The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by Tenbury »

You aren't. But does it really matter?
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by fjthegrey »

Well, obviously yes. Otherwise I wouldn't have bothered to type it all out. :?
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by Polaroid »

fjthegrey wrote: Tue Dec 06, 2022 3:15 pm You lay in bed at the end of the day and analyse it's events....

I simply cannot be the only person who does this?
FJ, if I was as eloquent with words as you clearly are, I could have written that word for word.
Rarely have I ever been able to do anything to snap out of it, it just seems to abate from time to time. I don't have any strategies or the like but I can certainly empathize with you mate.
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by Tenbury »

fjthegrey wrote: Tue Dec 06, 2022 5:06 pm Well, obviously yes. Otherwise I wouldn't have bothered to type it all out. :?
I'm sorry, had I responded further sooner as I'd planned, it would 't have appeared quite so facile.

I often make huge long lists at the start of the day, then go back and check at the close of day, but to what real purpose.
Seems to me the old Socrates (the Greek one) didn't get it all right.' The Unexamined Life' may well not be worth living, but you can take that too far. [and anyway.... look where it got him]
When I'm at my most positive, whatever I'm doing, I try and stop hourly for 60 seconds, and take I all the sounds /sights/smells etc in stillness. I know it sounds a bit Zen, and it's one of the great curses of old age that your senses become less and less acute, but as my old man used to say 'if you spend your whole life planting roses, and you never take time out to smell them, what's the point?
Plus, of course, we're just a speck of dust in a cosmos of existence, ours not to reason why, so isn't it just better to drink it in?
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by YorksHammer »

I do the same sort of thing, Tenbury, and use an anxiety coping method that my therapist introduced me to, once an hour to just take me out of work. It's not because I'm necessarily anxious that regularly, but it just gives me a moment to reset before I focus again and is healthier than me picking up phone for five minutes (he says, having picked up his phone for five minutes now...)

5 things you can see
4 things you can touch
3 things you can hear
2 things you can smell
1 thing you can taste

It's simple, short, and calming - like I say, it comes from coping with anxiety to just take you out of that and focus on what's actually around you.

It's a year tomorrow since I moved out of the house I shared with my ex-wife for 11 years (she wasn't my ex-wife for all of that, to be clear) and I feel really weird about it. On the one hand I can look around at everything in this house and see how far I've come in setting up a new home, not just in terms of the things in the house but also in terms of the ever hippy sounding 'personal growth'. On the other it still doesn't feel like 'home'. Like something is still off about it and, to me, it feels transient, a short stopping point on a much larger journey through life. I've actually got a house purchase pretty much lined up and waiting for me to pull the trigger on - shared ownership, but the exact type of house I want in the exact location I want to move to.

I almost just need to provoke myself into saying yes at this point in time, as I'm starting to get the money freak out I have whenever I get close to spending a large sum on something. I know I can afford it month to month because I currently am paying slightly more in rent than this will cost me. I know I can afford the deposit and the legal fees because I have those costs in front of me. And I know it won't exhaust the savings pot entirely so I'll still have a buffer to cover things like curtains and maybe a couple of other decorative things when I move without ending up out of pocket entirely.

But then I think about what I'd do if the car broke down the day after I move, or if I suddenly have something that needs a big cost which I've not thought of, and I start to doubt myself.
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by btajim - mcfc »

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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by S-H »

Who?
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by btajim - mcfc »

First one. Who he?
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by mushy »

btajim - mcfc wrote: Wed Dec 07, 2022 7:55 pm https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-wales-63769 ... T3cQGsykGY

Look who made a BBC feature!
Nice one Jim.
Probably deserves a thread of it's own rather then the mental health thread though.
Unless I've missed something.
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by btajim - mcfc »

I'd rather it didn't have one. I kept my illness to this thread only (I struggled mentally despite having a routine operation) and it's something I don't want to talk about en masse. The infected piece was found very quickly so there was no month after month of treatment.
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by YorksHammer »

Hope everyone out there is doing alright today. Look after yourselves, and if you can look after those around you too.
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by rigoberts song »

Wise words Yorks esp as we are heading towards Xmas.
May be worth all looking in Xmas day for those who are alone or struggling .
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by mushy »

rigoberts song wrote: Mon Dec 12, 2022 8:57 am Wise words Yorks esp as we are heading towards Xmas.
May be worth all looking in Xmas day for those who are alone or struggling .
Well said Yorks and Rigoberts.
Probably a timely reminder as well that Sarah Millican will be doing her annual Twitter campaign on Christmas day for those on their own.
It's just a way of keeping in touch with others and making sure they are ok.

I agree though, a check in on here on Christmas day is a great idea.
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by Burnley Hammer »

fjthegrey wrote: Tue Dec 06, 2022 3:15 pm You lay in bed at the end of the day and analyse it's events, in a general sense. The abundant failures, the minor successes, the indifferences. There is a broad feeling that much of it was wasted. The inexhaustive list of jobs/tasks you had grew larger, the moments of leisure were distracted and improperly savoured, you didn't contribute to improving anything. It was forgettable and you've spent your time negligently. It wasn't a success by many measurables.

Then comes the genuine and heartfelt resolution that tomorrow will be better. You mentally collate a list of tasks in your mind which feel easily attainable, you scoff at having not completed the tasks before, given how simple and easy they will be to accomplish. You're energised to do more, to succeed where you had previously failed, to spend tomorrow night celebrating abundant successes. Your intent is authentic. You almost wish you didn't need to sleep so you could get up and get to work on your list of tasks immediately. You fall asleep with clarity and fortitude.

Then you wake up and everything is exactly the same as it was the day before. You're lucky if you even attempt to tackle one thing on the list you drew up the previous evening, let alone complete it. You procrastinate, you're half hearted and passive, it flows by as though you barely existed. And then you're in bed again that evening, piecing together an explanation for more failures and fewer successes, convincing yourself again that tomorrow will be better, you will be better.

I simply cannot be the only person who does this?
In terms of wasting time, procrastinating, not getting things done, etc... we all do it.

You may be thinking about it more than most though, possibly being a little harsh on yourself and letting it get you down. I sympathise as this is the kind of thing I used to do a lot and as a result, used to be in an almost constant state of being pissed off with myself. Though it may seem like you're thinking ultra efficiently before bed, in reality maybe all you're doing is piling on pressure ready for the next day. And then when you wake up you think differently because, let's face it, who wants pressure when they've just got out of bed in the morning?! I used to be almost obsessive with trying to get as much done in a day. Making lists, timetables, creating time windows for things like exercise, learning, etc. I learnt all about the Getting Things Done (GTD) system, got myself some software built around it and tried to become an ultra efficient machine. It all failed though - all I did was add a load of pressure that I didn't need and ended up hating myself on a daily basis for being so crap.

I'm at peace with it all now. I accept that I'm never going to be that person - the idealistic version of myself. I place the most emphasis now on simply relaxing and not letting life's stresses get to me. Maybe that's just something that happens when you age, I don't know. If I honestly spent time right now making a list of all the things that needed doing... all the things I've avoided doing... it would, guaranteed, depress me. So I don't do that. I'm often accused of being too lackadaisical these days but as a result, I'm probably the least stressed and the most content than any other time of my adult life. So in one way I may be rubbish - in another way, I may be doing quite well. It all depends on how you measure life. I've reduced life to the most simplest of things now... we have money, we have heating, we have a roof over our heads, we can all afford to eat the things we want to eat, we're all healthy. So what is there to be stressed about? Everything else now falls into the 'would be nice but not essential' category.

I think the other thing to be wary of with overthinking and overplanning is anxiety. If that kind of thinking is done almost chronically, it becomes hardwired in your brain - and then it becomes difficult to think in any other way. You end up having to retrain yourself. It's only a small jump from planning and perfectionism to worry, pressure, and anxiety. Sometimes, doing nothing is OK and being crap is normal.

Of course I might be talking b*llocks and I might actually just be a useless b*stard! :)
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by Joyeux Marteau »

YorksHammer wrote: Wed Dec 07, 2022 9:53 am
It's simple, short, and calming - like I say, it comes from coping with anxiety to just take you out of that and focus on what's actually around you.
Thanks for this, I’m going to try it to see if it helps me at all. Do you recommend writing it down?
rigoberts song wrote: Mon Dec 12, 2022 8:57 am Wise words Yorks esp as we are heading towards Xmas.
May be worth all looking in Xmas day for those who are alone or struggling .
I’ll pop in on Christmas Day, if anyone wants to talk or anything.

Take care everyone.
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by Samba »

Burnley Hammer wrote: Mon Dec 12, 2022 9:48 am Of course I might be talking b*llocks and I might actually just be a useless b*stard! :)
:crylol:
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by White Goodman »

fjthegrey wrote: Tue Dec 06, 2022 3:15 pm You lay in bed at the end of the day and analyse it's events, in a general sense. The abundant failures, the minor successes, the indifferences. There is a broad feeling that much of it was wasted. The inexhaustive list of jobs/tasks you had grew larger, the moments of leisure were distracted and improperly savoured, you didn't contribute to improving anything. It was forgettable and you've spent your time negligently. It wasn't a success by many measurables.

Then comes the genuine and heartfelt resolution that tomorrow will be better. You mentally collate a list of tasks in your mind which feel easily attainable, you scoff at having not completed the tasks before, given how simple and easy they will be to accomplish. You're energised to do more, to succeed where you had previously failed, to spend tomorrow night celebrating abundant successes. Your intent is authentic. You almost wish you didn't need to sleep so you could get up and get to work on your list of tasks immediately. You fall asleep with clarity and fortitude.

Then you wake up and everything is exactly the same as it was the day before. You're lucky if you even attempt to tackle one thing on the list you drew up the previous evening, let alone complete it. You procrastinate, you're half hearted and passive, it flows by as though you barely existed. And then you're in bed again that evening, piecing together an explanation for more failures and fewer successes, convincing yourself again that tomorrow will be better, you will be better.

I simply cannot be the only person who does this?
This.

I have lost count of the number of list apps I have bought and filled out diligently, only to leave them sitting there, tasks uncompleted.

I bought a book about beating procrastination and then chucked it under my desk because I couldn't be arsed reading it.

I actively seek "work" to avoid doing the tasks on which I am procrastinating, when in truth it would be quicker to probably do the work.

I think it is because I have found a way of being successful without actually doing much work. I am not quite driven enough, certainly not now, to work that bit harder and be that bit more successful, because I can't see the point.

I make more than at least 97/98% of the working population , almost all of whom probably outwork me, some massively so.

If I want to make lots more, then I have to put in a significant amount of effort and that isn't for me, as I prefer to go to the gym and sleep the rest of the time.

To paraphrase Peter in Office Space "I do just about enough to not get fired" and even that didn't work at my last place.
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by rigoberts song »

I'll definitely look in though I feel I take more than I give to this thread .
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by Samba »

White Goodman wrote: Mon Dec 12, 2022 1:10 pmI bought a book about beating procrastination and then chucked it under my desk because I couldn't be arsed reading it.
:crylol:
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by Samba »

rigoberts song wrote: Mon Dec 12, 2022 1:22 pm I'll definitely look in though I feel I take more than I give to this thread .
Don't be daft, rs.
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