Anything goes in The Snug, General Discussion's rebellious little brother. An off-topic den of iniquity where any subject not covered elsewhere may be discussed. Well, anything except golf, Star Wars and Arsenal.
-DL- wrote: ↑Fri Dec 03, 2021 3:01 pm
Now it's December. The shops and the airwaves are full of Christmassy stuff - but it does well to remember that Christmas for some people is a time of year they dread - and what with it's commercialisation, and unable to escape it, a lot of people will be struggling.
Me, I hate Christmas. I put on a smiling face for the kids and for the family, but for myself, all it does is bring back memories of a pissed up father ripping the decorations down, trashing the tree, starting on my mum, sister and myself, and opening presents on Christmas morning that were a load of old **** that quite literally cost my parents nothing as my old man blagged them when he was on the lorries, and the lies and deceit of where they came from, whilst having to be false and be overjoyed with a Stoke City holdall he had got from one of his drops, along with other useless rubbish, then avoiding my friends when I go back to school and everyone is talking about the latest en vogue stuff they got, and telling porkies myself about the things that I got.
If we could take a tablet that was guaranteed to erase our shitty memories would we take one I wonder ?
Our memories are part of who we are [ whether bad or good ] and despite all those setbacks you were forced to endure as a kid you have grown into the man you are today . You're alright in my book , mate .
After a few half decent months, I've had a bit of a rubbish couple of weeks and it's testing my "all these things are small blips, nothing much to worry about" thought processes that have kept me going well over the summer. Just lots of little things and I'm sure it'll be fine in a couple of weeks but I reckon writing it down will help.
I've just completed on the sale of my consultancy business that I owned 40% of. Mixed emotions really. My business partner owns 60% (more experience brings more to the table at the moment etc). We also had another guy that we used to work with. He was going to buy in eventually but he accepted another job in September. Part of what led him to accept that job was that the actions of my business partner, the other guy and I both left our old jobs in Autumn 2019. We were doing the business full time, it was our income. My business partner, stayed on at our old firm as he was on longer notice and there was a job that the old firm were rejecting that we would have taken over. He was going to join us in February. We sat down and shook on it in the Autumn.
February comes and goes, summer 2020 comes and goes and my business partner stays on at the old company while working with us as he hasn't got much to do and keeps saying that by staying there he'll receive more opportunities for us that the old company wil reject. At the time we both say this is ridiculous, you need to crack on and leave. I was less vociferous, I'd just had my 2nd kid so work had to take a back seat for a while. We're resentful that he's coining in an income from the old firm whole stockpiling a whole load of savings cash from the work we're doing in the company, Like low 100ks worth!
Come September, the other guy accepts a job elsewhere basically saying that he couldn't put up with my BP any more and doesn't trust him. Can't say I blame him. I would've gone sooner had I not had more skin in the game. Business Partner's wife leaves him around this time and he's in bits, cannot function. We both say we want rid of the company now. Receive an offer for it from a competitior and the price in contingent on us both working there. I receive an offer from another firm just for employment (I'd rather take it) but in doing so I'd properly screw my BP over and do myself out of a big sum.
I just feel like basically, despite doing OK out of this I've essentially had the pee wee taken out of me and I must be a walkover. I've done virtually everything for the sale. He's no good at admin etc and I've dealt with all the sale process with lawyers, accountants and all the contract elements. Stuff that freaks me out a bit. I could've afforded to walk away from the cash (I'd have regretted it a bit I'm very sure!) but I couldn't screw him over despite the fact he's effectively made hay off our hard work for 3 years. When we finally get to the new place in January I intend to distance myself and pursue my own career. Restrictive covenants aren't too bad so I hope I can work out something else to do in a year or two.
On top of all that, my Mrs has a new job which is taking up all the time God sends. Her boss resigned and she took over as co-head of her part of the business with a colleague who she knows well but has many habits that make her ineffective. On top of this I have a 3yr old that just been sent home because she coughed a bit at nursery and between us over the next few days we're going to have to wait for her COVID test while both of us are slammed with work stuff. If she's positive, I'll be at home with her for 10 days and trying to sort out all this post sale clear up remotely. My 16 month old is also going through some separation anxiety phase and is attached to her Mum like a limpet half the time.
It all seems pretty small but I feel absolutely shattered and the small bits of crappy news just keep coming. Feel better for having written it down though!
I had one Christmas on my own and it wasn’t great.
It was the year George Michael died and for some weird reason (Wham were massive when I was a little kid in the mid 80s) that made it even worse.
The pride factor of knowing I was a failure for being in the position where I was on my own on 25/12 was a bit of a wake up call for me to sort my life out.
Dave, hope things go OK - as you say, writing things out do help a bit.
DL, great post too. I also find Christmas increasingly stressful and a time of year that I like less and less as I get older. It’s largely the gluttony and greed, and pressure to buy stuff when there are many in the world that go without. This year, we’ve decided to cut down by a significant amount and put more focus on seeing friends and family …. already, that decision seems to have made things more palatable.
Hi all wondered if I could join the party again.
Feel a bit selfish only popping up when things are bad .So apologies.
I'm sure some of you are familiar with my story basically i broke up with my ex when my daughters were mid teens. Their not talking to me, no cards etc and texts go unanswered. I met them in mid Sept and told them I love them and that I'm always here for them. I miss them terribly.
I've been seeing a married woman for the last 2 years who's kind to me and supportive but not at time's like xmas which i face alone. She'll be playing happy families with hubby and her lads. My parents are off to my brothers xmas day boxing day so they won't be about. .To compound things a mate and customer took his life over the weekend bringing back memories of another friend who did something similar a few years ago this reduced me to tears.. The positives are I live in a nice part of the world, I'm fit and healthy solvent and will have other mates down after xmas.I'm, also running a big charity event for a bereaved kids charity this Friday. However people don't know how low I am they just see me as the fun bouncy organiser. But I'm struggling to get through xmas eve xmas day, boxing day when everybody is supposed to be having this wonderful time.'m not even motivated to put up decorations tree etc.
Thanks for listening and good luck to people who've got real problems on here.
what's your idea Mushy I'm intrigued ?
Rigs, I've had a couple of Christmases on my own - maybe even more than that if I could be arsed to think about it. Well, when I say on my own, I've not ended up on my own. I've been fortunate enough to have just gone with the flow, and whilst I may not have had the Christmas dinner and stuff, I've always ended up somewhere doing something.
The caveat of course being, is that this was when I lived in Essex, and had people around me - and I'm not so sure that would happen should I ever find myself in the same situation in Kent, as I've never really developed friendships over this way. I mention that, because if memory serves me correctly, you're not a local to where you're living now, are you? You're from elsewhere? Though it does seem to me that you have got your face about and developed relationships and acquaintances - so you may not end up alone after all.
I was the same as you - I never had decorations or trees up - I couldn't see the point in it.
Hopefully something random comes up for you, and you end up with a bit of company those few days. For me, the last time I was on my own, I went down to my local that was open on Christmas Day and ended up being invited back to someone's house for afters. Didn't really know the people that well, but it was people I'd seen before in the pub, and spoken with. It turned out alright in the end.
I agree with DL, there's always apub open Christmas Day/Boxing Day.
Perversely I find Christmas awkward because everyone wants to know you! and they won't leave you alone!
It's only a couple of days, a couple of bottles of Talisker, and it's gone. They'll be a match on near you on the 26th, or go shopping or something.
dave_l wrote: ↑Mon Dec 06, 2021 3:17 pm
After a few half decent months, I've had a bit of a rubbish couple of weeks
Dave, I’m sure that writing this down helped in a small way mate?
Congratulations on the sale - I know how hard this can be and whilst your BP seems like a bit of an arse, you can only control what you can control.
At the end of the day, you’ve delivered to the best version you can achieve and that’s all you can do - well done mate.
And I feel you being at home waiting for tests (same!). The reality of course is that as dads to young kids, this is part of the game isn’t it!?
It seems very much like you’re being the best version of you and that’s all you can ask of yourself mate. It’s bloody hard and certainly easier to write, but sit down and acknowledge what you can directly take responsibility for. Anything not on that list and you’re going to have to let it flow past you.
Have a great Christmas with your family mate - you deserve it!
First of all my heart goes out to you Harlow
Have you got friends touch next talk to.
Exercise also helps esp being close to nature and try to lay off booze a bit it gives you the massive lows.
Good luck with things.
THanks for all the kind responses especially you do Dl and tomos.
Harlow Hammer wrote: ↑Tue Dec 07, 2021 8:31 pm
Nothing outside of work or home to help me escape
Hello mate. I'm sorry to read that you're feeling up **** creek without a paddle.
I think one thing to me that is clear is that you love you. You might not think so right now, but think about it - if you didn't, you wouldn't be concerned about yourself and you wouldn't visit this forum to share your thoughts to reach out for help. The first step I've found is to acknowledge that you do matter and know that (most of the time) you're in the best position to influence your position.
I don't know you mate so can't pretend what's going to float your boat but I've quoted this part above. Think hard about what you want to do and go and do it. Anything getting in the way of something you want to do (for your own mental wellbeing) is frankly not worth worrying about. You can take responsibility for yourself, no matter how hard it seems right now.
As you've said you don't know who to speak to, there's a ton of counsellors local you can find online that can help. If you're not comfortable with that (which is cool), then swallow any pride that you might have, maybe pick up the phone and call the Samaritans on 116 123.
Failing that, a very unqualified dickhead like me would happily meet you for a coffee so you can let it all out.
The Old Man of Storr wrote: ↑Mon Dec 06, 2021 8:54 am
Our memories are part of who we are [ whether bad or good ] and despite all those setbacks you were forced to endure as a kid you have grown into the man you are today . You're alright in my book , mate . Can I borrow £500?
rigoberts song wrote: ↑Tue Dec 07, 2021 11:04 am
what's your idea Mushy I'm intrigued ?
To be honest it's not my idea at all but something that Sarah Millican does every year.
She's not exactly my cup of tea as a comedian but I know from first hand experience that she does some wonderful work for various mental health charities.
Her message is as follows -
Hello All,
If you’re not looking forward to Christmas Day, maybe jump on Twitter and follow the hashtag #joinin for some chat and company. I’ll be there and so will lots of other lovely people. It’s our 8th year and is always so bloody lovely.
Sarah xxx
Its a tremendous success and she joins in chatting etc with those that need to.
So I was wondering if we could do something similar on here? Maybe for an hour in the morning and an hour in the evening. Am open to all suggestions but may take someone like DL (there's no one like DL) to help set up and facilitate.
All ideas gratefully received.
It would actually work better on WhatsApp but managing that side of things might be quite difficult and lacks spontaneity.
So I was wondering if we could do something similar on here? Maybe for an hour in the morning and an hour in the evening. Am open to all suggestions but may take someone like DL (there's no one like DL) to help set up and facilitate.
All ideas gratefully received.
It would actually work better on WhatsApp but managing that side of things might be quite difficult and lacks spontaneity.
Thoughts everyone?
It's as good an idea as any , Mush - easy to dismiss but not as easy to come up with a better alternative .
If I won £180m on the Lottery I'd buy a huge mansion up here in Scotland and invite every single one of you who's on your own at this time of year - BUT ......REMEMBER......it's only a couple of days , 3 at most .....no different to an ordinary weekend - Christmas is just a state of mind , it's something we all yearn for because we're led to believe it's some sort of Magical Time when in reality someone has to slave over a hot stove preparing dinner for ' X' number while everyone else is glued to the telly glass in hand . It's no fun for the cook [ which is why 3 years running we ordered an Indian Takeaway for our Christmas Dinner ] . It's no fun for the less well off , it's no fun if you have a parent who drinks too much , it's no fun if you're homeless and it's no fun if you're on your own , that's a LOT of people NOT having fun .
If you are on your own at Christmas then you've probably been on your own those other 364 days of the year and you coped just fine then , eh ? Well , most of the time you did . Christmas and New Year are overrated , we spend a fortune on presents and food and what for , coz someone invented Christmas .....well , changed it's name from Saturnalia , Yule or Midwinter Solstice or whatever came before . We are almost pressurised into spending and we feel pressurised into feeling happy when not everyone feels that way . At least you'll be safe in the knowledge that you didn't get conned into spending all your money on frippery that'll get thrown within a few days .
Stay well , all of you , we've got Southampton on Boxing Day , and there's Kempton to look forward to .
That's a great idea Mushy .
Look forward to joining you at your mansion soon Tomos and typically Generous of you too DL in light of all your health issues to look out for me and others on here. Bit of light at the end of the tunnel I've been doing voluntary work down here on Exmoor for nearly a year since I moved down from Oxfordshire.
Met some lovely people including a lady doctor anyway had a chat yesterday and she said she's on her own Xmas and boxing day so invited her over and she said yes!
Quick chat abt who's bringing what for dinner and it was sorted .So a huge thank you to all my friends on here for being there for me you're brilliant people. RS
Ps I know you love your walking DL so if you want my letting room free for a few nights pm me .
rigoberts song wrote: ↑Wed Dec 08, 2021 1:30 pm
Met some lovely people including a lady doctor anyway had a chat yesterday and she said she's on her own Xmas and boxing day so invited her over and she said yes!
rigoberts song wrote: ↑Wed Dec 08, 2021 1:30 pm
a lady doctor anyway had a chat yesterday and she said she's on her own Xmas and boxing day so invited her over and she said yes!
You effing lucky b******d!
Seriously, well bloody done you.
Make sure she takes your pulse before and after.
