and flew off to find grub elsewhere .

There were wild orchids and bog cotton growing around the loch and had it been September I'd have been munching on blueberries as it was full of blueberry bushes .

Sounds great, just picturing it is quite relaxing!

[The Old Man of Storr]

Sounds great, just picturing it is quite relaxing!

There weren't that many people there as it's not the School Holidays - a few older folk , couple of American ladies and some younger back packers who'd gone for a swim - good atmosphere - I was talking to a young lad who'd come up from Surrey and got a job as a Ranger - I asked him what he did , whether he took tours etc - no , apparently not , his job was to check that no one was lighting fires , check on the birds and chat to people . I asked him if he was a Volunteer or got paid - ' I get paid but it's seasonal ' - well , I couldn't think of a better job on a day like today .

[pablo jaye]

I lost my Grandad when I was 21, ….

Cherish those memories, mate.

Sorry to hear your story S-H, some things don’t get easier even after a number of years but sounds like you have some great memories too, and as you say, they need to be cherished.

I do consider myself immensely fortunate and blessed to have been able to share some really good times with Grandad and to some extent I think as you get older, you become more aware of mortality.

When I was 21, I was a student in Leeds and Grandad and Grandma lived in Chesterfield- an hour’s train ride away. I did go and visit them but there were a fair few times when I didn’t go because there was a party on or I was recovering from a session of being on the sauce. I was lucky to get other opportunities.

You’ve just got to cherish the time you have with people you love. My uncle (grandad’s son) has been over from Colombia for the last 5 weeks and so has seen a lot of his dad in his final days. He’s been staying with us, and it has been absolutely fantastic - he supports West Ham for a start, and we get on really well, like having one of your mates to stay. I know that I’ll look back on this time with him with great fondness, even with the reasons for him being here.

Apologies for editing your post too.

[The Old Man of Storr]

A Walk In The Woods Today - Loch Garten

Dan - Jen - Me

[YorksHammer]

Sorry for your loss Pablo. Your granddad sounds like a great guy.

[-DL-]

Yet again, struggling a bit of late - starting to have issues with my stoma where my body shape is changing - I get the bag on comfortably, but then when I get in a car or sit elsewhere, the bag moves and squashes it, and it's pretty painful. I'm also having issues with sleeping due to my night bag inexplicably starting to get really full of a night time, despite my efforts to not drink as much fluids after 6PM - so the weight of the bag is putting tension on the hose, which is pulling my main bag on my body and disturbing me. I just want to have a decent sleep.

Added to the lack of sleep and general grumpiness, my current employer is dragging their heals on the medical severance, and haven't even arranged my occupational health report yet, despite the meeting being 4 weeks ago when it was mutually decided that medical severance was the road we were going to go down- and until they do that, I cannot start the job in Scotland unless I resign from my current employer - but then if I do that, not only will I lose a couple of grand in doing so, I will also have to pay back my annual leave that I have already taken.

To give the job in Scotland their dues, they're willing to wait until 18th of June, but I suspect that even with all the will in the world, it's not going to be sorted by then.

I can ill afford to lose such an amount of money, so I am just going to have to sit it out and wait and hope for the best - but also in the meantime, until they do get rid of me, I cannot take any other job full stop unless I'm prepared to lose a large chunk of money.

It just seems like one thing after another, and although I've got this far with my tenacity and determination, it bugs me that silly little things that are out of my control are still stopping me from moving forwards, silly little things that are/were easily preventable if people at my current employer actually pulled their fingers out and did THEIR jobs.

Whilst I appreciate that the people at my current employer do have a busy workload, not having even so much as an appointment 4 weeks on is in my book, totally unacceptable, as it's messing about with my life.

I'm getting so fed up with thinking that I am moving forward only for things beyond my control to prevent me in doing so.

[btajim - mcfc]

I wasn’t aware you were moving up to Scotland, DL? Whey’s the new job up there? Big change.

[-DL-]

I wasn’t aware you were moving up to Scotland, DL? Whey’s the new job up there? Big change.

It's a temporary contract driving tourists around Isle of Mull - but it's looking like I may miss out on it, as per above.

[btajim - mcfc]

It's a temporary contract driving tourists around Isle of Mull - but it's looking like I may miss out on it, as per above.

Fingers crossed you don’t.

[Tenbury]

Just spent a week on a cardiac ward. Quite a chastening experience. Everyone minimum 20 yrs older than me, and, seemingly all with dementia. One thing the condition does is build up body fluid, they measure in, and out. I lost nearly 7 litres in 4 days (no wonder I was feeling lousy). It's good to be home, but I'm struggling to be positive.

[mushy]

Just spent a week on a cardiac ward. Quite a chastening experience. Everyone minimum 20 yrs older than me, and, seemingly all with dementia. One thing the condition does is build up body fluid, they measure in, and out. I lost nearly 7 litres in 4 days (no wonder I was feeling lousy). It's good to be home, but I'm struggling to be positive.

Good luck Tenners, keep fighting mate.

[ageing hammer]

Good luck Tenners, met an old next door neighbour recently and her husband has very similar to you, she mentioned about the body fluids too.

Keep fighting mate

[Samba]

Just spent a week on a cardiac ward. Quite a chastening experience. Everyone minimum 20 yrs older than me, and, seemingly all with dementia. One thing the condition does is build up body fluid, they measure in, and out. I lost nearly 7 litres in 4 days (no wonder I was feeling lousy). It's good to be home, but I'm struggling to be positive.

Can understand that, Tenners.
Look forward to our Final, if you can mate.

[btajim - mcfc]

When I was in hospital, I too was twenty years minimum younger than everyone else. I’m optimistic to get my ileostomy reversed later this year. Such a health scare has frightened me in to sorting myself out.

Just taking it easy in life has done wonders for me mentally and physically. I’ve not had a drink since Friday and have little on today except for FIFA, one episode of a box set and the League One Play Off Final.

I’ve also been dispensing as much advice as I’ve received. One of my best friends from Manchester called me late last night to ask about a date he’s going on… Quite why I’m the expert is beyond me.

[The Old Man of Storr]

Just spent a week on a cardiac ward. Quite a chastening experience. Everyone minimum 20 yrs older than me, and, seemingly all with dementia. One thing the condition does is build up body fluid, they measure in, and out. I lost nearly 7 litres in 4 days (no wonder I was feeling lousy). It's good to be home, but I'm struggling to be positive.

Fully understand why you'd be struggling for positivity , Jerry , you're facing a very tough time , my friend .

Jen discovered some app or other which identifies birdsong - it's called Merlin -

Instead of watching the football yesterday I took myself down to the garden and sat myself down with Jen's phone [ I don't own one ] -

There wasn't much going on , I'm guessing it was the time of day but it identified 5-6 different birds - Eurasian Collared Doves [ they actually live in our garden ] - Goldfinch , Goldcrest , Willow Warbler , House Sparrow and an Eurasian Wren [ never knew there was an Eurasian variety ] - when any particular bird sang its name flashed yellow and you can re-play the birdsong - I found the whole thing joyous and fascinating .

I realise this sounds a bit pathetic considering what you're having to face , mate - but whatever brings you joy then seek it .

Could a mate come round for a chat - anything to take your mind off things ?

Much love ,


Peter .

[The Old Man of Storr]

Since I was told I stood a 50% chance of a cure for my prostate cancer and maybe given another 15 years even without a cure should I go down the treatment route I've put the whole thing to the back of my mind - on Tuesday we had to clean the flat then I had enough energy to cut the grass before the next set of guests arrived .

Yesterday I felt as if I had no fuel left in the tank , couldn't do anything hardly and when Jen went off to fetch my prescriptions at 4 pm I told her I was too tired to go - then at 4.15 pm the phone rang - ' Hi , it's Lynn from Oncology , Raigmore ' - that word ' Oncology ' was enough to set my heart racing - ' Would it be ok for Dr Z to phone you up tomorrow at 3 pm to discuss your treatment ? ' .

I mean , I knew it was coming but I thought they'd be in touch nearer the time [ November/December ] so my imagination goes into overdrive and the anxiety returns with a bang - how the likes of DL and others who face serious cancer cope I'll never know .

Anyway , off for my first injection of whatever they're giving me now - 11 am at Broadford Surgery .


Look after yourselves , Guys xx

[-DL-]

Mate, all cancers are serious. One doesn't trump over another. Left untreated, with all cancers, you will die, so let's not beat about the bush here. The only difference between any of them, is the luck of the draw as to how early you find it - so do not think one person is worse of than the other.

I totally didn't accept or realise the seriousness of my skin cancer. When I was told, as I have said before, I laughed - but because the treatments for it were nothing like as severe for the bladder cancer, I kind of dismissed it - and yet I got a telling off from my CNS, saying I shouldn't really make light of it as just a few pints of a mm deeper, then I would have been bang in trouble.

I would imagine that if I hadn't had the bladder cancer, then I may have viewed it very differently. Also, by the same token, we ALL deal with cancer differently - there is no right or wrong way to go about it - but one thing I think all cancer patients will agree on, is that it is a head f***. One day you're up, feeling all positive, the next you're feeling like you're in a pit of despair - and that's perfectly normal and acceptable. It's the not knowing, the slightest little thing that's non-related, say in my case a bit or back pain, and the brain goes in to overdrive and you think the worst.

The acceptance is the hardest part - the acceptance that life will never be the same again, that you now have to find a new normal, try and put aside fears when you get a random pain inside, and that the side effects of treatment will have an effect on you - gain, in my case, a body that's changed, a reminder every time I have to empty my bag, or something as innocuous as a touch of lymphedema in my arm that gets on my nerves every now and again.

You do eventually get used to the changes, the memories of going to and from chemo or radio, the feeling of it totally dominating your life - but the truth is - cancer does dominate your life, and your nearest and dearest lives.

It's ****, and I ain't going to sit here and dress it up - but nor am I trying to put the fear of God in to you. I'm trying to prepare you that from point of diagnosis, point of referral even, life will never be the same again - but time and adjustments will allow you to find a new normal, and that time will eventually come and you'll feel at peace and at ease again - but it will always be there in the back of your mind, and if you get your head around that, you're more than half way to winning.

[ageing hammer]

Amazing post ( insight ) DL

[Tenbury]

I'm terminal.
Bloody fortunate it's my heart, as any pain is likely to be shortlived. Downside, it' ll happen(probably) very quickly, so the time to make your peace/tell to f**k off, is now... but then perhaps it is anyway.
I take much comfort from what DL has said.
I think, above all, I'm becoming very conscious of the immediacy of everything. Nothing else really matters.