The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

[hammer etc]

Anyone else watch Drag Race?

If you do you’ll know that RuPaul often talks about “your inner saboteur”, if you’re not a fan/viewer it’s that voice in your head which always puts you down.

I’m really struggling with mine inner voice/saboteur) at the moment, I’m desperately trying to find a new job and as soon as I apply that flipping voice pops up to say “you’re useless, they’ll not want you etc. . .” I for some reason have not responded to people in the past when they contact me about new jobs or opportunities. Why do I do that?

I hate my job, I do almost all the work and get nothing for it, except more work. I’ve been here for twelve years and have hated most of it for that time. I just can’t seem to leave.

How can I get around it and stop thinking I’m worthless? And any ideas to shut the voice up would be great.

You need to have a conversation with that voice. I don't mean sitting there talking to yourself. Have you read Desiterata, if not you should, older Kumbers will remember the song from the seventies. There is a line in it that tells you not to compare youself with others because you will become vain and bitter. For once I disagree, that is if you compare yourself with others in a positive way it can help. Look at our football team they all have different abilities, different strengths and weaknesses, but they do there best to work together. You see I used to be very insecure and nervous, I'm still nervous but not so insecure. There is a saying is it takes all types to make a world, or as I prefer it needs all types to make a world. Look on here there are so many differing views, so many great post, some not so good (most of mine),some long, some straight to the point etc, again all different types that exist together. One day you may read a post and think thats a good point then further down you may read an apposing veiw and think I never thought of that. Compared to Albert Einstein in science I'm worthless, compared to Declan Rice on a football pitch I'm worthless. Compared to those Russian troops murdering and rapeing in Ukraine I'm a million times better as the saying goes. These are extreme cases so as you get closer to the people around you it will be suttle differences in all directions. What I did myself is I came to terms with myself the positive and the negitive, by realising we all have positive and negative attributes. So in a nutshell think about the person you are and except youself, in a kind way. Did you read your post back to yourself, specifically the bit were you say you do almost all the work at your present job? I would not call that useless or worthless, that makes you an asset to the company. Reading between the lines I think the jobs you are applying for may test you compared to your present one which you are clearly good at. That is not a bad thing, it means you are trying to advance yourself. The simple question is are you good enough? If you are not quite sure maybe something in between, that would still be a step forward. But if you think you are then why not give it a go.

I wish you good luck.

[The Old Man of Storr]

As some may have noticed I stopped posting on the 24-25th February [ can't remember the exact date ] -

Things were getting to me - worrying about my kids and my Mrs mostly and every post on Knees Up Mother Brown seemed to be an argument about something or other , the Russo-Ukraine War mainly , so I decided I needed to remove myself from the situation .

The painkillers don't help , being opiates they can affect mental health in a negative way but I have to take them to function so I have to deal with them as best I can .

Thing is , I'd posted on here every day since I joined in 2009 , other than the 3 months I spent in hospital and as you know this social media malarkey gets addictive - I was ok for about 2-3 weeks then I missed the camaraderie of this place , you're like Family to me and I've got close to many of you here but it's like being off sick from work , the longer you're away the harder it is going back .

I'd recommend taking a few days off if things start getting to you , not too many but a break sometimes does you good .

Jen had to take Becky away to Glasgow again on 24th April and she was gone for two weeks , she came home today but she's off again tomorrow until hopefully Wednesday - it's a stressful time and these clinics ain't cheap along with having to pay out for AirBnBs , having to arrange time off from work etc , all I have to do is cook and clean and keep Dan happy .

There's plenty of folk who'd swap their problems for mine , I realise that , but stress affects us all at one point or another , we all have our own individual crosses to bear - taking time off social media helped a bit but I think the benefits of SM outweigh the negatives and so here I am , back again .


Samba and Ageing - I hope you both feel better soon , lads , you know where I am if you feel the need to chat .

[Jennings]

Great to see you back posting ToMoS.

I hope everything will work out for you.

[Samba]

Samba and Ageing - I hope you both feel better soon , lads , you know where I am if you feel the need to chat .

Thanks TOMoS, really appreciate that.
I'm glad you got your mojo (& U-boat) back.
Best wishes, Ageing.

[The Old Man of Storr]

Great to see you back posting ToMoS.

I hope everything will work out for you.

Thank you , Jennings , very kind of you .

What will be will be - and if it's not to be we'll cope I'm sure .

[The Old Man of Storr]

Thanks TOMoS, really appreciate that.

No problem , it's nothing you wouldn't do for me or anyone else on this forum for that matter , you're a good man , Samba , remember that .

[Joyeux Marteau]

Just wanted to say thanks for all the support and kind words.

I contacted the person about the job and it was going well until we talked about getting to the site, I could get there by bus (I can’t drive) but they’re not as regular as I thought, so I can’t work there. It’s a real shame as it would have been perfect. I’m going to try not to let it get to me as at least it’s some kind of progress.

Conversations with the inner voice are still on going.

[Joyeux Marteau]

Great to see you back posting ToMoS.

I hope everything will work out for you.

Just wanted to echo this as well ToMoS.

[DaveWHU1964]

2 things. One, I'm pretty certain that my wife doesn't love me anymore. Two, I'm pretty certain I'm about to lose my job.

There's some great advice on here mate. Better than I can give so I can't add anything meaningful. But I will just say you've always come across as a top bloke and I'm pretty sure that is who you really are in real life. I wish you well. The same goes to all of the lads and lasses(?) who make this thread the most human one on Kumb.

[Harlow Hammer]

Seeing as it Mental Health Awareness week and I need to write something.

I’ve posted on this thread about being lonely despite having a family and friends.

I’ve never felt so alone as I do now. I spend most of my evenings alone in the front room, at work there is very little interaction.

I used to be the one sparking up conversations, having a laugh and joke and always in a group of people but since I’ve gone back to the office I seemed to just keep myself to myself, go to lunch on my own and leave and arrive with nothing more than a morning/goodbye.

It’s not me and I feel I’ve changed and no idea why. I’ve lost direction, no drive or ambition no enthusiasm.

I’m not happy at home, not happy at work and sometimes feel like just wandering off somewhere and see where it takes me. Without commitments at home I’d just up and leave.

Feels like there something missing or I’m waiting for something to happen and I’m pretty sure that’s not how life should be.

I hate it but don’t know what to do. How do I snap out of it. I’m pretty if I carry in like this I’ll end up spiralling into depression.

I’ve thought about talking to someone but don’t know where to start.

[The Old Man of Storr]

Seeing as it Mental Health Awareness week and I need to write something.

I’ve posted on this thread about being lonely despite having a family and friends.

I’ve never felt so alone as I do now. I spend most of my evenings alone in the front room, at work there is very little interaction.



I hate it but don’t know what to do. How do I snap out of it. I’m pretty if I carry in like this I’ll end up spiralling into depression.

I’ve thought about talking to someone but don’t know where to start.

When you say ' Family ' does this include a partner , a Wife ?

If so I'd begin by talking to her or your closest friend - how did it get to this stage - then I'd make an appointment to see your Doctor to see what help he or she can offer before things get any worse - you've already taken the first step by discussing things on here .

Do you have any interests - have you thought about joining a club of some sort - a walking club - photography club - enrolling in some night class , anything that would get you away from the loneliness of that front room ?

But please , start by making that appointment .

[Samba]

I’m not happy at home, not happy at work and sometimes feel like just wandering off somewhere and see where it takes me. Without commitments at home I’d just up and leave.
Feels like there something missing or I’m waiting for something to happen and I’m pretty sure that’s not how life should be.
I hate it but don’t know what to do. How do I snap out of it. I’m pretty if I carry in like this I’ll end up spiralling into depression.
I’ve thought about talking to someone but don’t know where to start.

I'm so pleased you were able to post that HH, it's a good start.
I'm also sorry to hear how you've been feeling. That lonely feeling is really horrible to have. However imo, it's also telling you that you do need to try to investigate it & yes, talking to someone is almost certainly the way forward for you.
First (try to..) speak with your GP about trying to get a referral for talking therapy. Depending on what it's like where you live, sometimes you can even refer yourself to the service. That's through the NHS I'm talking about. Yes, you could go private & be seen a lot quicker but I don't the treatment would be any better & could cost you a lot of money, so try the NHS first.
And please don't hesitate if you just need to talk on here. That is what this thread is for.

[WHU Independent]

Hi HH,

Advance warning - bit of a long post.

Re this comment you made:

Feels like there something missing or I’m waiting for something to happen and I’m pretty sure that’s not how life should be.

Just to let you know I felt like this a few years ago. "What was my purpose in life? What should I be doing with my life? What happens in my life next?" - these questions used to both hound and plague me, day and night, but in the end I found the answer (for me) and I hope it might help you in the long run.

For me life is to be lived, day to day, doing the stuff you love doing in the time that is available. I have no big aims, no grand plan, I'm not waiting for stuff to happen: I just do what I want to do within the constraints of the time I have spare.

and if you don't know what to do, revisit some past activities that you loved and/or try new things!

As you may be aware, I was forced to move from East London to Lincoln, with my elderly aging father. We were both totally new to the area and I only knew one person here, and he was more of an aquaintance that a mate. Initially I sat indoors playing computer games in my spare time, but this was really unhealthy for me (mentally and physically.)

In the end, I realised I was becoming depressed so I went out and did things I'd never do. I've never been one for going into pubs on my own, but I did it - and met some new mates. I joined a Social Club, met loads of West Ham fans and went to some of the social clubs events.

I then realised that my garden and attached allotment were a real state. So I bought a mower and mowed the grass. The result was that the grass looked great but the flowers around it looked mankey. So I talked to a bloke I knew, he came round, gave me loads of advice re what to do, I took it on board and got stuck into the garden. It looks a thousand times better and my flowers and plants are flourishing. The amount os satisfaction is amazing. And the allotment - I weeded it, planted a few potatoes and onions to see how it went - it all sprung up and I became really enthusiastic. I now have 6 tomato plants growing, 6 chilli plants on the go, i've sown asparagus, rocket and peppers and various flowers in my greenhouse - and guess what, it appears I have "green fingers" and I've become a bloody gardner, and I bloodylove it!

It gets me out in the open, it's physically enjoyable and knackering at the same time, I'm topping up my vitamin D levels and being amongst colourful florishing, growing things - plus loads of wild life that now visit my garden - it is is really good for my mental health.

All because I mowed the lawn.

As for planning stuff I only plan what needs to be planned and go with the flow for the rest. Take today for example - I had to take my father for a medical appointment (planned) then we had a nice lunch in a cafe (unplanned). Then we went to a charity shop (unplanned), bought some stuff, then picked up my mate, dropped off my dad and we went to a local Fayre (planned)where I met my local MP, my councillors, and visited lots of stalls. I met a group called U3L which is dedicated to your "third life" - basically when you get older and have nothing to do. They do walks, talks, displays, conferences, arts etc, I then met people from Carers UK, who had some great advice for me and are going to sort some thinsg out for me, plus many other local groups who do stuff.

All because I went to a Fayre - that I would usually never go to.

After that I did some physical exercise (planned) but them my mate (who's a Gooner) rang me up and was so pissed off at the way the Arse/Spurs game was going, he wanted to go down the pub and do a pub quiz (unplanned.) So I jumped in the car, drove there and didn't drink (I'm controlling my drinking) and we had great fun.

What I am trying to say, in a long winded way, is that in my free tome, I just go with the flow. I plan the things that I need to and as for the rest I usue the analogy that "I am in a rudderless boat, sailing on the sea of life. I go where it takes me and just enjoy the ride."

I know this isn't for everyone, but it worked for me and I hope some of it may work for you HH mate.

[rigoberts song]

Hi HH, I was in your shoes abt 8 years ago
You must talk to your wife partner etc
I had enough and did the walking off thing then threw myself into online dating sites it gave me quick fixes of pleasure having loads of casual sex with dozens of women sounds great but you lose the ability to form loving long term relationships .
I'd definitely stay where you are .if you go you'll feel empty and Feel even more lonely.
Quick changes are laying off the booze
Get out into the garden if you have one growing vegetables or flowers helps .
Connect with nature I was out 530 this morning in the woods here looking at pied flycatchers.
Birdwatching and walking are great for your mental health .
Wild swimming is good get your self a wetsuit and find a lake where you can swim at eyelevel and look at damsel flies and the ducklings. Sorry if this sounds hippy but all these things along with decent healthy food will make you feel better .
But get the appointment talk to mates and family abt how you feel.People on here are amazing and have kept my head above water they'll do the same for you .Good luck RS

[OFT]

HH
Nothing much to add to the replies already made other than to wish you well and please see your GP.
All the very best.

[pablo jaye]

Just catching up with this thread and I really admire the posters who are sharing their issues, and also those great folk who are giving advice and thoughts back.

Great to have ToMoS back too - particularly sage advice about stepping away from media for a few days. I’ve done that periodically, and alsways come back refreshed … my first port of call is generally KUMB as you are all good folk.

[davids cross]

Serious question.

Does anyone get depressed about the ending of the football season....?

Not just a bit down but a real depression about it...?

[Samba]

Serious question.

Does anyone get depressed about the ending of the football season....?

Not just a bit down but a real depression about it...?

Yes, definitely dc*.
Mind you, before the last 2 seasons, it was all the way through it, as well..


*Especially seasons without a WC or Euro's to look forward to.

[btajim - mcfc]

Serious question.

Does anyone get depressed about the ending of the football season....?

Not just a bit down but a real depression about it...?

Ish. I’ve booked to go to Malaga in July as I love it over there.

My international team are Wales so I have their matches in June too. If they qualify for Qatar then I’m not going.

I no longer go to City regularly but my wallet always felt the break.

[Tenbury]

HH,
Good advice from all the above. If your GP is a good'un you've got a head start, but if he/she is one of the (happily rare) aloof types, you can and should ask to see one of the others in the same practice.
Best Wishes.