Anything goes in The Snug, General Discussion's rebellious little brother. An off-topic den of iniquity where any subject not covered elsewhere may be discussed. Well, anything except golf, Star Wars and Arsenal.
Joyeux Marteau wrote: ↑Fri Apr 29, 2022 2:37 pm
. .” I for some reason have not responded to people in the past when they contact me about new jobs or opportunities. Why do I do that?
I hate my job, I do almost all the work and get nothing for it, except more work. I’ve been here for twelve years and have hated most of it for that time. I just can’t seem to leave.
How can I get around it and stop thinking I’m worthless? And any ideas to shut the voice up would be great.
My complete guess would be some sort of rejection issue is the reason you don't respond to job requests.
Your self esteem seems like it's at rock bottom and there is normally a good reason for this which is probably nothing to do with you. Our early nurturing has a clear effect on how we grow as adults, if our parents constantly put us down we tend to believe them and it stays with us.
Either way, have you thought about counselling JM?
A lot depends on who you get but for many they work really well.
Best of luck mate.
mushy wrote: ↑Sat Apr 30, 2022 10:23 am
My complete guess would be some sort of rejection issue is the reason you don't respond to job requests.
Your self esteem seems like it's at rock bottom and there is normally a good reason for this which is probably nothing to do with you. Our early nurturing has a clear effect on how we grow as adults, if our parents constantly put us down we tend to believe them and it stays with us.
Either way, have you thought about counselling JM?
A lot depends on who you get but for many they work really well.
Best of luck mate.
Great answer, mushy.
What a b*stard our inner critics are. Like some f*cking useless, 'hanger-on' that we can't get rid of.
Loads of stuff online about dealing with one's inner b*stard, btw!
I think I rely far too much on other people. I’ve now had a fourth set of social plans finish because the other person just changes their mind. I never commit to anything until I know I can go. It’s nothing major just football, Blackpool etc. What are people like?
I get that DL, feels like another kick in the gonads and confirming what you have been through and still have to contend with, it may well have triggered some dark places you went to over the last 4 years as well.
In regards to people congratulating you, they don''t mean any disrespect by it, so knock that out your nut as soon as you can.
On a plus side to all this having the badge will help you, so try and let that thought take over the rubbish ones
2 things. One, I'm pretty certain that my wife doesn't love me anymore. Two, I'm pretty certain I'm about to lose my job.
I'm devastated about my wife as I couldn't love her more than I do. I can understand how she feels though. I'm a bit of a waster and to be honest I don't consider her or my kids enough. I'm not a **** or anything but I have so much time on my hands and I use it watching crap on YouTube and twitch.
I couldn't give a **** about the job except that it pays fairly handsomely and I do nothing. To be honest I am embarrassed for them that it's taken so long to get rid of me.
I've tried writing variations of that for months.
I think I need to just make an effort at life but it feels so hard to just do anything more than sit around watching crap whilst eating crisps and haribo. I might legitimately be happy just doing that forever to be honest.
Ron, whether or not the Missus/job things are actually happening, you sound pretty down to me.
I know that when I'm down, I don't really get stressed, I just don't give a f**k about anything. For me it's like a sort of screen for what is, probably in truth,a sort of self loathing.
Is your GP any good? Can you talk about it with your Missus?
A complete lack of interest and enthusiasm in anything was one of the emotions I had that led to a depression diagnosis. I remember how bad I was when I was 25, when I roughly first moved to London, but it was always there regardless of when I forced myself to do things. I was eventually diagnosed at 40 which is fairly shocking when you think about it.
I don’t like my current job. I’m overworked and underpaid. I don’t fit in an otherwise entirely female team albeit with a male boss. He’s a nice bloke but spineless so they run rings around him. I’m still on job advert mailing lists and just seeing the good opportunities out there has lit a fire in my stomach. If I update the CV then I know I can be out in weeks. I may just do that.
Mega Ron wrote: ↑Thu May 05, 2022 6:58 pm
2 things. One, I'm pretty certain that my wife doesn't love me anymore. Two, I'm pretty certain I'm about to lose my job.
I'm devastated about my wife as I couldn't love her more than I do. I can understand how she feels though. I'm a bit of a waster and to be honest I don't consider her or my kids enough. I'm not a **** or anything but I have so much time on my hands and I use it watching crap on YouTube and twitch.
I couldn't give a **** about the job except that it pays fairly handsomely and I do nothing. To be honest I am embarrassed for them that it's taken so long to get rid of me.
I've tried writing variations of that for months.
I think I need to just make an effort at life but it feels so hard to just do anything more than sit around watching crap whilst eating crisps and haribo. I might legitimately be happy just doing that forever to be honest.
Sorry to hear all that, MR.
Perhaps you're watching/eating crap as a distraction from feeling bad? That if you tried to do more, you fear you won't be able to cope or that you'll fail in some way?
I think Tenbury & Jim might be on to something.
Talk to your Mrs (if you haven't already but I suspect you have) & your GP (I hope they're good...).
I don't think that you are actually happy as you are, but stuck in a mental rut that you don't know how to get out of. Help might very well be out there but you do have to make the effort of seeking it first.
Also, can you try saving your job?
Well done for posting, btw. That's an achievement in itself, for a start.
Joyeux Marteau wrote: ↑Fri Apr 29, 2022 2:37 pm
I’m really struggling with mine inner voice/saboteur) at the moment, I’m desperately trying to find a new job and as soon as I apply that flipping voice pops up to say “you’re useless, they’ll not want you etc. . .” I for some reason have not responded to people in the past when they contact me about new jobs or opportunities. Why do I do that?
I hate my job, I do almost all the work and get nothing for it, except more work. I’ve been here for twelve years and have hated most of it for that time. I just can’t seem to leave.
How can I get around it and stop thinking I’m worthless? And any ideas to shut the voice up would be great.
I have the same thing, mate. Mine has become really loud since lockdown finished, and because the current global situation is ****ing up my targets, my inner critic is having an absolute field day at my expense. My wife and my therapist tell me to remind myself of what I've been through and to talk to myself as if I'm a little boy sometimes. To care for myself. To listen and to understand what he's going through. And to give him a break. Help him...you're on the same page. Stand up to your inner critic and tell him to f*** off.
I know that it's hard, but this week I had a big visit from a potential client on Wednesday that went really well - it''s almost certainly going to bring about £40k into the business and because of external factors I had to handle the whole visit on my own, yet when I got home and my wife aksed hpw my day had been, I could only focus on the fact that I had missed an important e-mail from the previous day. It's as if when I do something well...I just expect it, but when I make mistakes I can't get them out of my head.
You probably do need to leave your job, but you probably need to try and sort your head out first. Write down the things you are doing well, the things you have been through and why you do not deserve the stick you are giving yourself. Then talk to yourself as if you were talking to mate. Be objective. Be honest. Be harsh at times, but do it with a few to self-improvement. This isn't about castigation, it's about growth. We all NEED a self-critic. He stops us being a ****. But we also need a self-supporter. Someone who rewards us and says 'well done'. You nailed it!
Keep going though and if it helps, write a couple of aims that you have this week for when you hear that voice and let us know how you get on.
Mega Ron wrote: ↑Thu May 05, 2022 6:58 pm
2 things. One, I'm pretty certain that my wife doesn't love me anymore. Two, I'm pretty certain I'm about to lose my job.
I'm devastated about my wife as I couldn't love her more than I do. I can understand how she feels though. I'm a bit of a waster and to be honest I don't consider her or my kids enough. I'm not a **** or anything but I have so much time on my hands and I use it watching crap on YouTube and twitch.
I couldn't give a **** about the job except that it pays fairly handsomely and I do nothing. To be honest I am embarrassed for them that it's taken so long to get rid of me.
I've tried writing variations of that for months.
I think I need to just make an effort at life but it feels so hard to just do anything more than sit around watching crap whilst eating crisps and haribo. I might legitimately be happy just doing that forever to be honest.
Are you happy, Ron? Because if you are, it's all good. But if you're not. Change something.
One of the things my therapist does is hold me accountable. When I don't go for a run, or when I don't spend the afternoon with my son, or when I don't take my wife out for dinner, he asks me 'why not?'. And then he asks me if not doing it made me happy or not? It sounds like your depressed and you need some help, mate.
Hang in there and talk to someone. This was a really good start though!
Mega Ron wrote: ↑Thu May 05, 2022 6:58 pm
2 things. One, I'm pretty certain that my wife doesn't love me anymore. Two, I'm pretty certain I'm about to lose my job.
I'm devastated about my wife as I couldn't love her more than I do. I can understand how she feels though. I'm a bit of a waster and to be honest I don't consider her or my kids enough. I'm not a **** or anything but I have so much time on my hands and I use it watching crap on YouTube and twitch.
I couldn't give a **** about the job except that it pays fairly handsomely and I do nothing. To be honest I am embarrassed for them that it's taken so long to get rid of me.
I've tried writing variations of that for months.
I think I need to just make an effort at life but it feels so hard to just do anything more than sit around watching crap whilst eating crisps and haribo. I might legitimately be happy just doing that forever to be honest.
I'm not a Doctor or some kind of Relationship Expert but it sounds to me like you're suffering from some form of depression , whether that be acute or mild .
No Marriage or Relationship is perfect , each one of them will go through a bad patch at one time or another so I suggest you begin by having a long chat with your nearest and dearest , apologise to her for the neglect , ask her if she thinks the relationship is worth saving - when did you last spend some time together alone - maybe arrange a weekend away with her somewhere nice or just go out to dinner , just the two of you .
Losing your job can be stressful but it can also give you a crack at something new - I've been made redundant 3 times in my life , I always found something different .
You mentioned selling up and starting afresh somewhere new - I'd give that serious consideration .
The most important consideration is your wife , I'd also make an appointment with your GP to tell them how you feel - I wish you the best of luck .
Turns to Stone wrote: ↑Fri May 06, 2022 11:33 am
I have the same thing, mate. Mine has become really loud since lockdown finished, and because the current global situation is ****ing up my targets, my inner critic is having an absolute field day at my expense. My wife and my therapist tell me to remind myself of what I've been through and to talk to myself as if I'm a little boy sometimes. To care for myself. To listen and to understand what he's going through. And to give him a break. Help him...you're on the same page. Stand up to your inner critic and tell him to **** off.
That's really interesting, Stoney. Thanks for posting that.
Joyeux Marteau wrote: ↑Fri Apr 29, 2022 2:37 pm
How can I get around it and stop thinking I’m worthless? And any ideas to shut the voice up would be great.
We're definitely our own worst enemy, some or all of the time.
You're not worthless, JM but it's you that has to know & believe that. And I know how bloody difficult that can be.
Good luck with it, mate. You're a WHU fan so that's something good about you!
I didn't want to talk about me but I am currently in one of regular 'bad episodes'. Been really bad this week but I'm seeking help again.
You wouldn't know it, I'm sure.. I'm expert at hiding it.
You guys on this thread help, just being you.
And no, even us winning last night wouldn't have really helped!
There's always hope.
I’ve had some minor depressive moods in recent days but I just sleep it off. I love my bed. I got my head down at 8pm the other night and woke up feeling good in the morning.
Next week I’m going to update my CV and get a permanent job. I temp in the Civil Service and they won’t invest in their staff. Whilst it’s not my manager’s fault, I consider myself due some loyalty back.
btajim - mcfc wrote: ↑Fri May 06, 2022 10:36 pm
I’ve had some minor depressive moods in recent days but I just sleep it off. I love my bed. I got my head down at 8pm the other night and woke up feeling good in the morning. I wish I'd done that last night, Jim..
Next week I’m going to update my CV and get a permanent job.