The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

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-DL-
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by -DL- »

One thing I hear quite often, and I heard it as recently as yesterday, especially in regards to the issues I'm going through, when people say 'makes mine seem insignificant'. They are not insignificant, it's not a top trumps over who is having the harder time. I see posts on here where I think to myself 'f*** having to deal with that' - our problems are our problems, and if it is affecting you, then it's affecting you - and that's all that matters, so you deal with it how you can and get the support that you need.

Regardless of the perceived severity, we're all in it together, for each other.
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by fjthegrey »

-DL- wrote: Wed Jul 27, 2022 11:37 am when people say 'makes mine seem insignificant'.
I do agree with the general sentiment of what you are saying, but I actually find this way of thinking to be quite useful personally.

I read things on here, see the genuine struggles and hardship people are suffering and it does snap me out of my own malaise to some degree. The largely superficial and modest disquiet that I personally suffer, compared to the existential crises many on here battle on a daily level are much easier to dismiss and overcome.

I'm not sure it's what the thread was designed for, and it probably makes me come off as a bit of a bellend when I think about it, but I do take some comfort in how well things are going for myself when weighed against how much others seem to be suffering. It provides perspective at least. That's not to say I'm in here looking for the most miserable **** I can find to counterbalance my own, or wishing people anything other than the absolute best, it's not an active way of thinking. It's just my involuntary reaction to the things I read.

Of course, peoples own personal mechanisms and the tolerance level they have for dealing with hardship are always justified. I'd never wish to undermine anyone for feeling the way they do about anything, but I definitely think there is some validity, and strength to be drawn from the mindset that things could be worse. I can also see the downside of that thought process as well, but as long as someone isn't pushing their problems to one side then it can be healthy.

Just my thoughts anyway.
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by ageing hammer »

Samba I am so sorry for your loss, there are no words at this time that can ease it but at least you were there with her and that would have been her wish to go peacefully with her loved ones beside her. God Bless mate.

Ron and Rigoberts we are all on your sides wishing you both can get the help you need at this horrible time. Please take the advice from all of us on here because we REALLY care about you.

DL Jesus man I hope you get some good news today if ever a fellah deserved a bloody break it is you mate. :heart:
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by -DL- »

fjthegrey wrote: Wed Jul 27, 2022 12:02 pm I do agree with the general sentiment of what you are saying, but I actually find this way of thinking to be quite useful personally....

I think the danger of this is, is that you then can start feeling that you're issues actually are insignificant, until the next time they come out of that little box in the back of your head, then you remember 'nah, they're nothing to worry about' so the can of dealing with them gets kicked down the road, and back in to the box they go, ultimately to never go away.

it's human nature to do that, to put off doing something until later - but when it's health related, including mental health, in my humble opinion, it's always better to get stuff sorted sooner rather than later. Know what I mean?
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by Cockneyboy311 »

lots going on here right now and would take a while to address everyone individually so i'll just say this - best wishes to all of you, and DM's are always open.

Actually one last thing - I think Dr Venk mentioned RAR's in his post. I echo those thoughts. It is 100% the most important thread on this site. Don't see him around these parts very often these days but if you see this, although indirectly, you've helped a lot of people (including me) so thank you.
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by Turns to Stone »

Really sorry for your loss, Samba. I'm sure you know this already, but she would have been incredibly proud of you - and to be honest, when I do eventually depart this mortal coil - knowing that my kids are good eggs will be a very happy thought to check out with!

FJ, I do completely get your point but it's worth remembering that whatever your biggest problem is, it's your biggest problem. We all get used to dealing with them, and some people are really good at it. Jesus, it sounds like DL could poo out a hippo and he'd still be a brilliant Dad and a double-hard b*stard. Whilst some of us forget to pay the gas bill and go to pieces. We're all different at different times and what's great is that this thread add's context and helps us to better understand mental health generally. It adds understanding and it will be there when you need it and when you don't. And it doesn't judge the size of your problems. It just listens and offers encouragement. To quote my one of my favourite lyric's:-

… True love feeds on absences like pleasure feeds on pain
So no matter where I'm standing I still love you all the same
And I hope you feel the same way when its your turn to disappear
I'll be cheering from the sidelines with a sandwich and a beer…


Eventually - we will all need some help.
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by Samba »

Turns to Stone wrote: Wed Jul 27, 2022 2:52 pm Really sorry for your loss, Samba. I'm sure you know this already, but she would have been incredibly proud of you - and to be honest, when I do eventually depart this mortal coil - knowing that my kids are good eggs will be a very happy thought to check out with!
Thank you Stoney & again, thank you everyone for your messages.
It just occurred to me, since my dad died 10 years ago, pretty much my whole life has been spent concerned for & with looking after mum.
Knowing that helps me to explain to myself why I'm suddenly feeling a bit lost.
I don't begrudge one second of it; it wasn't all for her, I'm sure it was just as much for me, as well.
She was always proud of me & my sister but you always wish that you could have made them prouder. I'm sure that she would claim that nothing could have done. She couldn't have loved us any more than she did although it would have been good if she had also been able to worry about us, a little bit less..

It does remind me though that some people do/did have difficult relationships with one or both of their parents.
Don't get me wrong, both my mum & dad weren't perfect, far from it & there were some very difficult times, over our lives.
I just hope that everyone on here especially, can come to terms with their own parental/family issues, in time.
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by -DL- »

Well, stage 2a Melanoma, not metastatic, not related to the bladder cancer.

Operation to take another chunk out of my back in the next month or so, and lymphatic biopsy done whilst under general anaesthetic.

There by the grace, etc, it was caught relatively early and upcoming procedures are precautionary - and even more of a bonus, my hernia op can go ahead next month as planned, as there will be no delays due to treatment.

I feel completely drained after weeks of stressing, and like a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders.

I was due in work tomorrow at 0600, but I've called in and blown it out, because for the first time in a couple of months, I suspect tonight I'm going to have a good night's sleep, and I plan on waking up when my body tells me to, and not the alarm.
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by ageing hammer »

:scarfer: :scarfer: :scarfer:
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by DrVenk »

-DL- wrote: Wed Jul 27, 2022 7:08 pm I feel completely drained after weeks of stressing, and like a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders.
:newthumb: Superb news. Enjoy that lie-in mate.
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by Eggchaser »

Sorry for your loss Samba
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by mushy »

Interesting podcast where Sam Delaney interviews Ex and talks about the effect online trolls have with his mental health.
There is also a reference to what I think might be this thread and the stick and trolling Ex has received on KUMB via the general discussion thread.
It's worth thinking about.
https://samdelaney.substack.com/p/ep-63 ... rce=direct
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by -DL- »

mushy wrote: Thu Jul 28, 2022 2:24 pm I
There is also a reference to what I think might be this thread and the stick and trolling Ex has received on KUMB via the general discussion thread.
And that boys and girls, is why I will always jump on people in The GD when they start talking about Ex personally rather than his info. It makes us look dog-**** when we have this fantastic thread here running, and people are too thick to realise that by trolling him via this site, gives us a bad look - and that's despite the fact trolling people and being as personal as some of the **** that gets said about him on here, is a low-blow anyway.
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by S-H »

For what it's worth I don't think it's Kumb he is referring to, but that's beside the point.

Certainly an eye opener though.

Thanks for sharing, mush, I like Sam Delaney.
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by Phil S »

S-H wrote: Thu Jul 28, 2022 3:28 pm For what it's worth I don't think it's Kumb he is referring to
It is, sadly.

This is a brilliant thread, I often read it despite never having the need personally. I have also recommended it several times to West Ham fans on twitter who have been struggling.
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by mushy »

S-H wrote: Thu Jul 28, 2022 3:28 pm For what it's worth I don't think it's Kumb he is referring to, but that's beside the point.

Certainly an eye opener though.

Thanks for sharing, mush, I like Sam Delaney.
I'm almost certain it is.
He once tweeted to that effect and mentioned both Kumb and the mental health thread.
DL is completely right on this.
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by Roby »

-DL- wrote: Wed Jul 27, 2022 7:08 pm Well, stage 2a Melanoma, not metastatic, not related to the bladder cancer.

Operation to take another chunk out of my back in the next month or so, and lymphatic biopsy done whilst under general anaesthetic.

There by the grace, etc, it was caught relatively early and upcoming procedures are precautionary - and even more of a bonus, my hernia op can go ahead next month as planned, as there will be no delays due to treatment.

I feel completely drained after weeks of stressing, and like a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders.

I was due in work tomorrow at 0600, but I've called in and blown it out, because for the first time in a couple of months, I suspect tonight I'm going to have a good night's sleep, and I plan on waking up when my body tells me to, and not the alarm.
I just had a £1 coin size mole cut off my back yesterday.

Now waiting for the biopsy results, I got the impression from the surgeon that it sounds 70/30 that it was cancerous just by the size and look of it.

Half expecting another phone call in the next few few weeks to get the surrounding area cut out too.

He did mention lymph nodes but I’m hoping he just meant that scenario is only if the biopsy shows any problems.

I had an hernia op as a kid and that was much worse. My wife’s worried but I’m more of a ”que sera sera” person.
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by Greatest Cockney Rip Off »

Samba wrote: Wed Jul 27, 2022 12:12 am Mum passed away at around 15:30 Tuesday afternoon.
Me & sister were there & mum left us very peacefully.
I shall miss her so much but I am also able to think that it was her time.
Thanks for all of the support on here, it really helped to have your thoughts with me.
:heartbreak: :heart:
Mate, I am really sorry to hear that. I know the pain of losing a mother and it's a horrible thing to have to endure. There'll be a lot of guilt and a lot of regret but ultimately (and you do come across as a good egg on here) she'd have been proud of you.

Don't be sorry it's over, be glad that it happened.

RIP.
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by Samba »

Greatest Cockney Rip Off wrote: Thu Jul 28, 2022 9:53 pm Mate, I am really sorry to hear that. I know the pain of losing a mother and it's a horrible thing to have to endure. There'll be a lot of guilt and a lot of regret but ultimately (and you do come across as a good egg on here) she'd have been proud of you.

Don't be sorry it's over, be glad that it happened.

RIP.
Thank you, GC, I really appreciate that. :newthumb:
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Re: The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

Post by ageing hammer »

Good luck with the results Roby :thup:
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