The Mental Health Thread - (Help Contacts in First Post).

[S-H]

As unimaginably difficult as it was, I'm sure he couldn't have had a better person telling him.

Maybe.

But just imagine, the nice, tight cuddle Kelly Brook would provide, after delivering such news.

In all seriousness, stoney, that's an awful thing for anyone to have to do, hope you are ok, that poor boy though.

[ageing hammer]

Thanks for the words / advice everyone, some good advice for you from the others there Yorks hope you get some ideas from it.

Stoney that was something that no one would want to go through so sad.

We had my cousin's wife's funeral yesterday it went as ok as funerals can be.

I managed to find out that his poor wife had a few drinks on Sunday and Dan came home with his daughter to find she had slipped in the bathroom and cracked open her skull.

The ambulance crew spent an hour trying to revive her but she was gone.

He was holding up well enough yesterday but after his mother sister and now his wife gone in a few weeks I think it will hit him very hard when it all dies down and the crowds are all gone etc...

I had a small few words with him in the hotel that evening I asked him will you be alright after we all go home, he kind of smiled and said you will find out soon enough. So I told him I was worried about him and offered to meet him anytime for a chat, I joked that I am a great listener despite being a deaf old ****, I told him I will bring spare batteries for the hearing aids and he can talk to me anytime even if it's only to give me a bollocking or wants to scream or whatever, I have no idea what to say to him this is all I could think of. He has a daughter and two fine sons as well so I imagine them along with his other brothers and sisters will rally round him as they are a close family anyway.

[YorksHammer]

Ageing - sounds like you're doing exactly the right thing for your cousin, all you can do is offer to be there. I'd say keep checking in on him, offer him out down the pub for a pint in a couple of weeks or something. I remember when my pal lost his mum, I dropped him a bell a couple of weeks after the funeral and he said that it had really sunk in a bit more by then and he needed to get out a bit.

You give ageing some good advice, perhaps I could offer you a bit.
I've read and re read your post. Seems to me you've done well to turn things around in such a short space of time. Breaking up a relationship, especially when kids are involved even apart from the personal emotion side of it is logistically complicated, and, above all, bloody stressful. I think an occasional self administrated pat on the back wouldn't hurt now and again.

Thanks Tenbury - yeah, it's been a bit of a tough year and, in truth, at times it's been hard as ****. I've spent evenings here lying on the floor in tears after getting the kids to bed because they said they were sad about/didn't want to be split up which is when it hit the hardest, in truth - I'm not going to say it's been easy on me, but seeing it be hard on them considering they are completely innocent in all this has absolutely sucked balls at times and when it's been the hardest. But as time has gone on that's slowed down to never really being mentioned now - I can't even remember the last time it was. Having said that I can guarantee it'll happen on Saturday when I see them next now!

My therapist, bless her, has had me spending an hour a week at times just blubbing because I felt like **** about the impact on the kids - at the same time having that sounding board has really pulled me round and just recently I've gone to a monthly therapy session from weekly and then fortnightly, which is a sign of things getting a lot better, at least. Whoever it was on here who said to seek therapy if possible - it's definitely a recommendation I'd make too.

I'm also off anti-depressants for the first time in three years, and to date (two months) haven't noticed any serious issues as a result, which does suggest my brain is at least on the mend if not completely mended. I'm not saying that my ex-wife made me depressed, but...

Stay well, folks.

[mushy]

Amazingly good stuff Yorks and thanks for the update.
It's brilliant that you've gone through all of this and come out the other side, despite everything that's gone on. Hurrah for a decent therapist huh?
I know not all of you will have access to a decent therapist or maybe any sort of therapist at wll so it might be the right time to mention the following support groups -:
Mind Charity.
https://www.mind.org.uk/information-sup ... cal-minds/
They offer a free counseling service.
Andy's Man Club.
They offer group meetings every Monday and have been an amazing success. It just depends if there is one near you.
https://andysmanclub.co.uk/

[mushy]

I have no idea what to say to him this is all I could think of.

Nobody does Ageing, it's almost impossible to find the right words without sounding like you are in empty platitude territory.
So don't worry too much about your words, give him space when he is ready to talk to you and encourage him as much as you can to lead the conversation.
Let him vent on any subject he wants and hopefully he will eventually come round to talking about what's happened.
You are already doing a fine job mate and you are the sort of friend that anyone would want.
Take care all.

[btajim - mcfc]

I had my first night out since my ileostomy (and first drink drink) and I have to say it did me the world of good. One of the regulars is Frank and he’s the most positive person you could ever meet. I’m almost jealous as to how he’s constantly happy.

Nevertheless, I get stuff done when I’m not drinking so errands and chores are already piling up but I’m feeling very good.

[Tenbury]

Thanks Tenbury - yeah, it's been a bit of a tough year and, in truth, at times it's been hard as ****. I've spent evenings here lying on the floor in tears after getting the kids to bed because they said they were sad about/didn't want to be split up which is when it hit the hardest, in truth - I'm not going to say it's been easy on me, but seeing it be hard on them considering they are completely innocent in all this has absolutely sucked balls at times and when it's been the hardest. But as time has gone on that's slowed down to never really being mentioned now - I can't even remember the last time it was. Having said that I can guarantee it'll happen on Saturday when I see them next now!
.

You're always going to worry about you kids, its just the way it is. Me and my kids' Mum stayed 'together', (though we both lead entirely separate lives) and I've always thought that they were worse off for it(This is a big old unsellable house (floods) and that makes things easier logistically at least) . There were still rows they witnessed, and I hate myself for it. There's only one still at home now and he'll probably be at Uni in 2 years, kids are pretty resilient.... but you never stop worrying about them!

[WHU Independent]

This weekend was supposed to be a bit of me time. Travel to London, celebrate some mates birthdays amd come home again - what could possibly go wrong?

I was leaving on the Friday but on Thursday night at 2 AM my male cat started passing blood in the bath. Cue a trip to the vets, they took a blood test and want me to get him to pee in this stuff they have sold me. Trouble is he isnt't peeing - hae hasn't been eating his Kibble which is specifically designed to make him pee. Luckily enough i had some wet cat food that does the same stuff as the the nuts. I fed him that and he can pee but very small amounts.

Next day I'm heading out the door and my old man starts complaining of stomach pain. We agree that my sister will drive up from london to look afer him whilst I am on the train to London.

I get to London visit my old dear. She's in bits - can't walk two yards without feeling dizzy and wants to sit down/lay down or she will faint. She's not eating much (she can hardly cook as it is dangerous for her to do so) and spends most of her time laying on the bed - where she is fine. The min she gets up, BANG she's dizzy.

She has no one to look after her. The one sister in London has disowned her over a row and my other sister wh lives 200 miles away, is getting her shopping by amazon. She hasn't been out the house for a month - oh and she's very deaf - she had the TV on level 50 whilst i was there.

The DR's are not taking here seriously. They knew she can't even walk to a car and they keep calling her up and asking her to come i9n. The paramedics have her booked in for a vido call - my old dear can't even use a mobile phone!

So it falls to me to sort this out. I went to Adult SS and they tried to Palm me off with he claiming PIP or disability. I explained that she has absolutely noone to care for her and needs help. I have a phone call arranged for tomorrow at 9 PM to see what they can do. A letter of complaint is going into the Dr's tonight.

The good news is that I get home and dad is fine. The cat however is still not eating and the vets rung me up with the news that their bloodsample they took from my cat "coagulated" so they have to do it again. I've ordered some wet urinary food and hope it gets here soon - if he gets totally blocked up it's an operation and no change from £500.

I did go out with my mates and have some beers but as a few of my mates said "You are not all here are you?" and I wasn't - my mind was on other things.

I just hope I can get this shitstorm sorted out.

[ageing hammer]

WHU that is some shitstorm no doubt mate, it will calm down after a while i am sure

[Joyeux Marteau]

World Mental Health Day today.

Just bumping to the top again.

I hope you’re all doing well, stay safe and healthy.

[btajim - mcfc]

Getting there. I’m in a specialist cancer hospital on Thursday to see a consultant. To this day, I’ve no idea what the issue was with the infected piece of bowel that they had to cut away. It was causing a blockage. I’m also going to ask about having the operation reversed one day. Whilst living with a stoma bag is tolerable, I’d prefer not to have one.

On a side note, I met a girl at my mate’s son’s 21st on Friday. We’ve had numerous exchanges online and I’m going to try and get her out again soon. Whilst I’ve never got in the messes some friends have (numerous kids from numerous girls, divorces, house losses), I can be a bit of a hopeless romantic. Nothing ventured. Nothing gained.

[norse]

Remembering Gary Billings | World Mental Health Day

https://www.whufc.com/news/remembering- ... health-day

I should probably add a trigger warning to this.

[btajim - mcfc]

I’m very open about my brush with depression and anxiety back in 2020 to ensure other victims of it know they’re not alone.

Breaking down in Dr Gill’s surgery gave me the catalyst to rebuild my life. “Yes. You’ve got depression.” was what I needed to hear. I’d been mildly unhappy since the age of 23. I was 40 at the time. The mistakes I made… I just wish I’d done it sooner.

[BrumHammer]

Aaron Lennon shared a nice letter for Mental Health Day

[mushy]

Thanks for posting that Brum, it's a great message
Aaron Lennon really is a top bloke.

[Tenbury]

I'm a 100% behind anything that encourages people to be aware of MH issues. I think the increased willingness for people to speak out about their personal issues can only be of benefit.
I'd like to hope that it would also encourage people to realise MH problems can manifest themselves in a variety of ways, from the young woman who strips off in the middle of a roundabout and throws loose change to passing motorists (an ex girlfriend) to an old drunk suddenly woken becoming violent and shouting threats and making life for everyone pretty unpleasant(one of her ex boyfriends).
It's harder to come to terms with illness to yourself, if you can never see it in others.

[dave_l]

Being open and talking about it makes a big difference in my umble opinion.

My MH issues pretty much all stem from work and I've talked to 4 mates recently about the mental aspects of work and how many of us are struggling to various extents. They're all close mates that I've known for a long time but when the topic of work came up we'd pretty much all be bravado and everything was fine. I've raised the topic of how I'm struggling with things and they've all shared theiw own issues which has at least selfishly made me feel as though I'm not alone. These guys work in Energy brokerage, finance and sales, often professions where bravado and don't give a s**t attutudes pervade. It doesn't solve my problems but it's added to the number of people I can talk to and let iff steam a bit as opposed to bugging my wife and or feeling like I need to bottle stuff until my next therapy session all the time.

[westham,eggyandchips]

Grandad Eggs, after attempting to take his own life earlier this year celebrates his 90th Birthday tomorrow.

Popped in to see him at the weekend and he's in much better spirits than when I saw him after the suicide attempt. I knew he was better as he was back to his cantankerous ways of having an opinion on everything and giving me his views on things from the Royal family to his nosey neighbours.

Love you grandad.

[btajim - mcfc]

Being open and talking about it makes a big difference in my umble opinion.

My MH issues pretty much all stem from work and I've talked to 4 mates recently about the mental aspects of work and how many of us are struggling to various extents. They're all close mates that I've known for a long time but when the topic of work came up we'd pretty much all be bravado and everything was fine. I've raised the topic of how I'm struggling with things and they've all shared theiw own issues which has at least selfishly made me feel as though I'm not alone. These guys work in Energy brokerage, finance and sales, often professions where bravado and don't give a s**t attutudes pervade. It doesn't solve my problems but it's added to the number of people I can talk to and let iff steam a bit as opposed to bugging my wife and or feeling like I need to bottle stuff until my next therapy session all the time.

I’m currently on sick leave due to my major surgery but had four months off in 2020 when I had my breakdown. “Thankfully” it was during the first lockdown so nobody really knew aside from those I told. I worked for a heartless bitch who’d do nothing but criticise and she drove me down. I refuse to hate her but one day I hope she realises the damage she does. We work to live.

CV updated, moved on and now I’m happier.

[YorksHammer]

Being open and talking about it makes a big difference in my umble opinion.

It massively does.

I needed to get therapy to do that, because I realised that I couldn't talk about what was causing my issues with the people around me. Essentially the fact that I felt like my marriage was falling apart, and with it the idea I'd long held and probably been conditioned to believe of the nuclear family being 'the best' for kids, wasn't something I could talk to my ex-wife about because if I did it would mean the marriage would end. So I internalised all of that, didn't want to talk about it within my (small) friendship group because I felt like it would just get back to them, and as a result I had no outlet for it.

I don't know if the outcome would have been different had I talked to them or not, but equally the outcome as it now is works, and I'm happier than I've been for many, many years.