The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

[The Old Man of Storr]

When I was diagnosed with MS ten years ago, I was paying attention to the faintest sensation in my body, thinking about how abnormal it is, and what dramatic consequence it may have. I went through a couple of weeks being freakishly scared, but somehow, life went on, and it had just became the new normal. I hope you'll soon be able to sleep normally, because it's such a vicious circle when you can't. As DL wisely said, try to keep your mind busy with something else as much as possible.

Toutes mes meilleures pensées, TOMOS.

One of our friends here on Skye was diagnosed with MS over 20 years back , she's still with us .

Keep strong , Misko - and thank you for your kindness .

[The Old Man of Storr]

Hey TOMOS, just wanted to say that you are in my thoughts and I wish you all the best.

My wife has been battling cancer for the past seven years and I know what it has done to me and my family over that time. It has never left our thoughts, but it has got easier over time. I hope you start to find things easier in the coming months, that initial shock is all consuming.

Stay strong.

Thank you , I'm very sorry to hear you had to endure all this , APD - kindest of regards to you both x .

[Joyeux Marteau]

i hear you with the anxiety TOMOS
Mine has ramped up again through the roof
I am really struggling to deal with my parosmia, and don't t hink i will ever be able to function normally again. everything looks futile at the minute - job, family etc

How are you doing Crouchy?

I had to google parosmia as I didn’t know what it was. I’m hoping you can get some sort of treatment to make life improvements.

Please keep positive and posting so we know you’re ok.

Take care!

[The Old Man of Storr]

i hear you with the anxiety TOMOS
Mine has ramped up again through the roof
I am really struggling to deal with my parosmia, and don't t hink i will ever be able to function normally again. everything looks futile at the minute - job, family etc

My boy lost his sense of smell for around 2-3 weeks having contracted Covid - he too was extremely worried it was going to last , luckily he regained it . He's been dreading contracting Covid again for that reason , he wouldn't cope well either - must be a lot worse if you're experiencing foul odours .

Looking at the drugs used to treat Parosmia I see Phenytoin , Clonazepam , Topiramate and Valproic acid - I take it that your Doctor has prescribed one or more of these and they didn't work ?

I know absolutely nothing about Hypnotherapy but it might be worth considering .


https://alisonralph-therapy.co.uk/hypno ... hantosmia/


Hang in there , mate .

[last.caress]

My wife and my 19yr-old son are going through a real rough patch of arguing. She's been his de facto mother since he was six but she's not his biological mum. My son seems to be (finally) going through the bratty, know-it-all phase most commonly traversed by kids around the 13, 14, 15 year mark. He's at uni studying a degree, he's passed his driving test, and we're rightly proud of him in these areas. He's a grown-up now of course but he seems to think "grown up" means staying up all night on his PC, talking to us like we're his peers and, well, that's it. My wife seems quick to jump on him, especially by comparison to our 3yr-old daughter, who is biologically both of ours. Of course my wife would argue that the 3yr-old will always get more leeway for their behaviour than a 19yr-old, and she's got a point. Does it make my boy feel isolated within the family, though?

Neither of them seem to appreciate or care how much pressure this is putting on me. If my son is clearly in the wrong and I back my wife, I can feel him mentally dismissing what I'm saying since, well, I'm bound to back my wife, right? But if I try to talk to my wife separately, I can see her doing the same. Well, you would say that, wouldn't you? He's your son.

I'm going to wind up losing one and resenting the other, and feeling like I didn't do enough (or pushed too hard) either way. Perhaps if I beat my son to a pulp in front of my wife, she might be happy. Perhaps if I grabbed wifey by the lapels and flung her out if the front door with her bags and our daughter behind her, maybe my son and I might begin to reconnect. Maybe if I had a colossal emotional meltdown, locked the doors and smashed the entire ****ing house to rubble around their uncomprehending ears, screaming as I went, they might finally notice.

I feel better having jotted that lot down, anyway. They'd just had another stupid row about something and nothing and I think it was either sit here and vent, or start lashing out in earnest. Glad I vented. It's a Band-Aid fix but it'll do for now.

[Joffrey]

That’s a very delicate balancing act and must be tough on you LC. I take it your son is living at home whilst doing his degree, seems like he is living the uni lifestyle (up all night etc…) without the freedom that comes with being in halls or a shared house. Is this an option for next year? If nothing else it will make him way more grateful and appreciative for how good he’s got it when at home.

Unfortunately the way things are financially with sky high tuition fees, bills, rent and food prices I think this is going to be a problem for a lot of 18-22 year olds, almost stuck in limbo.

Doesn’t help you right now but I’m sure there will come a time when your boy is very grateful to your wife for the maternal care she’s given him. Ironically probably won’t happen until there is a bit of distance between them! Keep fighting the good fight mate.

By the way, a 19 year old and a 3 year old! I’m guessing that wasn’t planned and she just got in the bath tub after you without giving it a proper rinse?

[last.caress]

By the way, a 19 year old and a 3 year old! I’m guessing that wasn’t planned and she just got in the bath tub after you without giving it a proper rinse?

Ha, no, I got with my wife when I was fighting my son's biological mum for custody. Once I got him, I didn't want to make him feel isolated in any way by the arrival of a baby of ours, so I said NO to any kids for the immediate. To my wife's credit she didn't make an issue of that but, in truth, we both always wanted a child together so we left it as long as we dared, so's he'd be sort-of semi-independent by then (he was 15 when we had our daughter), and his needs would be vastly different so's we could concentrate on a baby without worrying that he's too emotionally immature to understand that he's not being pushed out. So she was very much planned. I'd love to say that my boy was too because I love him more than my own life but, in truth, he was a good old-fashioned fluke shot past the contraceptive -shaped goalie. Elsie, strong like bull!

[The Old Man of Storr]

LC -

Funnily enough the only time my wife and I get in an argument it always concerns our son -

If I shout at him she always backs him - if she gets cross with him I always defend him .

And yes , he can be an annoying git at times but more often that not he can't help it .




I would take your son to one side , maybe down to the pub or somewhere where you can be alone .

Reassure him you love both him and your youngest equally , just because she may be getting more attention just now it doesn't mean you don't care for him - some parents enjoy being treated like peers - some don't , it's a personal choice .

It's possible your wife is tired , looking after a 3 year old is hard work , a tired wife will be looking for someone to take things out on .

Does your boy help out with...

Hoovering and Cleaning .

Can he use a Washing Machine .

Dishwasher .

Does he ever babysit so Mr & Mrs LC can go out to the Cinema/Restaurant/Pub / Favourite Dogging Site ?

If YES - then it's time to talk to the Mrs .

If NO then it's time to tell him he needs to do his share .

.

After speaking to your son it'll be time to speak to your wife -

Reassure her she's the love of your life etc etc but that you're feeling hurt that she's now not getting on with your son - ask her what's changed , is there anything she's worried about , does she feel he's taking advantage of both of you ? Maybe you'll discover the reason behind the tetchiness ? I'm guessing it'll be something as simple as that .


Sounds to me as though your wife thinks that your son is taking advantage - this can be an easy fix - just ask him politely and friendly-like that he needs to help out more - give him a couple of House Duties - it can even be his choice . See how things go after that .

Slip your son £20 and tell him to buy Mum a present , actually forget that , slip your son £100 and tell him to buy your dear wife a present AND some flowers .

Then - Group Hug - Takeaway - Gogglebox and a Drink .

If problem persists you can blame me .

Best of luck , me Old China xx

[Tenbury]

Elsie,
Why in the name of God would you listen to advice from a sad old misanthrope who's f*cked up every relationship that's ever come his way?
So here it is....
It's quite possible (but not a lot of fun) to get on well with two people who themselves don't get on, even if you all share a house, you just have to set agreed boundaries. Your son and her indoors need to understand that you can love and care for both of them without favouring one or the other. The onus is on them to sort it out. If it has to be some North /South Korea situation then that's all there is to it (that's kept the peace for 70 years).
Long term, it's more usual for kids to grow up and go away, and partners to stay (at least, so I'm told) and this is worth bearing in mind, it's odds on you ain't going to be numero uno in your lads life in years to come, although I'm sure you'll always be his safety net (and both he AND her indoors need to know that).
Strange thing about kids growing up, you seem to learn more about yourself than they do. Anyhow, it's their time not ours, you just wind up the motor as best you can, then let 'em go.
Best Wishes.

[Kludgehammer]

in truth, we both always wanted a child together so we left it as long as we dared, so's he'd be sort-of semi-independent by then (he was 15 when we had our daughter), and his needs would be vastly different so's we could concentrate on a baby without worrying that he's too emotionally immature to understand that he's not being pushed out.

You say your lad is acting up now like you'd expect a 14 yo to be - is it possible he's not the semi-independent adult-ish person, but is maybe a bit insecure/threatened by the younger kid? Typical teen response to insecurity is often to manifest it as stroppiness

Your scenario sounds remarkably like my wife's 14/15 yo, when we our mutual daughter was 2 or 3 (though there were other tensions with the bio father of the elder one at play as well).

[Clacton-ammer]

Elsie, in the main I'm very lucky my mrs gets on incredibly with my two boys (not biological), but as always there have been a few times that you get drawn into whose side. I would suggest that you sit them both down and just have a chat and get it out in the open with all 3 of you. It never hurts to tell tell them you love them first, but the arguments are incredibly tiring/upsetting for you, as it must be for them.

I always take these things head on, I can't handle under currents, does my nut in, the 3 way chat may well help, it may not, but at least you have laid it all out to them both so at least that part of your brain can rest a little. Throw this in the bin if you don't think it is right, we all do things differently and a family dynamic is always different, I just find the truth/start at ground zero has always helped, good luck

[btajim - mcfc]

Becoming somebody’s new mum or dad must be so difficult. My last partner had a grown up son who lived with his girlfriend so there was no issue there. I like someone else now but her son is maybe 14 / 15. Nothing may come of it but I’d leave 100% responsibility to the mum. I know nothing about a biological dad.

I hated the man my mum met after my dad died. He was a vile bully determined to tear our family up. He failed as she sided with her kids but those 18 months of him in our home still haunt me. Awful, despicable man.

[YorksHammer]

Becoming somebody’s new mum or dad must be so difficult. My last partner had a grown up son who lived with his girlfriend so there was no issue there. I like someone else now but her son is maybe 14 / 15. Nothing may come of it but I’d leave 100% responsibility to the mum. I know nothing about a biological dad.

I've been incredibly careful about my new partner around my kids, at 7 and 9. Not because I have doubts about them being around the kids, in fact the very opposite, but because I'm just aware that they've already had one separation to deal with and don't really want them to have another one.

This weekend my youngest asked my new partner for a 'mother/daughter day', so I guess that's where they're at now.

To be honest, I've let the kids lead. Sometimes they've said they want to do something with just me and I've worked to make that happen for them rather than have time with the four of us, other times they can't wait to see them so it's easy to do it. At the age they are they're vocal enough about what they want to do and happen that it's just a case of following them.

My brain's been a bit all over the place the past few days - I'm moving house at the end of the week and it's honestly dominating everything in my brain and making me hugely anxious day to day. It'll be fine, I'm just wary of getting my deposit back from where I'm renting (it's in a deposit scheme thing so I figure it shouldn't be an issue) as well as the fact that buying somewhere kind of means it has to work out. It will be fine, it's just the fact that thinking about it is so all encompassing at the moment there's little space for something to go slightly sideways and against my normal routine. And if it does I immediately freak out about everything.

In three weeks time I'm sure this period will just have been a speck on history. It's just that I'd quite like that three weeks to be done already!

[btajim - mcfc]

My dad was useless and the new man was a b*stard. I’ve had few positive male role models in my life. I suspect it’s what’s stopped me having kids although last year’s health scare has certainly finished that one.

Dad would have us for a week down in Pembrokeshire but not take any time off work. He’d farm us around relatives and then go out for a pint at night. He died of bowel cancer when I was 13 but I’d already realised he didn’t care and wasn’t far off letting him go forever.

She has her faults but I love my mum more than anything. I’ve had to let dad’s family go (he was one of six.) One of my uncles was sound but they’ve all been finished because of him.

[hammer etc]

Dad would have us for a week down in Pembrokeshire

Where in Pembrokeshire did you stay?

[btajim - mcfc]

Where in Pembrokeshire did you stay?

Tiny little village called Angle. Right by the coast. Beautiful place but bittersweet memories.

[hammer etc]

Tiny little village called Angle. Right by the coast. Beautiful place but bittersweet memories.

I was born and grew up the other side of the harbour at Milford Haven. My aunt and uncle had a small hotel near Tenby. The countryside and beaches are Wonderfull. It used to be a bustling little town but now the fishing and the refineries have all gone it's like a ghost town.

[btajim - mcfc]

I was born and grew up the other side of the harbour at Milford Haven. My aunt and uncle had a small hotel near Tenby. The countryside and beaches are Wonderfull. It used to be a bustling little town but now the fishing and the refineries have all gone it's like a ghost town.

I do love Wales but I go back and it’s slow. I think I’d retire there and that’s it.

[ageing hammer]

I do love Wales but I go back and it’s slow. I think I’d retire there and that’s it.

I'm surprised Jim, I would have thought you would choose to retire in Malaga or around there.

[btajim - mcfc]

I'm surprised Jim, I would have thought you would choose to retire in Malaga or around there.

Three months of the year over winter would be ideal. I guess Brexit makes free travel more difficult these days too?

Wales is in my heart. If I want to remain active then I’ll migrate across to North Wales and still have good access to Manchester and Liverpool for travel.

I really, really don’t know. As I’ve experienced, life can change in a heartbeat. Last year’s health scare was terrifying.