Premier League
West Ham United 1-3 Wolverhampton Wanderers 

Tuesday, 23rd March 2010
by Rob Chapman

“…Tonight Matthew, I’m going to be a tiny Sardinian. He originally shot to fame on the West Side, but has remained in the public eye after embracing the East Side a couple of years ago. He recently raised eyebrows for heading in a direction many have described as ‘rocky’, leading some to say that this was a radical change of direction from his earlier more uplifting work…”

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Player Ratings

Robert Green
As uninvolved as it?EUR(TM)s possible to be when you concede three. Not directly at fault for any of the goals, but did little apart from pick the ball out of the net.

Julien Faubert
Looked good when he was given the freedom to go forward. Faded in and out of the game at regular intervals.

Fabio Daprela
Did OK under the circumstances. Some smart tackling and distribution, but caught out of position on occasion.

Matthew Upson
Difficult to see what he actually does to justify the symbolic armband. A long way from the beating heart of the team that West Ham expects of its captain, and a pretty lamentable performance in general.

James Tomkins
One almighty cock-up, but otherwise fine. A fairly catastrophic almighty cock-up though.

Scott Parker
Ran with purpose all night. Looked like he was in desperate search of some teammates who might be up for the ride as well.

Radoslav Kovac
Won a header early on, thus bringing a premature end to his positive contributions for the evening. A worrying lapse into the haplessness of earlier games.

Valon Behrami
Worked his socks off and although he didn?EUR(TM)t create all that much, his break-up play was utterly essential to save the result being even more embarrassing.

Alessandro Diamanti
Showed moments of genius, but unfortunately these we spaced amongst great swathes of complete anonymity. Showed purpose towards the end, by which time we were chasing a lost cause.

Benni McCarthy
Looked unfit and, bar the odd nice lay-off, pretty ineffectual in the first half. Completely AWOL in the second half until being unceremoniously hauled-off.

Carlton Cole
Gradually lost confidence ?EUR" and therefore interest ?EUR" as the game progressed. Some promising early hold-up play eventually superseded by a ghost of his former self ambling about the pitch aimlessly.


Junior Stanislas
(Replaced Kovac, 46 mins) I?EUR(TM)d forgotten he was even on the pitch until Diamanti started pinging balls in his general direction. As subs go, not a tactical masterstroke.

Jonathan Spector

Guillermo Franco
(Replaced McCarthy, 75 mins) At last: guile, desire and application. A sublimely taken goal and one of the only players prepared to put his boot through the big round white thing (no, not Frank Lampard).

Marek Stech
Did not play.

Mark Noble
Did not play.

Did not play.

Did not play.

Match Facts

West Ham United: Robert Green, Julien Faubert, Fabio Daprela, Matthew Upson, James Tomkins, Scott Parker, Radoslav Kovac, Valon Behrami, Alessandro Diamanti, Benni McCarthy, Carlton Cole.

Goals: Guillermo Franco 90                  .

Booked: None.

Sent Off: None sent off     .

Wolverhampton Wanderers: Hahnemann, Zubar, Craddock, Berra, Elokobi, Foley, Mancienne, Henry, Jones, Jarvis, Doyle.

Subs not used: Hennessey, Iwelumo, Milijas, Ebanks-Blake.

Goals: Doyle (28), Zubar (58), Jarvis (61).

Booked: Mancienne (29), Zubar (48).

Sent off: None.

Referee: Phil Dowd.

Attendance: 33,988.

Man of the Match: Scott Parker.